What's going on here?
Don't know. Don't care. None of my business DiNosey.
You are such a control geek.
Freak.
Yes, that too.
S6 E3Capitol Offence
So you stayed at Ab's last night, huh? You guys sleep in the same room?
It is a one-bedroom apartment.
One bedroom, one bed? One coffin?
You want the truth?
Yeah, [as Jack Nicholson] I think I can handle the truth.
My building was being fumigated and Abby was kind enough to let me stay over... on the couch... in my pajamas.
Come on, work with me! Couldn't you lie just a little bit?
So what's up with El Jefe? Yesterday he leaves the crime scene with no explanation. Today he knew the Admiral had a problem with the victim. Where'd he get that?
Maybe he's bluffing.
Uh-uh. It was on the nose.
Whose nose?
On the money. Bullseye. Right as rain. You were doing better before you went back to Israel. You've reverted.
Abby, what are you doing?
A boundary has been crossed. I've been violated. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah? Tell me.
Someone stole my cupcake.
Hey. You looking for me, Tony?
No, I am. Do you think I'm an idiot?
No.
What, you thought I wouldn't figure it out?
What is she talking about?
The cupcake.
You stole it from my refrigerator. I have forensic evidence. Your big fat finger print.
Oh, come on, you think I'm that stupid? Look, if I was going to steal your precious cupcake I would not leave a fingerprint on your refrigerator.
You didn't. You used latex gloves. Brand new box, McGee. Only prints, mine and yours.
You said you were going gluten-free.
Where is it, McGee?
I was saving you from yourself, Abby.
Where did you save it, McGee?
Okay, I ate it. It was late, I hadn't eaten since lunch, the machine in the break room was empty and it looked so good.
[hugs McGee] What were you thinking, McGee? She's a world-class forensic scientist. [dope-slaps him]
I bought the cupcake for Abby. [dope-slaps him]
So, how was it?
It was life-changing.
I need a DNA swab.
What's this about?
Someone stole her cupcake.
No! It's an invasion of privacy!
[glares at him] McGee, I will get your DNA one way or the other.
Do what the woman says. She sleeps in a coffin.
S6 E4Heartland
I'll call Tony.
I'll call Abby. [they both run]
ZMZiva & McGee
[via webcam] Gibbs has a father!
TATony & Abby
Tell me everything!
Do you feel that?
[digging through trash] What? Week-old bananas?
No. We are being watched.
How do you do that?
[Flashback to 1976 when Gibbs meets his wife, Shannon, for the first time]
Are you waiting for the train, too? [she nods] We could sit together.
I don't know. It's a long ride, but I guess you're not a lumberjack.
No.
I have a rule. It's either rule number one or number three: never date a lumberjack.
You got a rule for everything?
I'm working on it. Everyone needs a code they can live by. What's your name?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
I'm just gonna call you Gibbs.
You can call me anything you want.
I'm Shannon.
[Ducky arrives at the crime scene in a tuxedo.]
Haven't you ever heard of a night at the opera?
Sure, the Marx Brothers at their most hilarious. Groucho as Otis B. Driftwood. I love the part where they rip up the contract.
[imitating Groucho Marx] "That's no good-a for you, it's no good-a for me!"
So when was the last time you went home?
I make it a point to go home every night.
[Gibbs, McGee and Ziva arrive in Stillwater.]
SGSheriff Gantry
You know, if you had a little tennis ball buzzcut, instead of all that salt and pepper, you'd remind me of this skinny little wiseass I used to know.
[chuckles] How you been, Ed?
[to Gibbs, points to a Winchester rifle on the wall] Is that the gun you learned to shoot with?
GGibbs
No one was ever allowed to touch that Winchester.
Let that be a lesson in parenting. Tell a kid he can't have a rifle and he grows up to be a sniper.
[Gibbs looks at his dad awkwardly]
I'll call Tony.
I'll call Abby. [they both run to the laptop]
[...]
ZMZiva & McGee
[via webcam] Gibbs has a father!
TATony & Abby
[back at the lab] Tell me everything!
His name is Jackson. He's a good talker. He may have winked at me.
Gibbs is very different around him.
[excitedly] Different how? Different bad? Different good?
He's like a teenager. Sort of.
Okay, I'm coming...! I'm going...! I'm leaving!
Me, too!
Everybody's always lying to you, all the time. Can't you ever just take things as you see 'em?
I see people lying to me!
[sighs] You were such a happy child.
Boss, I talked to Tony and Abby...
"Boss"? [to Jethro] You make them call you that? [to McGee] He's not a...! [catches himself] Are you a boss, Leroy?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.