TV show quotes
[Tony scrubs red donut jelly off of his shirt in front of mirror in men's room. Man at urinal gives him the side-eye]
Interrogation got a little out of hand. I had to---
[Door opens. Ziva enters men's room and casually leans against the wall]
I can't explain that. [Man at urinal grunts at the sight of Ziva, zips, and flushes urinal]
Hello. [Glances at the man leaving the men's room] Again.
Crash and burn, only a matter of time.
What?
Not a what. A whom. Colonel Mann, Gibbs. Army/Navy joint operation.
Could last a lifetime.
Behind the torture techniques and the contract killings, you're really just a...
A whom?
Whom? Not a whom, it's more, it's a what.
A what, then?
What then? Uh... what? What...
I'm still just a what?
A girl.
[both stop and look at him in surprise]
Who do you think is prettier? Ex-wife number three, or future ex-wife number four?
Colonel Mann is at a disadvantage because of her uniform. [pause] Tell me you're not trying to imagine her without the uniform, Tony!
A man's heart often tells us how he lived. Sometimes, it might even tell us how he died, but contrary to popular myth, it never tells us how he loved.
Bring her in for another interview.
Wait.
I said bring her in!
And I said wait!
This never turns out well for the kids.
Gibbs has this uncanny ability to know when I've found something. I don't even know what I've found yet.
Well he didn't seem happy.
Oh, no, no. He never is. Even when he is happy, and I doubt he's happy right now. But, you know, I am his favorite, so he's usually pretty good with me.
[Tony enters the squad room singing "Luck Be a Lady" out loud and listening to his iPod]
[Ziva makes the "cut it out" sign]
Hi. [notices Gibbs glaring at him] Hey Boss. Sorry about that. It's, uh, Sinatra. You gotta sing along. I mean it's Old Blue Eyes, Chairman of the Board. I'm gonna rat pack it up.
[Gibbs turns and glares at Abby, who is smiling away]
[McGee is intently listening to his iPod at his desk]
Becoming an alpha male means that without saying a word, you're able to project confidence and sexuality simply through your body language....
[Unbeknownst to McGee, Gibbs has been standing right next to him glaring at him all this time. McGee notices and jumps, startled.]
MIT lecture. [Gibbs continues staring at him] Nothing I can't listen to on my own time.
It's the newest version Gibbs. It's 160 gigabytes. You could download like 40,000 songs.
I only listen to 5, Abs.
Five thousand?
No! Five!
Oh Gibbs, we really have to broaden your horizons. I could download some of my music for you.
[Col Mann and Gibbs are in front of the house/crime scene while Tony, Ziva and McGee are prepping and bringing their equipment out of the van]
Dead Marine.
Army base.
Her rock smashes his scissors, which puts the Colonel on top.
You work for me on this one Jethro. It's my army base, my crime scene.
And my people, my office.
[McGee observes Mann and Gibbs from the van]
They know we're still seeing each other?
[Gibbs smiles at her]
She--
Still on top?
Seeing Gibbs.
Same thing. But an excellent question nonetheless, Probie.
[Inside Director Jenny Shepard's office]
We have, uh, a little issue.
We?
You want to tell her, Agent Gibbs?
[mutters] No, not particularly.
Is this issue going to involve lawyers?
It already did. [Gibbs looks away uncomfortably] It's his ex-wife. She's a material witness.
And which ex would that be?
Stephanie.
What number is she again? Second?
Third.
All right. You lived in Europe with her for a while, Frankfurt?
Moscow.
Two years?
One.
Well, it's hard to live in Moscow. With anyone. [to Mann] Do you think he should "divorce" himself from this case, Colonel Mann?
No, no, ma'am, no.
Nor do I. I don't see a problem if you conduct the interview. [to Gibbs] Do you have a problem with Colonel Mann interviewing your ex-wife Agent Gibbs?
Do I have a choice?
No.
Yes, because neither rain nor sleet nor any class of simple atomic substance will keep me from my appointed duty, sir!
The husband, the wife and the lover. All the trademarks of a classic love triangle.
You forgot the lover's lover which would make it technically, I think, a lover's quadrangle.
[Gibbs, Mann, Abby, Tony and Ziva confront Fred at the elevator]
So it was greed, huh.
DiNozzo?
My acting boss says you ain't going anywhere.
What did you sell and who did you sell it to?
Maybe if you cut me a deal, I'll tell you.
[smiles] Abby?
[Gibbs steps aside and Abby punches Fred in the face. Everyone winces except...]
[grins] Sweet.
[Tony arrests Fred]
Did you get her number?
Who, Courtney? No.
I did.
[Ziva and McGee are focused at his computer and grinning as Tony walks in]
[chuckles] Aw, not bad....
Look at this one... you're gonna love this guy.
Yeah, he would not be safe with me... I would eat him.
He's so adorable! How can you say no to that face...
[chuckles]
Please tell me you're looking for a man for Ziva.
[gives him a stare] Not me.
Oh! [wanders over] McGoo... is there something you wanna tell me?
Looking at animal rescue sites.
McGee is thinking about getting a puppy.
Puppy's a lot of work. You gotta feed it, walk it, train it...
Yeah, I'm not twelve, alright. I work hard. I deserve someone that will jump up, all excited when I get home, you know. Lay on the couch, watch TV. Maybe lick my face a little bit...
[exchanges amused looks with him and chuckles]
Might be easier getting a girlfriend.
[gives him a distasteful look] Ehh.
Which might be even easier with a puppy. [Tony gets a look on his face, slowly meeting McGee's gaze] Even for you.
I'm not ready to start taking tips on this from you yet, probie.
Tony, I think it's time you get back on that horse.
[looks confused] Are you getting a pony?
It's an adage.
I am not familiar with that breed.
Yeah, well they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a pegasus and a unicorn.
So, what's the favorite?
[annoyed] The Pit Bull.
Yeah, that makes sense for you, actually. Not really for McGee. He seems more like a Spaniel kind of guy. Cocker, maybe?
[Tony, Ziva and McGee are discussing which dog to get as Gibbs walks past]
How about an Australian Shepherd. They're working dogs.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
