Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Kate

Is he really sleeping or is that just an act?

Tony

Oh, he's sleeping.

Kate

How can you tell?

Tony

He looks peaceful.

Gibbs

Morning. Sleep well?

Kate

If you consider throwing up violently all night and being thrown around like a couple of rag dolls...

Tony

...then yes, we slept very well, Boss. Thanks for asking.

Kate

We sure screwed that up.

Tony

Yep, still doesn't explain the cover-up and fake colonel.

Kate

They're called classified ops for a reason, Tony. We'll probably never know.

Tony

The phone call? Your calling plan include the afterlife, Kate?

Kate

Voice recognition isn't an exact science.

Tony

Neither is Gibbs' gut. And he's convinced there's more going on here than a crank call.

Kate

Well, I hate to break it to you, Tony, but Gibbs can be wrong sometimes.

Tony

Name once.

Kate

He has been married, like, four times.

Tony

There is that.

Gibbs

There is what?

Tony

Nothing, boss. Just, uh, discussing the case.

Kate

Or a lack thereof. You still wanna take a look at those LES's?

Gibbs

I don't know. You figured out how Kidwell died yet?

Kate

I'll, um… I'll just get them in order for you.

Gibbs

Kate? It was three times, not four.

Gibbs

(on phone) Gibbs.

(on phone) I don't appreciate being interrogated, Agent Gibbs.

Gibbs

(on phone) Well why don't we start with, who is this?

(on phone) Lisa Peary. Don't you think I would have told you if Jim Kidwell called me?

Gibbs

(on phone) Well, exactly who is interrogating you, Mrs. Peary?

(on phone) He said his name's Agent DiNozzo.

Gibbs

(on phone) When did this happen?

(on phone) He's here right now.

Gibbs

(on phone) Where?

(on phone) Coleman Park.

Gibbs

(on phone) I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Does he know...I'm on the phone talking to you?

(on phone) No, I don't think so.

Gibbs

(on phone) See if you can't keep him there until I get there.

Gibbs

Mrs. Peary.

Ah, I tried to keep him here but I think he knew something was up.

Gibbs

Does this look like the man?

Yes. If he doesn't work for NCIS, who does he work for?

Gibbs

I don't know but I promise you I'm going to find out. Which way did he go?

Five minutes ago. Wearing a black windbreaker.

Gibbs

Take your kids home. I'll be in touch.

Tony

(eating a sandwich) I would just like to go on the record and say "I really miss the Gulf Stream we took to Gitmo" (notices Kate with her head in a bag so puts his sandwich next to her mouth) You hungry?

Kate

(groans as she's sick some more) Tony! Do I look hungry to you?

Tony

Well, No! Actually you look kind of...

Kate

(gasps) Tell me that's normal!

Tony

That is! (the plane drops suddenly and Kate freaks) Now that I'm not too sure about!

Kate

(groans in fear) How long till we get to Colombia?

Tony

(swallowing his sandwich) Oh not long! (sees Kate's look of relief) Five, six hours tops!

Kate

(swallows a mouthful of water, looks at Gibbs sleeping across from them) Is he really sleeping or is that just an act?

Tony

Oh, he's sleeping.

Kate

How can you tell?

Tony

He looks peaceful.

Gibbs

(yawns and stretches) Morning. Sleep well?

Kate

If by "well" you mean violently throwing up all night and being bounced around like rag dolls...

Tony

...then yes, we slept very well, Boss. Thanks for asking.

Gibbs

You'll get used to it!

Kate

That's what I'm afraid of!

Agent Gibbs? We'll be landing in about fifteen minutes! (passes Gibbs a cup of coffee)

Gibbs

Thanks! My compliments to the pilot!

Kate

(stands up and looks around)

Gibbs

Uh...What ya looking for Kate?

Kate

The ladies room!

Tony

(snickers)

Kate

Okay then the Men's room!

Gibbs

There's no "Men's room".

Kate

Then how the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom? (Gibbs passes her a plastic bag) Oh no! Forget it! I can wait! (Gibbs smiles at her then she sticks her hand out for the bag) Damn it! Where?

Gibbs

If you want some privacy...I'd go behind those big boxes over there!

Kate

God I miss Air Force One!

Tony

Fell asleep working on your boat again?

Gibbs

Why'd you say that, DiNozzo?

Tony

Boss, I know the farm report when I hear it.

Abby

So I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens.

Gibbs

Do I look like DiNozzo?

Tony

Not funny, boss. Besides I can open a chastity belt.

Abby

Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome, eighteenth century French.

Tony

You have a chastity belt?

Gibbs

So much more information than I need to know about Abby.

Gibbs

Tests? On a Navy ship?

Tony

If I heard there were gonna be tests on a Navy ship you think we'd still be standing here?

Gibbs

Oh, forgot. Your minds work concurrently.

Tony

You remember when I stayed with you that time when it didn't really go so well.

Gibbs

Yeah, I remember, DiNozzo.

Tony

Well, I was younger then, immature, a little unfocused.

Gibbs

It was six months ago, Tony.

Gibbs

[on cell phone] No you will not put her picture on TV. I want whoever did this to think she's still dead. No, Kate, no. Our priority is finding the bomb. [closes phone] She's bonded.

Tony

Kate and Jane Doe?

Gibbs

Oh yeah. She hasn't even questioned her yet, 'Her eyes they just pleaded for help'.

Tony

Love that look in a woman.

Please tell me Suzanne is not dead.

Tony

Suzanne is not dead.

[stops typing]

Gibbs

Woops.

Tony

Big woops.

Tony

We gotta do something, boss.

Gibbs

Have you ever made a mistake, Tony?

Tony

According to you or me?

Gibbs

You.

Tony

Yeah.

Gibbs

Could anyone make you feel better?

Tony

No.

Tony

What is it with the Germans and the alphabet thing? BMW, BMG, BASF...and their all "B's"!

Gibbs

I'm resisting the urge to say cut the BS!

Kate

[To a soaking wet and obviously freezing cold DiNozzo] You OK? What is it?

Gibbs

(grinning) Shrinkage.

Abby

You're on the air.

Gibbs

Hey Abbs.

Abby

Gibbs. How did we do with the moles?

Gibbs

Spooks, Abby, spooks.

Abby

I can never get that straight.