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16 SEASONS

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S8 E1Spider and the Fly

Did I ever tell you about the first case that Jethro and I worked? Two sailors capsized a recreational skiff one summer's eve; panic ensued. When they were finally located, one sailor was dead and the other severely hypothermic.

So the one sailor drowned?

No. Rather than watch his friend slowly expire, one sailor stabbed the other, claiming that it was more humane. He was convinced that his actions were justified.

Like Gibbs twenty years ago. [Ducky nods] Ducky, what if this doesn't work? What's going to happen with Gibbs?

In 1940 Winston Churchill sat in his bunker smoking one of those majestic cigars, waiting for news that the first German bombs were decimating London. "Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duty," he said over the radio, "and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.'" The hour is upon us, Abby. All we can do is wait and see.

S8 E2Worst Nightmare

[speaking to three recruits while standing at his desk] Now, this is where the brain trust of the entire unit sits. Come on in. Come on in. Please, have a seat. You notice how I've angled my desk here to get a good vantage point of the entire team here. It's very important as an NCIS agent to stay aware.

[watching from his desk] What's going on here? Are we being replaced by younger models?

I am a younger model.

If that was intended to hurt me, you have succeeded.

And we are not being replaced. They are from Waverly University.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Director Vance's internship program. It's not a good idea. It feeds McGee's need to have groupies. [Ziva smiles]

Also, you are not to touch my computer, my lab equipment, my mp3 player, my Caf-Pow, my desk or Burt my farting hippo without my express written consent.

MSMichael Seelus

Well, how am I going to do anything then?

And there's no cameras or flash photography.

SSeelus

I don't have a camera.

And if accidentally turn my back to you, you are to immediately move back into my eyeline.

SSeelus

Why don't I just wear bells?

That's a really good idea! [moves across the lab and retrieves a set of bells from a drawer] I mean, I'm sorry about this. Darren worked out, but I've just had problems with people that have been assigned to my lab. [holds out the bells]

SSeelus

I'm not putting those on.

Oh, actually you are!

SSeelus

No, I'm not?

[cheerfully] Except for the fact that you are.

[walks in] Abs, I need something fast.

[to Seelus] To be continued. [to Gibbs] Who are you and what you done with my Gibbs who doesn't like interns?

This is Special Agent Gibbs.

MMason

It was self defense.

Why don't you come on in, we can talk about it?

MMason

I think we both know that's not gonna happen.

You lied to me Mason.

MMason

I am sorry about that, but I just didn't want to take the chance that NCIS would screw things up, so I went to the ransom drop myself.

Yea, how'd that work out?

MMason

You're not the only one who was lied to. They said Rebecca would be there, they lied. I did not start the fight.

No, no, you just ended it.

MMason

He was trying to kill me, he gave me no choice. That's why I am calling you, to warn you. These people cannot be trusted. It was like the amateur hour out there today.

And you're the professional? Right?

MMason

I am what I am, bad luck for these guys. The rest is not important.

Mason, you need to come in before you cross a line that you can't come back from.

MMason

I don't have a lot of time so let me be as clear as I can be. There is not a force on this planet that's going to stop me from finding my granddaughter. You have to work within the law. I am a bit more flexible. [Call disconnects]

[Michael Seelus, still wearing his necklace of bells, summons Gibbs to Abby's lab. As they step off the elevator, Seelus jingles, and Gibbs stops in annoyance.]

SSeelus

Sorry, but I'm more scared of her than you.

[Gibbs gives a reluctant nod and continues.]

S8 E3Short Fuse

Ziva, what's going on?

Tony has been selected to be on the cover of the new NCIS recruiting brochure.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Hey, check it out. Who's the new face of NCIS? You're looking at it, McEnvy. Get used to it.

There will be no living with him now.

Now??

You were supposed to be here an hour ago.

My daughter had a performance at school, I told you. Be nice to me. I'v just spent two hours with our ex-wife.

Yeah! She mention my name?

Not for years.

Heh, you shaved your beard!

That's very observant.

What is that?

It's rice.

I thought you were picking up cheeseburgers.

It's lamb curry from the Punjab Express.

We both agreed we hate that place.

We did, but I got a twofer coupon in the mail.

S8 E4Royals and Loyals

What?

I'm just watching the pheromones ooze from your body.

I do not see anything.

That's because they're invisible. It's just a musky scent given off to attract the opposite sex.

Now you're being ridiculous.

Oh, no. It's true. Think about it: first you had your little Miami vice, now Prince Albert in a can. Oh, they can't help it. You're just a walking Israeli love machine.

[speaking of the British liaison officer to the U.S. Navy] He is charming.

What is it with chicks and Brits? Jagger, Bono, Beatles, Bond.

I am not into bondage, I can assure you.

It's like looking for a needle in a haystack!

Why would anyone leave a needle in a stack of hay anyway?

Oh, Lord.

Hey, boss, good news: a guy fitting Malloy's description just paid cash for a ticket to Glasgow.

RMRoyal Marine/MI6 agent Major Malloy

It wasn't me.

Gibbs, where did you find him?

I didn't. He found me. Ziva, you watch him. You watch him like Syria, not Switzerland.

Tony, I have a question.

Shoot.

If and when you meet my friend, and I emphasize 'if', what will you say?

Be careful. [chuckles insecurely] Um, handle with care; contents priceless.

Goodnight, Tony.

Goodnight, Ziva.

S8 E5Dead Air

Tony, have you been drinking?

No. [sniffs breath] Why?

I could have sworn I just heard you thank McGee.

I appreciate his insight.

[skeptically] On what?

Baseball.

Specifically the implementation of instant replay in baseball. If we have the technology, why not use it?

I do not know what is more disturbing: the fact that you both agree on something or that McGee is a fan of a sport.

[jumps when Gibbs touches her shoulder] Gibbs! Are you trying to give me heart palpitations?

No. What do you got, Abs?

Heart palpitations.

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