Frank quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

I bet he's a goer though, he's very fit, isn't he, Jimmy. I bet he could go for hours! I bet if you have sex with Jimmy Savile, afterwards you get a Mars bar and a Bacofoil cloak! (huge laughter from the audience, Mark and the teams)

I think there's some porn going on there, 'cos all that jewellery, that's gotta come to a fair bit. Both of them are caked in gold. There's gotta be a bit of porn involved, 'cos it's far too expensive to have all that on.

So you think the richest people in the world are those that star in porn films?

Phill

You couldn't have Jimmy Savile in a porn film, you'd never be able to concentrate! (as Savile) "Now, you're a lovely lady, and I'm a plum-ber, and I've come to fix yer... How's about me repairing your plum-bing?"

Now then, now then, now then, what's that then?

Phill

And then when he's actually having sex... (as Savile) Eh-uh-uh... (goes into Savile's yodel)

The orgasm!

I'm guessing there might be other areas we could explore.

If it was Gloria Estefan, we could've done a "Clunk Click, Every Trip" joke. (audience groans) Oh, come on! Apparently her last two had sold so well her spine went platinum. Is it true that his hairdresser was so famous they wrote an opera about him? (turns to camera) And that's this week's viewer's question, so what would that opera be called? (Mark laughs) Jimmy Savile's hairdresser, they wrote an opera about him. Call, and the prize is my dressing room key here at the BBC, ladies and gentlemen. (picks up and shows his key) Any offers?

No entrance.

The Barber of Savile!

The Barber of Savile! Well done!

(laughing and pointing at the audience member) He was pleased with himself!

Sean

You've got a twelve-year-old kid! The only reason to do that is if you're playing football and someone's taking a free kick!

Is Danny Kaye about to come in and go "Me, a swan?" (Mark laughs and claps. Some audience members also clap.)

No, don't clap just 'cos I did! Make your own minds up! That's what I'm trying to say, be individual!

Yeah, but you're a leader of men!

...Of one bloke, there. (points to an audience member)

Well Hitler probably started with one bloke. Hitler was probably in a pub and said "we should invade Poland" and one bloke went... (Claps) ...And ten years later...

So, I've got a cult and it's just me and him? (Frank nods to the audience member) I'm gonna... I'm gonna top meself in a minute!

See? That Hitler thing's started already! He killed the Alsatian first, I think is the normal the way round...

What, Eva?

Ohhh!

What? I'm slagging off Eva Braun, and you're going "That's unfair! Don't slag off Eva, she was a lovely woman, apart from shagging, like, maybe the most evil man the world's ever seen, apart from that she was alright..."

Sean

She shagged Chris Evans!?

Smokey Robinson started a trend amongst pop stars when he named his daughter Tamla after his record company. Courtney Love's father calls her Rough Trade, while George Michael's dad now calls him Strange Fruit.

Attractions bass player Bruce Thomas cut himself while demonstrating the safest way to smash a bottle in a fight. Kurt Cobain suffered a similar mishap while demonstrating the safest way to blow your head off with a gun.

Was Kurt Cobain's dad on Stiff Records? (long period of laughter from the audience and Mark. A female audience member laughs hysterically.) That's a seagull trapped in the skylight!

Turn the extractor fan off, let it out will you? (the audience member laughs even harder.) She's having a lovely time.

I don't know, she might be having a bloody heart attack and we're ignoring it, or an asthma attack...

I guess she's having a stroke every now and again.