Larry Bloom quotes from Orange Is the New Black

Larry Bloom

[about Piper] I mean, she told me how she traveled after college. But she failed to mention the lesbian lover who ran an international drug smuggling ring. Imagine my surprise.

Larry Bloom

This is all just an adventure, with liver and Yoga Jones and, and, and racism.

You show up at my house like fucking Squiggy with a hard-on. Maybe next time you decide some deranged declaration of love to an emotional zombie with a blocked milk duct and a husband who recently purchased an Aleutian hunting spear, you could consider calling first?

Larry Bloom

Okay, look, Polly, I'm spiraling out okay? I am. I, I , I... You know, you have this idea of what your life is...

No, I can't do this, Larry!

Larry Bloom

Okay.

I'm serious. It's just stupid.

Larry Bloom

I know.

I mean, yes we were friends before we even started dating Pete and Piper. And yes, you drove me to the hospital when I was in labor and handled all the paperwork and the nurses. And yes, you were the only one there for me when my husband checked out of fatherhood so he could go on a month-long mission of self-exploration, and you're funny, but also boring in all the right ways, and... What the hell am I saying? Just fuck me.