EExecutive
Please tell me Suzanne is not dead.
Suzanne is not dead.
EExecutive
[stops typing]
Woops.
Big woops.
S1 E10Left For Dead
DDetective
You're telling me the suits from Hoover didn't save The Man? [referring to the President, as seen in "Yankee White"]
Hell no it was N-C-I-us.
DDetective
Not according to the TV reports.
When do they get it right?
We gotta do something, boss.
Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?
According to you or me?
You.
Yeah.
Could anyone make you feel better?
No.
What is it with the Germans and the alphabet thing? BMW, BMG, BASF...and their all "B's"!
I'm resisting the urge to say cut the BS!
S1 E11Eye Spy
[To a soaking wet and obviously freezing cold DiNozzo] You OK? What is it?
(grinning) Shrinkage.
I don't know what you just said, I don't care what you just said, just give me the number. Why is there an asterisk?
Ummmm, not sure.
[gives him a look]
...sir?
That wasn't an "add a sir" look. That was a "you better find out why" look.
Oh.
's alright. Rookie mistake.
[sees Tony coming in Ducky's uniform] Oh my god.
Don't even, okay.
Did I say anything?
You were. I know you were.
They're a touch small, but other than that, it's fine. And the bonus - no belt.
Hmmf!
You're on the air.
Hey Abbs.
Gibbs. How did we do with the moles?
Spooks, Abby, spooks.
I can never get that straight.
You still in touch with that old NASA boyfriend?
He wasn't a boyfriend, he was a boytoy, and yes, we IM almost every day.
You do?
Oh yeah.
That's good, right?
It's very good.
[Later, during a video-conference call]
AAshton (Boytoy)
Greetings from NASA, NCIS.
Whoa, Ashton, that was so Star Trek.
AAshton
Sorry, I'm late. I had a cluster of frozen reactor coolant heading for the flight path of an Atlas liftoff. I had to delay the launch. They were not happy about it. I am, however, very happy to see you, Abby, and to help your NCIS crime-fighting colleagues.
[In the background Kate and Tony exchange amazed looks at this entire exchange]
...and she plays golf left handed.
Whoa, wait, you could see that the clubs were left handed with just a passing glance?
My second wife played golf left handed.
So?
When someone tries to split your skull with a seven iron, it's not a club you soon forget.
[referring to Tony refusing to answer a woman's calls] Talk to her.
She'll get the message.
[small smile and nod]
You know I bet this is why number two came after you with a nine iron, isn't it? You just refused to sit down and talk things through.
Actually that wasn't it at all.
So what was it, then?
Seven iron.
We have a rising tide.
Okay. DiNozzo?
Yo!
You and me take measurements. We'll rebuild them later in the lab. Kate, more photos!
Gotcha.
Gerald, take notes.
I'm on it.
Come on, move it!
We've got to keep him dry.
I've got the sign.
I've got the farthest boulder.
Head and feet!
Fifteen point seven one.
Eleven point three six meters.
Fifteen point seven one. Eleven point three six. Got them.
His dive knife is missing.
Yeah, you didn't see this coming, did you, my friend?
(Waves heard in background)
Hey, watch out! Tide!
(Tony dives to stop the water)
(Chuckles) Well done, Tony.
Bag him.
I've got a spare suit in the van.
[To a soaking wet and obviously freezing cold DiNozzo] You OK? What is it?
(grinning) Shrinkage.
[Tony enters wearing an NCIS suit]
[flashes ID and looking embarrassed and uncomfortable] Agent DiNozzo.
SSparks
[laughs] Just can't stop messing with the uniforms can they, sir?
You know what my dad always said about excuses?
Yeah. They're like armpits. Everybody has them and they all stink.
Actually, he used a different part of the anatomy. But yeah, same difference.
S1 E12My Other Left Foot
[to Tony and Kate] Got humpty dumpty back together again?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.