You show up at my house like fucking Squiggy with a hard-on. Maybe next time you decide some deranged declaration of love to an emotional zombie with a blocked milk duct and a husband who recently purchased an Aleutian hunting spear, you could consider calling first?
Okay, look, Polly, I'm spiraling out okay? I am. I, I , I... You know, you have this idea of what your life is...
No, I can't do this, Larry!
Okay.
I'm serious. It's just stupid.
I know.
I mean, yes we were friends before we even started dating Pete and Piper. And yes, you drove me to the hospital when I was in labor and handled all the paperwork and the nurses. And yes, you were the only one there for me when my husband checked out of fatherhood so he could go on a month-long mission of self-exploration, and you're funny, but also boring in all the right ways, and... What the hell am I saying? Just fuck me.
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