You're not taking the elevator?
Nope. Took the stairs. It's all about the cardio these days.
You have been looking increasingly Kate Mossius there McTim. What are you down? Two? Three pounds?
Fifteen pounds actually and thank you for noticing.
S7 E9Child's Play
[reading Ducky's Thanksgiving dinner invitation] I think you misspelled the word "fixings."
Are you letting some blond bombshell baste your bird, Tony?
No, this bird's flying solo to a poker tournament at the Big Bend Indian Casino. They've got an all-you-can-eat crab buffet.
Pilgrims and Indians gambling together. That warms the heart.
[to Ducky] What about your mother, Ducky?
Mother is comfortable, thank you. Staff take good care of her. Oh dear, she barely recognizes me when I visit. Well then. That leaves me with a twenty-pound bird and enough trimmings to feed Cox's Army.
DiNozzo, you're with me.
Satler Institute? Oh, Boss, shouldn't McSmarty Pants go to the nerd theme park?!
S7 E10Faith
It's freezing this morning.
Man up, chilly willy. Feel that warm blood coursing through your veins. Get in touch with your inner McGrizzly Adams.
Well I've got hand warmers.
Give me one.
No.
I'm not cold at all.
You're coldblooded David, like a lady Komodo dragon; ice queen, frigid and deadly.
And I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
I'll give you fifty bucks for it right now.
It wouldn't fit. You're too big.
[desperately] It'll stretch. Turn 'em over.
Fruit of the month might be good. Maybe a foot massager.
Tony, I never pegged you as a catalog shopper.
Well, that's because I'm not, tiny Tim, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took these from my neighbor's doorstep.
You stole them?
The doorstep is considered a common area. I would never steal mail, that's a federal offense. Oh! Hold the phone Malone! A little bit of lingerie! Nice! What do you get for the shrew who has everything?
Is this for the secret Santa?
How did I end up with Dolores Brahmstead from Human Resources? She's a miserable grinch of a woman.
I can't argue with you there. I once wished her a happy Valentine's Day and she claimed sexual harassment.
Have you ever seen her smile?
No.
Stop it both of you! She is a single, middle aged, lonely woman. Have some compassion!
It must be tough, living up there on Mount Crumpet. Plotting to take Christmas away from poor Cindy Loo Who.
These chocolates are delicious!
Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
It's my metabolism slowing with age. It's nothing a post-holiday cleanse won't cure.
So this is where a redthroat would hang out after being overseas for months.
It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
Oh.
And I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.
Over there. That's him.
With his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl?
Boss, I've been running bank records on each Marine in Ellis' unit. So far only two Marines, including First Sergeant Tibbins, accepted a bribe: four grand a piece.
Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.
All the money was drawn from the same overseas account and deposited around the same time.
It's a dummy corp.
Interpol's checking into it.
Tell them to check faster.
You do it. Not you, boss. You! I mean, how many languages do you speak, anyway?
Including the language of love, ten.
[Abby is using one of her lab instruments to bake Christmas cookies, all in her own likeness.]
Go ahead, taste one.
[laughs] I'm sorry, Abby, I could never eat you.
[about his Secret Santa] She wants me to meet her at six o'clock on Christmas Eve.
To exchange gifts?
Or wrap me in a cocoon of ivy and suck the Christmas joy out of me.
Okay, I'm going to say this again: she's probably someone who just lacks social skills, so be nice! Get her something special. Kill her with kindness.
Or with a stake of holly through the heart.
[as a favor to Abby, McGee is trying to arrange a satellite call between a little boy and his mother.]
Well, you know what? This is an emergency! I have direct orders from Admiral... Nicholas Whitebeard. Yes, yes, that is his name. He's the Admiral that oversees the... Northern Polar Regions.
S7 E11Ignition
The August 1928 issue of Amazing Stories first stirred the national imagination. It featured the Skylark of Space on the cover, and then you've got Buck Rogers.
What's really amazing is how much more fascinating jet-pack trivia gets the eleventh time you've heard it.
Slow drivers.
Bad drivers.
What is so hard? You go as fast as possible, when something gets in your way, you turn.
You're quoting Better Off Dead. I told you to watch that.
It's a remote control receiver?
Yes, it is.
What is the range?
Almost a kilometer.
I don't speak Canadian. How far is that?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.