Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

You still in touch with that old NASA boyfriend?

Abby

He wasn't a boyfriend, he was a boytoy, and yes, we IM almost every day.

Gibbs

You do?

Abby

Oh yeah.

Gibbs

That's good, right?

Abby

It's very good.

Greetings from NASA, NCIS.

Abby

Whoa, Ashton, that was so Star Trek.

Sorry, I'm late. I had a cluster of frozen reactor coolant heading for the flight path of an Atlas liftoff. I had to delay the launch. They were not happy about it. I am, however, very happy to see you, Abby, and to help your NCIS crime-fighting colleagues.

Gibbs

...and she plays golf left handed.

Kate

Whoa, wait, you could see that the clubs were left handed with just a passing glance?

Gibbs

My second wife played golf left handed.

Kate

So?

Tony

When someone tries to split your skull with a seven iron, it's not a club you soon forget.

Kate

[referring to Tony refusing to answer a woman's calls] Talk to her.

Tony

She'll get the message.

Gibbs

[small smile and nod]

Kate

You know I bet this is why number two came after you with a nine iron, isn't it? You just refused to sit down and talk things through.

Gibbs

Actually that wasn't it at all.

Kate

So what was it, then?

Gibbs

Seven iron.

Ducky

We have a rising tide.

Gibbs

Okay. DiNozzo?

Tony

Yo!

Gibbs

You and me take measurements. We'll rebuild them later in the lab. Kate, more photos!

Kate

Gotcha.

Gibbs

Gerald, take notes.

Gerald

I'm on it.

Gibbs

Come on, move it!

Ducky

We've got to keep him dry.

Gibbs

I've got the sign.

Tony

I've got the farthest boulder.

Gibbs

Head and feet!

Tony

Fifteen point seven one.

Gibbs

Eleven point three six meters.

Gerald

Fifteen point seven one. Eleven point three six. Got them.

Kate

His dive knife is missing.

Ducky

Yeah, you didn't see this coming, did you, my friend?

Gibbs

Hey, watch out! Tide!

Ducky

(Chuckles) Well done, Tony.

Gibbs

Bag him.

Ducky

I've got a spare suit in the van.

Kate

[To a soaking wet and obviously freezing cold DiNozzo] You OK? What is it?

Gibbs

(grinning) Shrinkage.

Gibbs

What do you have?

Tony

A six letter word for a reason to commit a crime...

Gibbs

DiNozzo...

Tony

That's seven letters.

Gibbs

Works for me. What do you got?

Kate

You weren't buying any of it were you?

Gibbs

Any of what?

Kate

You know....her charm.

Gibbs

Is it really that hard to believe, Kate, that I might be attractive to a woman?

No Mama. They can prove everything. About the Digitalis, about how you cut Tommy into little pieces! (screams as her mom slaps her around the face)

Poor girl’s out of her mind. You can’t use any of this in court.

Gibbs

She was read her Miranda Rights and she waived them. We can use it and we will.

You little fool. They couldn’t prove anything!

I don’t care anymore Mama! I love Tommy and you killed him!

Gibbs

Hey DiNozzo, kinda reminds me of your apartment, except for that minty fresh urine smell.

Tony

Hey for your information I have a maid now.

Gibbs

You can afford a maid?

Tony

It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies.

Tony

This kid wanted to be a paramedic - Sgt. Alvarez told him the Marine Corps would "train him to save lives."

Kate

What's wrong with that?

Gibbs

The Marine Corps doesn't have medical personnel.

Tony

They're all Navy.

Gibbs

Technically it is true, Marines do save lives. Mostly through the use of superior firepower.

Gibbs

Can we hurry it up? I don't think Gunnery Sergeant Alvarez would appreciate being seen like this.

Ducky

You knew the man?

Gibbs

[deadpan] No.

Ducky

[to corpse] If it's any consolation, Gunny, Gibbs is the absolute best we've got.

Gibbs

Why are all these dolls naked?

Tony

Don't look at me, Boss. Must be a goth thing.

Gibbs

Got something for ya! (dumps folders in front of Kate)

Kate

(sarcastically) Okay...what is it!

Gibbs

Eight years of Sgt. Alvarez's files. Sorted into category!

Kate

Which are?

Gibbs

Gonna leave that part up to you!

Kate

Oh, Come on Gibbs! At least tell me what i'm looking for!

Gibbs

The same thing we're all looking for Kate! (walks out) A murderer!

Kate

(dumps her pen on her desk) Why didn't I take the damn dolls!

Kate

(as she is watching Tony try and use chopsticks) Relax your hand or you're never gonna get it in your mouth!

Tony

(as another bundle of noodles slip out of the chopsticks) I'm trying but the thing's too damn slippery!

Kate

Never gonna impress a girl that way!

Tony

Oh Whatever! Just the next time we do this Kate make sure they (drops more noodles) don't forget the forks! (Kate smiles as she successfully puts noodles in her mouth) No-one like a show-off! (after he fails again at eating noodles) Okay. Screw this! You got any soup? (Kate passes it over carefully as it's hot) Ah...thanks!

Gibbs

(getting out the elevator) That had better not be mine, DiNozzo!

Tony

(freezes) Gibbs ordered soup? (glares silently at Kate who nods smugly) Great! (as Gibbs glares at him) If it's any consolation it's not very good!

Gibbs

(stares at the noodles) Whose chow mein?

Kate

(with noodles in her mouth) Tony's!

Gibbs

(takes the box) Good!

Kate

Next time drive a little faster, Tony. I think my glands still have an ounce of adrenaline left.

Tony

Response to a crime scene investigation demands a timely arrival, Kate.

Kate

It would help if the investigators didn't puke all over it.

Gibbs

Brings back memories.

Kate

Memories of what?

Gibbs

Marriage.

Gibbs

Anything Abby?

Abby

This is the left rear tire off Commander Julius's car. Notice anything unusual?

Gibbs

It's inflated.

Abby

Is that a guess, or do you actually know where I'm going with this?

Gibbs

What do you think?

Abby

Well, I don't know, that's why I asked you.

Gibbs

Why don't you just tell me?

Abby

So you don't know.

Gibbs

I want to make sure you know.

Abby

Hmmmm.

Gibbs

Hmmmm.

Abby

We should play poker sometime.

Gibbs

Yeah, we should.