[Driving with Simon] So what's going on with Curtis and Alisha? Oh, come on. I'm not blind. Are they seeing each other?
Well, Alisha's a very beautiful girl, isn't she? So what else do you lot get up to when I'm not around?
Really? It's okay. I'm not sure I wanna know, anyway. [Pulls up to Simon's house] So are you up to anything exciting this evening?
I'll probably just go online. How about you?
I'll watch some television, get an early night. God, I sound boring.
I don't think you're boring.
[Cleaning windows with Kelly and Simon] What if I can talk to animals?
Why would you even think that?
I saw this basset hound eating a kebab off the pavement. I was like, "You dirty bastard," and this basset hound gave me a right funny look.
He probably thought you were a twat.
No, it wasn't that kind of look. It was more like, "Are you talking to me? "Are you talking to me?" [Sees women walking by with babies] See? Babies. That's why I always use a condom. And if the girl looks dirty, I use two. [Elbow nudges Kelly] Belt and braces!
[Walks up] Hey. What did you want to talk to me about?
I can't see you any more.
You're finishing with me? Why?
So... What, it was all a lie? Everything?
How could you do that to me? What are you doing? Do I mean nothing to you?
Wait, no, don't cry. [Puts arms on Sam's shoulders and realizes he can turn back time]
PRPast Rewinded Sam
Hey. What did you want to talk to me about?
I can't see you any more.
PRPast Rewinded Sam
You're finishing with me? Why?
'Cause you're fat. You're large. Kind of round.
PRPast Rewinded Sam
What?
I've got three months left to live. I don't want to waste it with you. 'Cause I'm impotent and I know how much you love cock.
PRPast Rewinded Sam
Why are you being like this?
'Cause you got... weird tits. And nasty snatch gunk. I'm sorry.
PRPast Rewinded Sam
You're finishing with me?
And you're gonna ask me why and I can't tell you. There are things going on with me, things I can't tell you about. No matter what I do, the ones I love will be the ones who pay.
What you just said. It's from Spider-Man. You're dumping me with a line from Spider-Man?
You immature pathetic shallow bastard!
It's not from Spider-Man!
Have you got no respect for me?! I thought you were better than that!
Sam! [Grabs her and she slaps him] Oh!
Done. [Straightens jacket and walks away]
[Brings drinks at a wine cellar bar] They asked me if I wanted small or large. I said large.
You trying to get me drunk?
I'm joking. Maybe I should get you drunk.
Because I reckon you're quite cute when you're drunk. [Man walks by with head turned to them] Who's that?
I went to school with him.
He lives next door to me. He stopped speaking to me when we started secondary school.
Did he give you an hard time?
Every morning when I woke up I felt sick just thinking about him. I told my parents and the teachers. They knew it was happening. No one did anything.
Was it his house you tried to burn down?
A few months ago, he sent me a text inviting me to this club. I thought he wanted to apologize. I get to the club, I walk up to him and his mates. He texted me by mistake. It was so humiliating.
I was so angry, I... I got drunk. I started thinking about everything he did to me at school. I lost it. I went round to his house. I made sure his family were out. I soaked some tissues in lighter fluid. I lit them and dropped them through the letterbox. There was a cat.
Inside the house. I thought, "The cat didn't bully me at school. "He hasn't done anything." The carpet was just starting to catch alight. The cat was freaking out.
I pissed through the letterbox. [Her smirks grows] This is when his mum comes home. She starts screaming. You know what it's like once you've started. It's hard to stop. [She is giggling] It's not funny. Sorry. [She is laughing] I'm sorry. [Simons smiles with her]
EEllie
[Giving a pre-reformed addict's lifestyle confessional lecture to a support group on a park lawn] I went with so many boys. And girls, boys and girls at the same time. I took part in... disgusting, perverted, unnatural acts. I was drinking and taking drugs. I used bad language all the time. I called my mum... a “fat bitch”. But I'm not like that any more. I'm a good person.
[With community servers on a nearby bench] That... that ain't normal.
She went to my school. This one time, she's doing this boy I know in her dad's car, yeah? She gets off him and sits on the gear stick. She's on there for, like, 20 minutes, literally... [mimics repeated copulation grunts]
Try that in your driving test. That's getting you a fail. Or a pass... and probably some kind of internal injury.
It's the same with some girls on my estate. No one's even getting pregnant any more. [To Simon] What about your friends?
I believe that's generally referred to as a "pedophile ring".
Yeah? You'd screw your own sister for a slice of cheese.
I don't even like cheese.
That makes it even worse, you sick bastard.
Maybe she's done sitting on her dad's gear stick. It's a thought.
It's not just her, is it?
Oh, yeah, look there's more.
[Man and woman walk down steps] Oi, you! [Gestures come here]
Why are you all dressed like retards?
MMan
There's a meeting in the community centre tonight. You should come along and find out. All of you. [Walks away]
MMan
See you there, buddy.
He used to be a right headcase.
[To support group] Bring your friends.
They need our help. Things have to change.
