CDr. Chesterfield
My drug is still alive in the systems of the now sober, members of Snakes N' Barrells. I however, have a grave warning: There is a long-term side effect, a terrible and desructive side-effect. With enough stimulus, the drug living in their fat cells will ignite.
Spontaneous human combustion!
CDr. Chesterfield
Not quite. Blue phosphorous snakes will shoot forth from the orifices of the users, and they will go mad with rage.
CDr. Chesterfield
I'm afraid so...
What do you want like a shot or whatever?
Yeah, whatsevers gets us drunks the fastest.
[to the guys behind the counter] You, hey you! Right there, vodka, two doubles.
...'cause we got lots of cash.
C1Clerk 1
Fellas, it doesn't actually work that wan, man.
C2Clerk 2
Not that way man.
C1Clerk 1
But I'll tell you what. [whispering] You guys like shots?
C2Clerk 2
How 'bout this guys? How about a totally cool shot of ice-cold mountain water?
C2Clerk 2
Chilled with, cucumber slices?
C1Clerk 1
Or maybe you're feeling zazzy? How 'bout some of this, sparkling cherry-applesauce drink?
C2Clerk 2
How 'bout you,Tonto? You look like you have a taste for things south of the border. You like margaritas?
C1Clerk 1
I think that's a yes!
C2Clerk 2
If you love margaritas, why not try some...lemonade?
This is bullshit! Don't fuck with us! You got alcohol?
C1Clerk 1
We have something better!
C2Clerk 2
An apple, God's alcohol.
[leans over the counter and starts beckoning them] Hey could you come here really quickly? Both of you come here, I just wanna tell you something...
C2Clerk 2
[both clerks lean over the counter] I'm right here.
C1Clerk 1
What's going on?
I just wanna tell you something...
Yeah, a little bit, little bit closer.
[pulls them to his face] Don't ever fuck with me and alcohol, got it?
So wait, just so i understand, you're all passing on Takin' it Easy?
I can't even begin to believe that. You know what! Fuck YOU! I'm keeping that song for Planet Piss.
So I'ms in Planet Piss now?
NO! Fuck you, you're not in Planet Piss! You fucking greedy asshole! No.
I'll fucking sues you Murderface! Thats mine!
What?! What are you fucking doing!? (inaudiable) Are you going to throw a basket of hot towels on me?!?
Yes I'm going to throws the basket of hot towels at you!
I don't think you should!
Because, those towels are really hot!! Don't fucking throw hot towels you lunatic!!
Sorry guys, wrap for the day. Cuttin' ya loose, we'll be back.
Where you going? You getting food? Get Indian!
Get some fucking French toast this time, you cocksmokers!
I'm sick of French toast!
We're not getting food, guys.
We are goings to records my guitar part, and it may be the most dangerous things I ams ever dones.
Because I ams a tones-chaser.
That'd be funny if he said he was a squirrel-chaser. That'd be funnier, you know. Pickles, squirrel-chaser!
[clearly annoyed] Yeah, I know.
Okay so this ams the buttons that makes it records, and this ams the button that makes it stops records, and this ams the button that will makes it erase all of Skwisgaar's guitar tracks. [pushes the delete button] OH NO, WHATS HAS I DONE?!
I can'ts plays it! It's too damns hard! Skwisgaars always makes it so hard! Damns you stupid, slow, stubby fingers, don'ts looks at me! Awww shucks...whats am I goings to do!?
Hey Knubblers, still jazzed about hows greats dat recordings went. Mind playing me a couple of deh tracks?
[with great worry] uh why's do dat? Hey, let's alls gets lunch - my treats! Let's get out of this stuffy place. Let's get outta--let's just get outs of this room! Come on! GOS! GO!
Here you go, Skwisgaar. [pushes play, the track starts playing Toki's version of the solo]
WHAT THE FUCKS IS DAT SOUND?! SOMESTHING IS WRONGS HERE! ISOLATES MY GUITARS TRACKS! [the solo is playing very bad; Skwisgaar glares at Toki]
AHH! I'M SORRY'S, IT'S MY FAULT! I FUCKS IT ALL UP! Don'ts kicks me outs of deh band, I'lls do anything! I'LL SUCKS YOUR DICK!
Toki! Pulls yourselfs together!
Shit Skwisgaar, I really should have backed those sessions up.
YEAH YOU SHOULDA BACKS THOSE SESSIONS UP!
You'd do well as keep quiet, all right?! Shit SKwisgaar...you know what this means right?
Hey, hey! Listen, I actually would like to get serious for a moment, okay? If I could?
I uhh...I think it would be in the band's best interests to hire a uh...Buddhist Yoga...instructor guy dude.
Ohhh yeah. Yes I second that.
Uhh, oh really? What because uh...you guys are interested in yoga? Spiritual guidance or-
YES! YES! We want spiritual things.
Is that really the reason?
I thought we... OHHHHHHH....Right!"
I'm sorry, I don't understand. Why do you need this?
We'd like to be able to reach things a little bit better.
[climbing down a ladder with a drunken Toki over his shoulder] I'm only saying it because you're so drunk that you aren't gonna remember it and you won't tell on me for givin' a shit about your life, but man you've been fuckin' way too drunk lately.
Hey Nathans, is the real reasons ya tells me this is because ya cares about me?
No, Toki, don't do this to me right now and don't throw up.
[Toki throws up]
EJEdgar Jonfru
[approaches Skwisgaar and Pickles with a shotgun] This is where it all ends. [loads shotgun]
Skwisgaar....before we die...
Whats are you talkings about?
[crying] Last night. I did it. I sucked my own cock last night!
[slight pause, Skwisgaar gives no response to Pickles, who pulls himself together and looks at Edgar]
