Sean quotes from Nip/Tuck

Sean

I would have been there for you. If you'd just lost your wife and kids, I wouldn't be flying to Moscow with my fiancée over Christmas on an impulse!

Christian

We're not going anymore. We're staying put with Wilbur. Look, it's all so new, you know. We need to stay together as a family, to bond. You know what it's like.

Sean

Yeah, I know what it's like. I had a family once. You were part of it. Pretty stupid of me to think that I'd be a part of yours.

Sean

[trying to join in on a breast augmentation Christian is doing] Scoot over Christian, you don't get to have all the fun.

Christian

What are you doing here? Thought you'd cop a feel while she was under?

Sean

I just think that we should give Ms. Hudson the best treatment we can. Since I'm available, I figured I'd just make sure the operation goes as smoothly as possible.

Christian

Oh Jesus, you've gotta be kidding me. You pull this crap every time you're fragile little ego gets bruised.

Liz

Boys, boys, boys. This is why God gave women two breasts. Now each of you take one, and go play in your corner of the sandbox.

Sean

[after giving Matt sex advice] The neighbors will either move or send you flowers.

Matt

If that's what you did with her, I can't imagine what Christian and Kimber did together.

Christian

I have surgery this afternoon, Sean. If I don't get my caffeine, I will fire Linda as soon as she even thinks about rolling her eyes at me.

Sean

Linda is irreplaceable. There is no McNamara/Troy without her. And there shouldn't be a Troy/Landau without her either.

Christian

You're the one I can't replace, Sean.

Sean

Burning sage supposedly cleanses the environment of bad events, bad memories. Like a divorce. Or if someone was shot in the head in the living room, that sort of thing.

Christian

[to the couple moving in] Hey, you guys might want to sage the nursery. His ex-wife screwed a dwarf in there.

Sean

[about Michelle] You love her, Christian.

Christian

I do love her. But I can't trust her. Apparently, you're the only person I can trust. Absolutely trust.

Christian

Just so you know, this Encino crap ain't gonna cut it. It's Rodeo Drive the whole way. With my sizzling good looks and brilliant business savvy and your moderately impressive talent, I think we could take over this town.

Sean

Sorry, not interested. Unless I get to pick out the carpet this time, and retain my customary first billing.

Christian

I think we could work something out.

Sean

It's been 2 months without even a botox shot, Christian. So far, the only thing I have to show for opening a new practice in Los Angeles is a better hook shot.

Christian

I wouldn't go that far. Look, we both knew it wasn't gonna be easy, right? But it's not like we can start up in a strip mall, hand out fliers hoping people will come through the door.

Sean

Worked the first time we started a business together.

Christian

At 25,baby! At 40, you gotta go all out. We owned Miami, right?

Sean

Yeah.

Christian

Right? So sooner or later, we're gonna make this town our bitch, too.

Sean

Jesus, does anyone in this town not have plastic surgery?

Christian

I feel like I'm trying to sell semen at a whorehouse.

Sean

They should just be honest and rename the show "Shit".

Christian

Shit.

Sean

I think our credentials speak for themselves. I'm written up in the New England Journal of Medicine three times, Plastic Reconstructive Surgery Journal twice...

Fiona

And how many times have you been written up in People Magazine, hotshot? You can't spit in this town without hitting a plastic surgeon from Harvard. It's not what you've done, it's whom. Celebrity is power.

Sean

Well, we're screwed. We can't get a celebrity til we've operated on a celebrity!

Christian

Well, we had a case a couple of years ago... Remember, Sean? This woman came into our office. She burned her lips off in a cooking accident.

Sean

Right, we had to do a graft using skin from her vagina. The only problem was, her husband didn't like oral sex, so she couldn't let him know where the skin came from.

Christian

We called her Pussy Lips. I'd watch a show with pussy lips on it.

How soon can you start?

Christian

We're not interested in just being consultants, Mr. Prune.

Sean

We're not?

Christian

We want producer credits and the occasional line.

Why is it that we're in the plastic surgery capital of the world and we're forced to work with these Miami wannabes? Can you tell me that?

Sean

You are not in charge here! I have seen kids playing doctor who have better surgical technique than you do! I'm giving you an opportunity to be more authentic. I would take it if I were you.

Sean

Look at us. Mutilating our bodies, selling out to some hack TV show. We're good surgeons. Why live in a place which doesn't appreciate us, you know? Maybe we should have moved somewhere where substance reigns over style. Like New York.

Christian

Julia's gone. Living a couple of subway stops away ain't gonna change that.

Christian

Look, you made a bold move coming out here, partner. Maybe the first one of your life, huh? How many guys our age finally get the opportunity to get the recognition they deserve? This is just the beginning.

Sean

Fame isn't love, Christian. Getting it isn't going to fill up some hole you've had inside you since you were a kid.