You shoved a French cop off a cliff?
There was a lake below!
Sixty feet below.
S1 E3Seadog
I was in the Secret Service, we tend to get all hot and bothered over large numbers of $100 bills.
Is that what does it for you?
What does it for me, Tony, is a mystery you will never find out.
But, I know the answer.... Grant.
[about to send drug kingpins to Gitmo as suspected terrorists] You do not have the right to remain silent. You do not have the right to an attorney. If you want an attorney, you won't get an appointment to see one. Do you understand these rights you don't have?
[while watching video of a terrorists van] Are we submitting to the Sundance Film Festival?
Yeah, best terrorist film category.
Sweet.
Well that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling doesn't it?
What?
That Gibbs trusts us with a contaminated crime scene.
I feel like I just kissed my sister.
I didn't know you had a sister Tony.
I don't. I was fantasizing.
I need music to do that.
[Tony is reading off a list of potential cases to Gibbs]
He's been searching for a case, any case, since I came in.
[reading from an e-mail] "All agents not working active cases are to attend the sexual harassment lecture at the NCIS human resource training center at 0930 hours today."
[deadpan] I cannot sit through another one of those. I will shoot myself.
You mean they train you guys how to harass? [Gibbs turns and looks at her] Hey, I'm kidding, except for Tony.
For the last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seatbelt on.
[angrily to Tony] That man is an imbecile! He shouldn't be a school crossing guard!
It moved.
Remind me to check our inventory of alcohol swabs.
It moved, Doc.
Well, he was certainly dead on the beach.
Well, we might get lucky
(typing on her laptop) No-one's that lucky!
We are
He could be a service man doing his job!
(as the terrorist starts shooting he yells) No, I don't think so!
S1 E4The Immortals
No boss, you don't understand. I love Puerto Rico.
Been there a lot?
[excited at the beginning...trailing off at the end] No that's just it, I've never been there... I mean I'm so wanting to go. Ever since I was a kid I was just...so wanting...sorry...I just always...
[deadpan] Wanted to be there.
Yeah.
Well if you'll excuse me, I'll get our poor seaman out of his wet clothes.
You're not going to say, and into a dry Martini, are you?
[to Gibbs] When you're a computer geek invading dungeons and fighting ogres, Jethro doesn't cut it. [look from Gibbs] ... Neither does Tony.
So they pretty much hate us.
Noooooooooo........... Pretty much.
Aren't you guys interested at all in what I brought you back from Puerto Rico?
GKGibbs and Kate
[sighing] Sure. Fine.
[Tony grins and hands them a couple bags, Kate looks in hers]
You gotta be kidding.
A bikini. Two-piece.
A bottom. And a hat??
Puerto Rican!
Any chance you're going to try that on?
[tosses it at Gibbs] You first.
[looks over the bikini bottom] Trust me. It's not gonna fit.
Pigs. I work with pigs.
[as Gibbs is opening his gift] It's a fantasy RPG book. Complete with character sheets and dice. Baby steps, Gibbs. Baby steps.
It's in Spanish.
There's just no pleasing you, is there?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.