Rodney Trotter quotes from Only Fools and Horses

Rodney

We were running in here going [impersonating Batman theme] da na na na na na na na na, and everything!

Rodney

One day, they might make a musical about the history of the Trotter family. Then as a sequel, they could do Schindler's List on Ice!

Rodney

Cassandra, we are talking about Derek Trotter. To Del, market penetration means sex under a barrow!

Rodney

Me wife doesn't love me, me mum's left me, and some bastard's nicked me bike.

Grandad

(watching TV) That Sidney Potter's a good actor, ain't he Rodney? He was marvellous in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

Rodney

Yeah knock out Grandad. Sidney Potter?

Grandad

Yeah, you know him. Always plays the black fella.

Rodney

Sidney Poitier!

Grandad

Sidney Potter.

Del

Are you two at it again?

Rodney

Del. How do you pronounce that fella's name on the telly? Sidney Poitier or Potter?

Del

Personally, I'd pronounce it Harry Belafonte, but you two please yourselves.

Del

(to Rodney) What are you doing?

Rodney

Our accounts.

Del

You keeping accounts now?! (to Grandad) Well, there you are Grandad. A lot of people said I was a right dipstick to make my brother a partner in the business. But this only goes to prove how bloody right they were!

Del

I grafted 19 or 20 hours a day to put groceries on that table, alright it wasn't always double legal but you ate the finest food that was going.

Rodney

All you use to give me was TV dinners or convienience food, if it wasn't frozen or dehydrated we didn't eat it. If you had been in charge of The Last Supper it would have been a takeaway!

Del

Well anything was better than the salmonella and chips that Grandad used to knock up!

Del

Ah, there he is. Oi, Trigger?! (gestures and Trigger comes over) Here. You know my brother, don't you, eh? [points at Rodney]

Trigger

Yeah, course I do. (to Rodney) How you going, Dave? (Trigger and Rodney shake hands; to Del) Sorry I'm late, Del Boy. I had to pop round me sister's to sort out an alibi for next Thursday. (to barmaid) Joycie! (he goes over to the bar as Del drinks)

Rodney

Del?

Del

Hmm?

Rodney

Del?

Del

What?

Rodney

(quietly) Why do they call him Trigger? Does he carry a gun?

Del

No. It's 'cause he looks like a horse.

Rodney

I saw myself more in the capacity of a financial advisor.

Del

A financial advisor?! Bonjour Trieste! You are beautiful, you are, Rodney! Today, I almost clinched a deal to buy these briefcases for £175. When my "financial advisor" stuck his nose in, and advised me to pay £200. Right? And now, having paid the £200, my "financial advisor" now advises me to chuck the bleedin' lot in the river! Now, with financial advisors like that, who needs a bleedin' recession?

Del

Do you hear that?

Rodney

No, what is it?

Del

That's Mum turning in her grave.

Rodney

I'm gonna do what Monica was doing last night!

Del

Going dancing with Mickey Pearce?

Rodney

It looked all right from the outside.

Del

It looked all right from the outside? That's what the Christians said about the Colosseum!

Del

(hurriedly, after talking to a couple of "women") Drink up, we're leaving.

Rodney

Why? Are they a couple of ravers?

Del

No, they're a couple of geezers!"

(asking Rodney which tennis turf he likes playing on) What do you prefer? Astroturf or grass?

Rodney

I don't know, I've never smoked astroturf!

Rodney

(telling Del what he has just accidentally done in the car on their way home) Del, you know that cigar packet you just gave me... I chucked out the window about a mile and a half back.

Del

You what? You pranny!!!!

Del

God! I don't believe it. I just do not believe it! Now look what you've done Rodney, you've smashed up Boycie's E-Type Jaguar.

Rodney

Me? You were driving it.

Del

Don't play bloody word games with me, Rodney! (shouting at the car behind) What's your game pal. What is your game, are you blind or something?

I'm very sorry about that mate, but the brakes on this thing are a bit dicky... You! I've been looking for you two flaming Gollahs all day long... Now come here!