Mean Applejack quotes from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Applejack

Nuts Twilight, you used magic.

Spike

The nerve. Can you believe her?

Applejack

That's not how we do it 'round here, Twilight, and especially not on MAH farm.

Twilight

Well, see, I just wanted to... oh.

Apple Bloom

So, what does my cutie mark look like? A shoppin' bag full of apples? A satisfied customer eating an apple? Hmm, maybe I gotta increase my sales figures first... [sees a plum-colored pony trying to dig into a basket of apples] You touch it, you buy it! [under her breath] We take cash or credit.

Applejack

I'm sorry, ma'am [the pony runs off] Ma'am?! Ohhh... Now, Apple Bloom, you can't just...!

Apple Bloom

[dumps apples into Sweetie Drops' bag] That'll be 4 bits!

[agitated] I didn't put those in my bag!

Apple Bloom

Likely story. 4 bits, lady!

Applejack

But... have you ever run a race?

Twilight

Well, no. But I do know a lot about running.

Rainbow Dash

And you know this from...

Twilight

Books. I read several on the subject.

Rainbow Dash

What did you read... the Egghead's Guide to Running? Did you stretch up your... eye muscles to warm up? [laughs] Get it? "Eye muscles"?!

[sobbing] LEAVE ME ALONE! I want to be alone! I want to wallow in... whatever it is that ponies are supposed to wallow in! Do ponies wallow in pity? Oh, listen to me! I don't even know what I'm supposed to wallow in! I'M SO PATHETIIIC!

Twilight

Now what do we do?

Fluttershy

Uh, panic?

Rainbow Dash

That's your answer for everything!

Applejack

Well we can't just leave Rarity like this!

She'll become a crazy cat lady!

Twilight

[deadpan] She only has one cat.

Give her time...

[about Rainbow Dash] Didn't you see how nervous she was?

Applejack

Nervous? Have you spit yer' bit or somethin'? She was tootin' her own horn louder than the brass section of a marching band!

Oh puh-lease! I put on enough fashion shows to recognize stage fright when I see it.

Applejack

Cutie Mark Crusaders, welcome to your new clubhouse! [awkward pause] Well, don't thank me all at once. This was my clubhouse when I was your age. Sure it hasn't been used in a while, but it's empty and on a secluded, private part of the farm. And it's all yours. It just needs a little, uh, TLC.

Scootaloo

TLC as in "Tender Loving Care" or "Totally Lost Cause".

Applejack

But, Braeburn, we–

And here's the most wonderful sight in all of Aaa-pleloosa! Our apple orchard!

Applejack

Braeburn!

First harvest should be any day now.

Applejack

Braebu–

Good thing too!

Applejack

Brae–

'cause we need that grub to live on.

Applejack

[yelling] BRAEBURN!!!

Uh, yes, cuz?

You'd think she'd be excited...?

Excited?! EXCITED?! Why would I be excited to attend my own farewell party?!

Twilight

[confused] "Farewell party"?

Yes! You don't like me anymore so you decided to kick me out of the group, and throw a great, big party to celebrate! A "Farewell of Pinkie Pie" party!

Applejack

Why in the world would you think we didn't like you anymore, sugar cube?

Why? Why?! WHY?! Because you've been LYING to me and avoiding me all day! THAT'S WHY!

Uh, yeah. Because we wanted your party to be a surprise.

We've been planning this party for such a long time, we had to make excuses for why we couldn't attend Gummy's party so that we could have everything ready for yours.

Twilight

If this is a farewell party, why does the cake I picked up from Sugarcube Corner say: "Happy birthday, Pinkie Pie"?!

[hair poofs back to inflated mode] Because it's my birthday!! Oh, how could I have forgotten my own birthday?!? And you like me so much, you decided to throw me a surprise party!

That's what we've been trying to tell you, darling.

You girls are the best friends ever! How could I have ever doubted you?

Twilight

It's okay, Pinkie Pie. It could have happened to any of us.

I'm just glad I haven't been replaced by a bucket of turnips.

Twilight

Huh?

Spike

Come on, you guys! Let me in!

Rainbow Dash

[heading for the door] Sure thing, Spike.

[gets in her way] Heavens no! We're getting dressed!

Applejack

"Dressed"? Uh, beg pardon Rarity, but, uh, we don't normally wear clothes.

Discord

[laughs as he holds a glass under a cloud raining chocolate milk, which fills in reverse] Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!

Not as wonderful as friendship!

Discord

Ugh, this again? [drinks the glass from the chocolate milk, and throws the milk away, where it explodes]

Applejack

That's right. You couldn't break apart our friendship for long.

Discord

Oh, Applejack, don't lie to me. I'm the one who made you a liar. Will you ever learn?

Twilight Sparkle

I'll tell you what we've learned, Discord: We've learned that friendship isn't always easy, but there's no doubt it's worth fighting for!

Twilight

Now, why don't you tell me all about your issues with Applejack...

Rainbow Dash

I don't have any issues with Applejack.

Twilight

You don't?! Then, why are you destroying her property?

Rainbow Dash

Because she asked me to. Right, Applejack?

Applejack

[in a ditch; puts on a helmet] Yes, ma'am! I wanted to put up a new barn, but this one's gotta come down first! [laughs] Now get back to it, R.D.!

Rainbow Dash

You got it, boss! [rockets up into the air]

Applejack

[to Twilight] I'd take cover if I were you.

Apple Bloom

What's uncouth?

Applejack

It means uncivil, ya know, bad-mannered. [Applebloom burps loudly] Exactly!

Applejack

Bein' sisters is a give-and-take relationship. You've been doin' a whole lot of takin', but not a lot of givin'.

Of course I give! I give lessons, and reasonable demands-

Applejack

But you never give in. Bein' sisters is like... apple pie! You can have amazin' apples, and you can have a wonderfully crispy crust, but only together can you have a perfect apple pie.

[to herself] But apart, all we are is just a pile of mush and some crumbly, dry mess. [gasps] I know what I need to do! I just hope it isn't too late!

Apple Bloom

Sacrebleu! Plus de marque de cutie! [gasps] Qu'est-ce que c'est?! Je parle français?!

Applejack

My sister's speakin' in fancy!

Applejack

[hoping that someone will confess what happened to Zecora's "heart's desire" flower] Now somepony tell the truth! (Beat) Somepony! Anypony!

[flustered] Yesterday I told Mrs. Cake that I ate two corncakes, but I really ate three! [pauses] Okay six! I ate six corncakes! [nothing happens] Make it stop! Oh, Make it stop!