I am a cipher, a cipher wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce.
S3 E1President
[Lisa is planning to expose Mr. James]
All right, well, let's not go overboard. Let's try to remember that, at heart, Mr. James is a decent person.
Yes, they're all decent persons, Dave, but once a man throws his hat into the ring, it is my duty as a journalist to make him my bitch.
S3 E2Review
Bill seems happy with 'adequate.'
Bill thinks having a bird crap on him is a compliment from the gods!
That must be so demeaning, just getting coffee for people all day... Wait a minute...
BMBill MacNeil
It's not fair. The station is a reliable workhorse--but I am nearly adequate?!?
S3 E3Massage Chair
I'm sorry Dave, but a budget is a budget is a budget, to paraphrase...
Gertrude Stein
What?
Yeah, "A rose is a rose is a rose"
That's really pretty Dave but can we get back to the budget!
If I increased the budget every time morale was low, the guys in my asbestos factory would be driving around solid gold Cadillacs by now.
You are totally under siege out there! It's just like that movie. What's its name?
"Under Siege"?
No.
"Under Siege 2"?
No.
"Under Siege 3"?
That's the one.
I don't think they made an "Under Siege 3".
Hey, I can dream, can't I?
S3 E4Arcade
Maybe you should lay off those sandwiches.
No, that's just it. I finished the last one at 12:41 last night. Ever since, things have been happening to my body.
Would it be impolite at this point in the conversation to just run away from you?
I think my system got used to its hourly fix of artificial preservatives. My body has started to age incredibly rapidly.
No it hasn't.
Yes it has. We're running out of time, look! Help me, I'm begging you!
You actually dyed you hair grey to convince me to bring back the sandwich machine?
Yes, I did! Now do you understand how important this is to me?
Only if you dyed all your hair grey to match.
I did!
They're an acquired taste. Like a good wine or cheese, a sandwich needs to be properly aged. In the olden days, a country squire would age his pheasants for weeks before they were deemed fit for consumption.
In the olden days, people used to die of ptomaine poisoning and blamed it on ghosts.
All this talk about aged lunch meat and ghosts has made me peckish. I'll be at the sandwich machine if I'm needed.
S3 E5Halloween
I took third place in the costume contest last year.
Really? What was your costume?
Motorcycle enthusiast.
Gay biker.
The problem is you look better in my dress than I do.
What?
You do. I've never been able to wear that dress because I just couldn't pull it off and now you just look like a million bucks.
No. I look like a man in a dress, which is worth at most $150 on Ninth Avenue.
S3 E6Awards Show
And remember, people, it's not whether you win or lose, because we are all going to lose in every possible category.
So what do you do, keep all your money in a shoebox under your bed?
Like I'd tell you where I keep my shoebox.
S3 E7Daydream
Joe, why don't you just call in a specialist?
I am a specialist.
At what?
At everything.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NewsRadio pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.