[Tony has trouble controlling his horse; it's turning in circles]
Uh oh, sheriff, I think he lost a contact.
S6 E17South by Southwest
You are counting your eggs before they are laid.
Operative word is 'laid'.
S6 E18Knockout
[Tony and Tara inside the elevator]
For some reason you can see right through my disguise.
How bad's the dry spell?
Saharan.
Never been a problem before?
You kidding me? Not since Lisa Mullen taught me to play doctor in the second grade.
What's changed?
Real doctor, real love, real bad breakup.
Messed you up pretty bad, huh?
Kicked off a slump with women that's unprecedented in my adult life. I've tried everything. I mean, I'm dating constantly, but I can't seem to get it right. I'm not closing the deal, you know? Like there's a saboteur in my head. I'm making every rookie mistake. I'm talking about myself too much at dinner. I mean, I'm talking about my ex, I'm talking about my feelings, I...I scare 'em off.
Crying.
Ha! DiNozzo men don't cry.
Let's skip to the last step.
That's easy. Pick the right woman. [At that very moment Tara flips the switch to open the elevator doors and to reveal Ziva behind them]
Thank you, Anthony, you're very sweet- my patron saint.
Actually, Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of hook... [stops himself from saying hookers] Saint Anthony is who you turn to when you've lost something.
So, who does Anthony turn to when he's lost something?
How do you know I've lost something?
[laughing] I may not know my saints, but I definitely know my sinners.
Abs, what do you got?
I am not at liberty to discuss the details of Director Vance's case with you. And I would certainly hope that you wouldn't try to bribe me.
I wouldn't do that. [he sets a Caf-pow next to her]
Because I can't say a word about the five slugs that Ducky pulled out of Owens' body. Not that there's a word to say, 'cause I don't even know if these .45 cal S&Ws are a match to the weapon that was found in the deceased's pocket. Not that I would tell you if they are. I'm assuming that your curiosity is for educational purposes. After Ducky does the autopsy we should be able to calculate how long that accumulated post mortem gasses took to counteract the weight that kept Owens submerged.
Great, now I have to build a freaking coffin!
Whaddaya say David? Wanna go a few rounds?
I think that would violate my primary assignment.
Only if you manage to lay a glove on me.
IIssac
Excuse me, darling, but this gym ain't co-ed.
Another time.
Just say when.
[standing up on desk, yelling] Excuse me. K listen up everybody, I need your full attention here. Lenny, Squiggy, Q-Tip, Q-Bert, Bungo Straight, Vertical Bill, can you hear me back there? [says to hot girl] Oh hi Natalie, hi. You look very nice today. [resumes yelling] I have lost my wallet. So, if you've seen it, please return it to me. There will be no judgment, maybe even a small reward.
[everyone looks annoyed as they turn back to work, Tony sees Gibbs standing next to the desk he is on]
Hi boss, I lost my... [jumps down from desk] You're going to say mind or marbles...
Job.
You can't make an omelet without breaking some legs.
You're never making me breakfast!
That is the truth!
It's supposed to be "eggs".
Cook them yourself!
Teek? Is that you?
You have a decision to make Tara. Do we walk out of here, or do I carry you?
S6 E19Hide and Seek
This reminds me of the forests I used to have fun in as a child.
I find that hard to believe.
What, that Israel had forests?
No, that you had fun as a child.
[laughs] Oh, sure. My father used to blindfold us, take us to the middle of the forest, and then we had to find our way out by ourselves.
I stand corrected.
McGee, do you have any idea what world of pain these kids will be in when their dads get home? You ever see The Great Santini?
Don't need to see it - I lived it.
Okay, the victim, Leonard Caswell, postal worker. He was shot at point blank range by Robert Perry. It's kind of funny; a non-postal worker going postal on a postal worker. Not funny like, ha-ha funny, but funny like comically absurdly amusing funny. Like irony, comedy is very subjective.
How was the pawn shop?
I hit a stone wall.
It's a brick wall.
No, it was a stone wall. I backed up too quickly.
Abs, music?
I know. I can barely stand it. I can't focus, it's effecting my cognitive function, I'm getting agitated. It's not for me. It's for them. [indicating maggots in a jar] I'm playing classical music for babies. It's supposed to increase their spatiotemporal reasoning and increase intelligence. [sighs] If I keep listening to this, I'm gonna turn into a psycho killer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.