I couldn't care less about the commendation but Indianapolis is home to Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse, The best damn steakhouse in the damn state. I have taken a picture of every steak I've ever eaten there.
[starts going through the album]
June 2004. Porterhouse, medium-rare, Bearnaise sauce.
January 2000. They call this one "The Enforcer."
February '96. The steak: Rib-Eye. The whiskey: Lagavulin 16. The lady next to me: a bitch. Specifically my ex-wife Tammy.
Okay. This is, the first time I ever went there. Oh look at me! I'm just a kid!
Well, that's not totally true. The owner of the motel I'm staying at said she was gonna screen Hope Floats in the lobby. Asked me if I wanted to watch.
They just boarded her up like she was some common warehouse...I should've been here. What happened to the steaks that were in there when they closed? [tearing up] ...Do you think they got eaten?
Yeah so here's what happened. Sweet and beautiful Ann has never been dumped before and Chris is such a positive person, when he broke up with her she just didn't realize it. It's kind of understandable...although it does kind of make you wonder how good of a nurse she is.
One time when I was in high school, a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time where I was on a date, and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and the guy said he wasn't "feeling it," so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for a while, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me never to call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers, and then when I tried to sit down, he said, "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." And then he broke up with me.
Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?
