Hey, any of you notice something different about Ducky?
Yeah, he has seemed awfully chipper as of late.
Ducky does seem plucky. No one loves rain in D.C.
No, his ties! He's been wearing tie ties, not his bow ties.
Wow. That's very observant.
S7 E17Double Identity
You ever been married, doc?
TDr. Talridge
Twice, but never at the same time.
I built an application for my phone.
Why is that important to what we're doing here?
With a vehicle's VIN number, you can access all the vehicle's pertinent information, including key and remote codes. Hack into a database, download all the codes, and there it is.
Wow. I'm glad that MIT education paid off for something, McGeek.
It is pretty super, isn't it?
I don't believe you.
Yeah, I'm not going to unlock the door for you, Tony.
Well, I don't think you could unlock the door, because if you could you'd prove it to me by doing it.
Uh, no --
[snatches phone and unlocks door] You should patent that.
S7 E18Jurisdiction
I found candy leftover from Valentine's day.
Candy from who?
Why does it matter?
It matters because you didn't eat it and so that person must not mean very much to you. It means something!
It means nothing.
Well I'm glad I wasn't your valentine.
So am I!
I wanted to see how Jensen lived.
It says a lot about a man. Take your house for instance: clean, no nonsense, stoic.
Stoic? My house is stoic?
Understated, then?
I planted some roses last weekend. Red ones. Are red roses stoic?
Well, they're prickly and thorny.
What is CGIS?
Coast Guard Investigative Service.
The Coast Guard has an investigative branch?
Well, they're smaller than us, but with a wider law enforcement reach.
But it is the Coast Guard!
Whoa, whoa. No need to get uppity. Yes, Virginia, there is a CGIS.
Now they may not have our track record, or our je ne sais quoi, but they are our legitimate sibling.
Like Corky in Life Goes On.
MDMissy Dawkins
Oh my god, I can't believe he's dead!
What was your relationship with the deceased?
MDMissy Dawkins
You mean he's deceased, too?
These are ocean charts. [points] This is where the Delilah was abandoned.
Calafuego. Treasure hunters.
Is that was this is all about? Treasure?
Pirate treasure.
Well this looks like David Jones' Locker.
Davy Jones'. He used to sing with The Monkees.
Real monkeys?
I envy your brain sometimes.
She also put some of Mother's silver in the dishwasher.
Really? [sarcastically]
Wait a minute. You're saying the widow and the stud diver, they... they did it together? [turns to Ziva] Ziva'd you hear that?
Yes.
Yes what?
Yes, I heard the wife did it, Tony! Okay, yes, you are a genius!
Okay, question, where would you hide a lot of money if you were afraid your house could be ceased?
[slaps the table] Not in my house!
Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?
It is just a movie, Tony.
How dare you? [puts down popcorn and hands Ziva a drink] Is Mickey just a mouse? Ringling Brothers just a circus?
Yes.
[chuckles] Well, you see, that's why you don't have any friends.
I do have friends!
Really? Then what are you doing with me, watching a movie on a Friday night at work? Huh?
You are my friend.
Really?
No. My date canceled.
Mine, too. [They smile and begin to watch The Black Pirate]
[searching their victim's house, after finding the front door open] Clear, boss!
[Abigail Borin approaches Tony and puts her gun to his back.]
Maybe not totally clear.
Toss the gun. Do it now.
[laughing] Take it easy, sweetheart. Who are you?
I'm not the one breaking and entering.
[approaching Abigail from behind] No, the door was open. Ladies first.
OOmagi
[entering from behind Gibbs] It's turning into a party around here.
Wow. looks a little like Reservoir Dogs, except you're cuter than Harvey Keitel.
[holding up his badge] We're federal agents.
Get his I.D.
[Omagi reaches for Gibbs' badge and Gibbs shakes him off]
Look, don't touch.
OOmagi
NCIS.
[lowering her weapon] Come on, really?
Who are you guys? DEA? FBI?
CGIS.
[chuckling] Coast Guard, boss.
You got a problem with that?
[stops laughing, seriously] No.
Yeah. [head-slaps Omagi] Put the weapon away, Kyle.
OOmagi
Oh yes, ma'am.
That's a nice head slap.
S7 E19Guilty Pleasure
[to Tony and McGee] You know what, you two? I have actually heard of this. You two are having a seven year bitch.
Itch, and yes we are.
You two are like a married couple.
Oh, no they're not. They're still speaking.
Hey, why'd the dead guy cross the road? To get home.
Yeah. You were funnier when you were fatter.
Abby --
No time for smalltalk, Gibbs, there's way too much to tell.
I only said 'Abby', Abby.
Well, now you've said it thrice.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.