No, I am not paranoid, because I can say without a trace of irony...you're all out to get me.
S4 E14Security Door
S4 E15Big Brother
DDanny
You know, when I first hooked up with Matthew I thought, "Hey, I want one of the little ones." But then as time went by and we got to know each other, I realized he needs just as much guidance, and love, and good old-fashioned big brothering as anyone else.
That's true. Which is sad. But still.
[to Mr. James] You don't recognize you own phone number?
He changes it every week.
Why do you do that?
Security.
Big Brother?
My whole damn family, actually.
S4 E16Beep, Beep
I agree. I think something needs to happen to relieve Matthew of this responsibility.
You want me to kill him?
No, I think that if something were to happen to the car the investigation might not be that aggressive.
I took Lisa out to lunch.
Did you?
It was a lot more than lunch. A lot more.
Wait a minute. You and Lisa didn't have... coffee, did you?
Yes, coffee... In bed... After we did it.
Bill, you and Lisa did not do it. And while I applaud your misguided efforts to make me jealous, I have work to do. So... leave.
I don't care about making you jealous. I just care about pleasing your woman.
Lisa is not "my woman".
And how!
S4 E17Balloon
But, Mr. James, what if you're fatally injured, or even killed?
Well, then let them say this about me, "He died with his balloon on."
Jim, a practical question at this juncture, if I may?
Go ahead.
Thank you. Hasn't this been done before? I mean, it seems like every year another billionaire is trying to fly around the world in a balloon.
Well, why the hell do you think I'm doing this? I mean, the peer pressure among billionaires is incredibly intense. Bill Gates practically called me a nancy boy.
S4 E18Copy Machine
Dave, please, I don't think now's the best time to regale you with stories of my world famous root beer jacuzzi.
[singing] Ted... He's dead... And the hobbits and the gnomes, they're dancing to and fro. They have to keep the plus 2 sword from the chaotic evil thief lord. Now we're rocking, now we're really rocking!
S4 E19Monster Rancher
Dave, what do you say we hire someone to work at the station for no money?
Ah, so you're considering hiring an intern?
Well, I was hoping we could call him a "Jimmy James Rockin' Ranger", but I guess "intern" has a ring to it too.
This wouldn't happen to be one of your weird nephews, would it?
No, no, no. This is one of my normal nephews.
[groans]
I'm serious, Dave. This kid's so normal he makes Richie Cunningham look like a crack smoking porn freak.
Bill, this is not a frat house. We do not haze the interns.
Come on, all the top companies are hazing new employees!
Bill, that's a lie.
Read the papers. Corporate America is finally waking up to what fraternities and biker gangs have known for years. Hazing works!
S4 E204:20
Bill, is your life so boring that you have to fantasize about imaginary love triangles you're not even a part of?
Yes.
Did you get upset when that sweet 18-year-old kid in accounting had that crush on you?
Oh, that was different.
Why?
Well, for one thing, he was a guy. And he was convinced I was gay. And he brought his mother to work and introduced me as his boss-slash-husband.
It was still flattering, wasn't it?
Oh, lord, yes.
S4 E21Jackass Junior High
KKid
Why does a radio station have a sheriff?
I'm a woman, right?
Last time I checked. Granted, that was over three months ago, so...
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