[Gibbs and Tony arrive to find Ziva standing over two restrained suspects and a woman with a knife in her chest]
Tony: Remind me never to piss her off.
Gibbs: Oh, DiNozzo, you have no idea.

[Gibbs brings Tony back to the office, who had been recovering from y.pestis, and is puzzled by Kate and McGee ignoring him]
Tony: [watches the team gear up for a call-out, still ignored, and disconcerted] Maybe I did die.
Gibbs: [stands next to him] You feel that?
Tony: [glances at Gibbs] What?
[Gibbs headslaps him as Tony winces and gives him a dumbfounded look]
Gibbs: [smiles] You're still alive. Welcome back, DiNozzo.

[Gibbs has entered the room with the hostage-taker.]
Tony: [from outside] I want to speak with Special Agent Gibbs.
Gibbs: Everybody's okay... Boss.
Tony: That's good to hear... Special Agent Gibbs.
Kody: Your agent says he's a negotiator.
Tony: Well, that's right. He's my best man.
Kody: Your best man's a moron for getting caught in here.
Tony: He always had an attitude problem.
[Inside the room, Gibbs smiles. Outside the room, Tony winces.]

[Gibbs hits the back of Ziva's head]
Ziva: Ow! What was that for?!
Gibbs: Alerting DiNozzo.
[Ziva throws a notepad at a smiling Tony]

[Gibbs is visiting Abby's stalker ex-boyfriend, Michael, at his business, Krime Kleaners]
Gibbs: The only reason you're still able to walk is because I never heard about you until today.

[Gibbs sees the photo of McGee "kissing" his dog.]
Gibbs: At least you don't have to pay alimony, McGee.

[Gibbs slaps Tony]
Tony: If I get anthrax, how will you feel?
Gibbs: Not as bad as you, DiNozzo.

[Gibbs walks into Abby's lab with a scorched book from the crime scene]
Gibbs: Hey Abs, brought you a book.
Abby: Oh...great...you know, it's supposed to be burnt after reading, not before?

[In a flashback, Tony is talking to Gibbs over the phone. Gibbs' cell rings in the background]
Tony: You need to get that?
Gibbs: No. My wife.
[...]
Gibbs: [phones rings again] Ah, I gotta get this one.
Tony: Is that your wife again?
Gibbs: Divorce lawyer.

[In the privacy of the elevator, Gibbs and Fornell quickly hammer out a cooperation agreement.]
Fornell: And people say we're bastards?
Gibbs: Only because they know us.

[In the showers.]
Tony: Who would send me a letter with anthrax?
Kate: Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl.
Tony: That's not funny, Kate.
Kate: Yeah, I know.
Tony: This is serious.
Kate: I know, Tony! I'm sorry.
Tony: At this very instant, someone is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt and my Gucci shoes!
McGee: You know, it might not be anthrax.
Tony: I like the sound of that, Probie!
McGee: It could be smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera...
Tony: Probie!
McGee: ...foot powder, face powder, talcum powder...
Tony: Honeydust!
McGee: "Honeydust"?
Tony: Honeydust. I give it to girls.
[Kate glares at him but she knows Tony can't see it. He knows it.]
Tony: Women! Sorry, Kate. I give it to "women" at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather.
Kate: [chuckles] You don't use the whole chicken?
McGee: I never heard of honeydust.
Kate: Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee.
Gibbs: It makes a woman's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey.
[Everybody pokes their heads out of their showers and look in horror/amazement at Gibbs']
Gibbs: Got a box of Honeydust last Christmas. No card.
Tony: Ah... I think the post office screwed up, boss. Somebody else got your bottle of Jack and you got their...
[Tony is cut off by Kate]
Kate: Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail?
McGee: Yeah, that's right! All federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility at Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, it dies.
Tony: The diseases that you name, they-they have DNA?
McGee: They do.
Kate: Oh, you should have let him squirm.
Tony: Ha ha! Then, it's no worries!
Gibbs: Unless the post office screwed up again.

[Indistinct yelling.]
Kate: Thank god Tony is still alive.
[Gibbs gives her a questioning look.]
Kate: Who else you know who pisses people off like that?

[Interrogating a ship's captain, Ziva plucks away his cigar.]
Captain: [in Turkish, under his breath] Bitch...
Mcgee: {confused} What did he say?
Ziva: [in Turkish] How would you like this bitch to apply that cigar to your testicles?
Mcgee: Now what did you say?
Ziva: That I understood him.

[Kate and Tony go undercover posing as a trashy couple going for a paternity test.]
Kate: You writin' my name, right?
Tony: What? I just wanna know if it's mine. She kinda sleeps around a lot, if you know what I mean.
Kate: If I did, it's cuz he ain't any good in bed.
Tony: Least I didn't sleep with my cousin.
Kate: You slept with my sista!
Tony: I thought it was you!
Kate: She weighs 300 pounds.
Tony: She was wearing your earrings.
Receptionist: That's enough! If you two can't be civil, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Kate: Look, is there anywhere I can wait away from him? Please? I'm beggin' you.
Receptionist: There's an empty exam room behind you two doors on the right.
Kate: Thank you. [She flings her gum at Tony as she leaves.]
Tony: I'm sorry. She slept with my brother. And my best friend. At the same time.

[Kate screams.]
Abby: Is something wrong?
Kate: Gibbs is driving.
Abby: I'm sending a prayer in many languages.