Unless you're a spy.
Why're you looking at me?!
I'm trying to lighten the atmosphere with a little humor.
S4 E24Angel Of Death
[speaking to her computers and devices] Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Okay, I know you guys have been working really hard lately, and I promised that you could have the weekend off, but this sounds like an emergency, so I need everybody to get those electrons flowing! If anybody is not up to it, I need to know now, not when the Director arrives. Something's wrong. [walks up to her stereo and turns up music, then heads back to her computer and breathes in deeply] Ready.
S5 E1Bury Your Dead
ZMZiva / McGee
What're you doing here?
I asked first.
Well technically, Ziva, I think that if we were to put that to the test you'd find that it was too close to call. But, since my parents raised a gentleman and yours raised a killer, I was defragging my computers.
Liar.
His cover is teaching film online in American university.
Tony, a teacher?
No wonder he's been compromised. Who's bright idea was that?
Mine.
What was that for?
Believing I was dead.
Hey, I never believed that you were dead. Ziva was the one that gave up on you.
Don't even think about the headslap.
Tony! I knew you'd be alright, I knew it! Everybody else gave you up for dead, even Ziva!
OK, so I may have acted a little... hastily.
That's my letter opener!
Excellent balance and weight. The edge is a little dull, but I have always admired it.
(checks his desk) Where's my American Pie coffee mug?
Palmer.
Mighty Mouse stapler?
Ducky. (looks over his shoulder) Hey, Ducky!
[Tony turns and sees Ducky, caught in the act of trying to replace Tony's Mighty Mouse stapler.]
My dear fellow... I never believed it for a moment!
You ever lie to someone you love, Ziva?
Yes.
They ever forgive you?
They never found out.
Mine found out.
S5 E2Family
I'm just being curious.
About when I lost my virginity.
No, you misunderstood. I'm not asking when you lost your virginity but if you lost it.
[Seeing Tony working at his desk] What's wrong with this picture?
You mean, beside Tony being here before us? And actually working?
I can hear you, you know.
I am here if you'd like to talk.
About what?
I know how much you cared about her.
I'm fine, Ziva.
All right. But I thought maybe you'd need a little cheering up.
If I needed to be cheered up, I would've put superglue on McGee's keyboard.
You put superglue on my keyboard!
All right. I think I know what happened here.
Oh, twenty bucks says McGee's about to say something nobody understands again.
The GPS coordinates came bundled in a proprietary packet. Since it was a beta, I thought-
I'm starting to think you can't help yourself, McGee.
[Ziva confronts Tony in the men's room]
You know, I saw this on Cinemax once.
So what happens now?
They play some funky music and you say, "I have been watching you from afar."
Well, I've been watching you from afar, Tony, which is why I know how much you cared for Jeanne.
Oh, your timing is impeccable, Ziva.
And how much it hurt when she left. So, what happens now?
I said I'm fine.
You are not fine. You are still deeply troubled.
Even if I was, this bothers you because...?
Because you are my partner. And because you made a grave error in judgment falling in love with that girl.
If this is a pep-talk, I give you a D-minus.
And right now, it is very clear you are still hanging onto her.
I see the confusion. These are called "feelings," Ziva.
Feelings you need to let go.
That easy, huh?
Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time, to leave your entire life behind for her? You did not think this through.
Didn't you tell me the heart wants what it wants?
No. Actually, I didn't.
Well, it does.
Well, it shouldn't.
Really. This coming from the woman who fell in love with the dead man walking.
You crossed the line, Tony.
Oh, I crossed the line?
Do I need to send you two back to the men's room?
Hey! She followed me in there!
Only because you wouldn't talk to me!
[Gibbs stares them down] Shutting up, Boss.
The prints were made by a residue of polysaccharide dust derived from belta-glucose. What makes it interesting, is the backbone of D-xylopyranose, linked with eight xylose units... Panda poop.
Panda?
Poop. Which is why it fluoresces, like all other poop does. What makes it really, really interesting... is the sodium hydrochloride: a.k.a Chlorine bleach.
[pause] I, lost you at "poop", huh.
Uh-huh.
Our hit-and-run just became shoot-and-scoot.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.