Fornell quotes from NCIS

I'm just sayin' that there's something different this time, maybe because we're ex's. [looks at Gibbs] You should try it. [awkwardly] I mean, with another one of your ex-wives...not this one 'cause...this one's taken.

Gibbs

[getting out of Fornell's car] Can I go home now?

You are the worst advice-giver I've ever met! Don't quit your day job.

Diane

[furiously] Emily, do you have any idea what kind of trouble you are in, missy?!

Emily

Me? You're the one who's ruining your life!

Diane

I beg your pardon?

Emily

[sarcastically] Uh, www-dot-you-and-dad-suck-together-dot-com? Or are you too desperate at this point to care?

[aside to Gibbs] Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh.

Diane

How dare you talk to me like that!

Emily

You and Dad speak to each other? All you guys do is fight!

Diane

We do not fight! We are just VERY LOUD!

Emily

[to Tobias] And you! How could you do this to me?!

Honey, no one is doing anything to you. Your mother and I are just... wait a second. How do you know about... your mother and me?

Emily

I know everything. I put a keystroke logger on both your Facebook accounts.

Diane

You what?!

You need a warrant to do that!

Tony

[laughs] Heh. Abs, I hope you told Gibbs to come alone 'cause Fornell's head would explode if he saw these texts.

Better get a mop!

Diane

Tony, if you value your life, you'll turn off that computer right now!

Touch that CPU and I touch you!

Tony

Can't hear you. I have a sinus infection. I have to go get my netty pot. [flees the scene]

Hello, Diane. I heard we broke up, sorry about that. Oh, by the way, I'm a Secret Service Agent.

Diane

I heard. What's with the attitude?

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's that you were sleeping with your ex-husband while we were dating.

[starting to restrain Eddie] Hey...! [stops, thinks, turns to Diane] Man has a point.

Diane

[scoffs] Oh, you guys are buddies now?

Gibbs

(deadpan) Yeah. We're thinking of starting a club.

I hate hospitals. You can't shake the smell of antiseptic...

Will you stop complaining? You're not the one who had to drop trou in front of Nurse Ratchet. Where's Gibbs?

Tony DiNozzo

He's, uh... upstairs, MTAC, talking to Vance.

What?

Tony DiNozzo

It's just... a nice look, the neon chin strap. You guys stop by a rave on the way back from the hospital?

Look, the ER ran out of bandages, all right? They had to borrow from pediatrics.

Gibbs

What are you doing, Tobias? I hid this file.

Not very well. I'm bored.

Gibbs

It's a classified government file.

I'm a classified government guy. Come on! Throw me a bone. Anything, will you? Let me help you. Can't watch another cooking show.