Grandad quotes from Only Fools and Horses

Slater

Right! Down to business! The face that dropped the microwave oven in the market! What did he look like?

Del

Oh, he was about average height.

Grandad

He was a great big tall fella!

Rodney

Oh, he was little more than a dwarf!

Grandad

Age?

Rodney

About 25.

Grandad

Middle 50s!

Del

He was just a kid!

Slater

What about his ethnic group?

Del

Well, I didn't notice anyone with him.

Slater

No, I mean was he Caucasian?

Grandad

No, he was a white fella!

Rodney

He was African, I think!

Grandad

He was just a bloke in the market.

Del Boy

Leave it out Grandad. If Mr Slater was here to believe our descriptions he'd have his men out searching for someone who was a cross between Tom Thumb and the Jolly Green Giant.

Slater

With a Deaf aid

Del

I might be able to offer you a much better deal my son. I could get this pub decorated to the exact same standard as Brendan, and it would cost your brewery a mere £2000.

Rodney

£2000?

Grandad

That must be a tempting offer, eh Rodney?

Rodney

Well he's a born businessman isnt he?

Mike

Hang about, hang about. Why should I turn down an offer of £1000 and accept one of £2000?

Del

Cos of all the advantages it has to offer, like my specialised profit sharing scheme. Let me explain how it works. The £2000 would be disbursed thus: there would be £500 for vous. £500 for vee.

Mike

What you mean I get 500 quid?

Del

Oh yes.

Mike

And what happens to the £1000 that's left over?

Del

We give that to the Irishman and let him do the job.

Mike

(grinning) We got a deal, Mr. Trotter.

Grandad

Where do I get a canary from?

Rodney

Well why don't you try the boot menders (!)

Grandad

Hospital bed? What's wrong with you, Reggie?

Del

Something serious, I hope!