[After Abby fails to detect where Gibbs is hiding after sneaking into her lab]
Abby: You are getting sneakier the older you get!
Gibbs: Not to mention better-looking.

[After being rescued.]
Tony: I want a divorce!

[after DiNozzo throws a rock through a window to illegally gain entrance to a house]
McGee: That's breaking and entering.
Tony: No. That was breaking... and this is entering.

[after finding Commander Rabb's name on the hat]
Abby: If the hat does fit, you can't acquit.
[both lawyers give Abby a funny look]
Abby: Oh, come on; one of you would have said it if you had thought of it first.

[After he, Gibbs, and McGee, by themselves, rescue Ziva from a terrorist base in Somalia.]
Tony: Just your typical day at the office.

[After McGee's initial refusal to fix Tony's home computer for free.]
Tony: Come on, computers are your thing! If I had a thing I'd want to show it off.
Gibbs: There are rules against that, DiNozzo.

[As they walk into the squad room]
McGee: Tony, I am not arguing with you.
Tony: You're arguing now.
McGee: No I am not.
Tony: Are too.
McGee: This is not an argument.
Tony: Yes it is.
McGee: (exasperated) No, it's not.
Tony: Yes. It is. (phone rings) Hang on...
[Tony proceeds to answer Ziva's phone for her, teasing her as she walks up about the man on the other end before she snatches it]
Tony: (wanders to McGee's desk) What were we arguing about before?
McGee: (gives him a look) We were not arguing.
Tony: Oh, right. Yes we were.
McGee: Do you understand that that's what we were arguing about? The fact that you will argue about the least little thing. Sometimes you will argue about nothing at all... you just want to argue.
Tony: That's not arguing, McContrary. C'mon. Have a little insight. That's bantering.
McGee: No, it's not. 'Banter' is light-hearted, witty repartee.
Tony: (grins) Go onnn...
McGee: (looks annoyed for a moment, then gives up and smirks) It's your turn to get the coffee. Go.

[At the shooting range Gibbs tapes Tony's hat on his target]
Tony: [protesting] Ah c'mon, boss. I've been breaking that cap in for three months. I love that cap.
Kate: Then don't shoot it.
Gibbs: Back this up? [tapes Kate's PDA to her target]
Kate: [protests] Ah, no no no, Gibbs. Come on, my whole life is in that thing.
Gibbs: Then don't shoot it. [walks away]
Kate: [to Tony] If we screw this up, I have a suggestion.
Tony: What?
Kate: We break into Gibbs' basement and set the boat on fire.
Tony: That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Gibbs: Fire. Let's see how you do under pressure.
Tony: I'll bring the lighter fluid.
Kate: Deal.
[Later]
Abby: Very cool. Where can I get one of these? [admires Tony's bullet hole ridden cap]
Tony: You can have that one.

[crime scene is a car crash below a very steep slope, and Ducky calls to the agents to come down and help find a bullet]
McGee: [exchanges uneasy looks with Tony] Well... as, you've pointed out many times, I'm-- I'm just a junior field agent.
Tony: All the more reason you need the experience, probie.
McGee: How about if I follow in your footsteps... you lead the way?
Tony: How about if you kiss my experienced buttocks?

[dream sequence]
Gibbs: [rolls over in bed to hug Shannon] Looks like morning happened again.
Shannon: What's the plan today?
Gibbs: I'm thinking of going to the hardware store.
Shannon: Have they invented a tool you don't have in that basement of yours?
Gibbs: [smiles] I need supplies.
Shannon: [laughs] That's what I like to hear. I love it when you start something new. What do you have in mind?
Gibbs: I'll let the wood tell me.
Shannon: I hope the wood says rolltop desk. [moves to get out of bed]
Gibbs: [pulls her back] I changed my mind. I'll stay in bed all day with you. The hardware store will be there tomorrow.
Shannon: How are you going to get what you need if you don't let me go?
[Gibbs wakes up on the couch to an empty home]

[Ducky is telling his findings in court]
Major McBurney: What else did you discover?
Ducky: On her left buttock, I found a tattoo of a stalking leopard. Majestic. Brilliant. I've only seen one other like it: on a tango dancer in Buenos Aires who died of dehydration. I was on sabbatical at the ti--
McBurney: [interrupts] Doctor, I was asking about Lieutenant Singer.
Ducky: She wasn't in Buenos Aires...

[F.B.I. Agents Maya and Yussif were doing surveillance on Tony and Ziva, and are convinced the two actually had sex.]
Maya: We're talking about your agents pretending to be married assassins.
Yussif: Very convincing.
Maya: I don't think anyone in the FBI would actually go all the way just to sell a cover story.
Yussif: [eyeing Maya] I would.
McGee: Guys, they were acting.
Yussif: Trust me. I know when someone's acting when they're having sex.
Maya: It's true. I've met his wife.

[Flashback to 1976 when Gibbs meets his wife, Shannon, for the first time]
Gibbs: Are you waiting for the train, too? [she nods] We could sit together.
Shannon: I don't know. It's a long ride, but I guess you're not a lumberjack.
Gibbs: No.
Shannon: I have a rule. It's either rule number one or number three: never date a lumberjack.
Gibbs: You got a rule for everything?
Shannon: I'm working on it. Everyone needs a code they can live by. What's your name?
Gibbs: Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
Shannon: I'm just gonna call you Gibbs.
Gibbs: You can call me anything you want.
Shannon: I'm Shannon.

[Gibbs and Jenny are watching Tony and Ziva from the above squad room]
Jenny: She seems to be fitting in well.
Gibbs: She almost killed my entire team yesterday.
Jenny: How?
Gibbs: Driving home from a crime scene.
Jenny: I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life.

[Gibbs and Mann kiss in her bedroom.]
Lt. Col. Mann: Before we do this, I just need to know one thing. How did you get the damn boat out of your basement?