Still no head or left leg.
Did you check Hooterville?
Where's Hooterville?
You guys. Petticoat Junction, Green Acres. Hooterville.
I prefer TV shows from this century.
S1 E12My Other Left Foot
[about Gibbs] Three red-headed ex-wives shows his judgment is a little questionable.
None of them were murder suspects. Although... I don't know about the redhead who picks him up now and then.
RReceptionist
Can I help you?
[pouring on the charm] I'm sure you can. I'm Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS. You can call me Tony. We'd like to talk to Dr. Chalmers, uh, [leans in very close to read her name tag] Darlene.
RReceptionist
[melting] Okay.
Why don't you just give her a breast exam?
In good time.
You really like small towns?
Peace and quiet. A place where people know you by name. No Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner. What's not to like?
Too quiet, everybody knows your name, there's no Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner.
Big cities just can't give you what small towns can, Tony. It's a simpler way of life, a slice of Americana.
One that doesn't include fifty yard line seats to the Redskins or women with full sets of teeth.
Yeah it always comes back to that doesn't it?
See... You do get me.
What do you have?
A six letter word for a reason to commit a crime...
DiNozzo...
That's seven letters.
Works for me. What do you got?
I do not believe in coincidences!
You weren't buying any of it were you?
Any of what?
You know....her charm.
Is it really that hard to believe, Kate, that I might be attractive to a woman?
MMelissa
No Mama. They can prove everything. About the Digitalis, about how you cut Tommy into little pieces! (screams as her mom slaps her around the face)
MMama
Poor girl’s out of her mind. You can’t use any of this in court.
She was read her Miranda Rights and she waived them. We can use it and we will.
MMama
You little fool. They couldn’t prove anything!
MMelissa
I don’t care anymore Mama! I love Tommy and you killed him!
S1 E13One Shot, One Kill
Hey DiNozzo, kinda reminds me of your apartment, except for that minty fresh urine smell.
Hey for your information I have a maid now.
You can afford a maid?
It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies.
[on Gibbs] You think his recruiter told him a fast one?
I doubt it.
Why?
Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?
This kid wanted to be a paramedic - Sgt. Alvarez told him the Marine Corps would "train him to save lives."
What's wrong with that?
The Marine Corps doesn't have medical personnel.
They're all Navy.
Technically it is true, Marines do save lives. Mostly through the use of superior firepower.
Can we hurry it up? I don't think Gunnery Sergeant Alvarez would appreciate being seen like this.
You knew the man?
[deadpan] No.
[to corpse] If it's any consolation, Gunny, Gibbs is the absolute best we've got.
[speaking to corpse] That's the problem today isn't it. The technological advances of the so-called internet generation, with their MP3 players, their iPods and video games, spinning themselves into a self-induced state of attention deficit disorder, barely absorbing one cluster of information before the next one strikes their fancy.
You think he'd let me borrow his uniform for a weekend?
I don't know. I just hope I'm there when you ask him.
[Inside Abby's lab]
Why are all these dolls naked?
Don't look at me, Boss. Must be a goth thing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.