DDamian
Look at this long haired monkey! [referring to Nathan Explosion] What kind of music do you play?
Death Metal! [punches Damian]
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[after punching Damian during a meeting] Sorry....uh...again.
Mm-hmm. What do I tell you guys before every meeting?
Try not to punch people.
Try not to punch people. That's correct.
Shut up with the fucking construction, man! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT HUNG OVER PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP?! [gets up] How can people grow up listening to all that racket? [turns on some Black Metal; he looks somewhat annoyed] There that's better.
FFan
My friends are never gonna believe me! [that he met Nathan Explosion and snuck into Mordhaus] See you guys later! [opens the door with three other girls and they all fall to their death]
We are not hiring a replacement manager, it's too fucking soon kemosabe. We're taking on all management uhh... things.
I ams in charge of finance-skial treasuries.
And I'm head of financial business affairs.
I'm chief of financial receipts... gathering.
I'm deputy president of financial money.
[dejectedly] And I'ms in charge of snacks... Fucking bullshit!
Welcome to Dethklok's Dorito Land! [two people get electrocuted trying to enter] And I'd like to remind you all that Dorito Land is not open to the public....it's just for us. Sorry.
[holding a black and white photo of Charles Ofdensen] I misses him Pickle...
We all do, Toki, even though we don't say it.
Why don'ts we says it, Pickle?
Toki...[sighs] Because admitting sadness... [holds a little locket photo of Ofdensen]....makes you gay.
All right, check this out, it's scream-activated lighting. [screams, and concert lights turn on to a double-bass pedal beat]
TText
MONEY SPENT ON DETHKLOK INTERIOR DESIGN. SCREAM ACTIVATED LIGHTING- $12 MILLION
See? You come home, it's dark. Where are my keys? [screams, and lights up the keys on a desk] Over there. [to scientists] Put them in every single room in the house!
TText
SCREAM ACTIVATED LIGHTING: IN EVERY ROOM IN THE HOUSE- $89.9 BILLION
SScientist
I'm afraid that's going to cost an aweful lot of money, I'm just telling you.
FUCK money!
BBand
Yeah, FUCK money.
This is my platinum practice chambers.
TText
PLATINUM PRACTICE CHAMBER- $6.5 BILLION
I haves a solid rubys metronomes.
TText
SOLID RUBY METRONOME- $8.3 BILLION
And a champagne humidifier.
TText
CHAMPAGNE HUMIDIFIER- $2 MILLION
So fucking expensive that it makes me horny.
This is my Endangered Species Furniture Room!
TText
ENDANGERED SPECIES FURNITURE ROOM- $28 MILLION
TText
CALIFORNIA CONDOR BOTTLE OPENER- $5 MILLION - GOLD PLATED MEERKAT SHELF HOLDER- $30 MILLION - GIANT PANDA THROW RUGS- $2 BILLION - GIANT TORTOISE OTTOMAN- $1.5 MILLION - SILVER GAZELLE WALL SCONCE- $4 MILLION - HELTER STORK TIFFANY LAMP- $6 MILLION
Seriously guys, fuck money!
TText
TOTAL EXPENDITURES $106,788,500,000
Uh, Williams, did yous pay the electrics bill?
Oh, what am I gonna pay it with, my farts?
Guys I've been crunching numbers and financially... I don't know how to say this but we're fucked. Thanks to Murderface's sandscape, we're in the red. Good one Murderface.
[stares and says nothing]
The uh- the construction has stopped.
That's because they don't gets paid, stupid!
All right, guys, this is costing us several million dollars to destroy this report. Now, I want you to know that, William. A lot of stuff that you don't know about goes into silencing the media. First off we need to make agreements with all participants to evict information from the record. This of course includes rounding up all participants. And of course if there are any problems, we'll have to deal with them.
AFAngry fan
You can take this waiver and shove it up your ass!
K1Klokateer 1
Let it be noted that the participant is belligerent.
K2Klokateer 2
Noted. Participant slated for mental reprogramming, (Angry fan screams as he is strapped to surgery table) facial reconstructive surgery, (A scalpel is brought to his face) and relocation. (The fan is tossed out a garbage truck into the middle of a desert road with a new face)
CCharles (VO)
Well, you guys don't need to know everything that goes into it. Just know that it's a long, complicated and expensive process.
AFAngry fan
THIS ISN'T MY FACE!!!!
This happens every time you, William, have a media disaster. Which is often.
You're in a tribute band paying tribute to yourself? That's like jacking off to a picture of yourself online!
Which I've done.
Of course I'm nots paying tributes to myself. In Thunderhorse, I'm Skwisgaar.
Dat's why my pants and shirts keeps disappearing! Dat's fucking weird dudes.
Well we're really good, we plays every Thursday nights.
[pause]
Wait a minute...
Thursday night? That's impossible, you have astronaut class on Thursday night.
Astronaut class is a lie?! I've been telling everyone that you're gonna be an astronaut! Now you're making me look like an asshole!
Wow, what a shit-hole. Look at that stage, it's fucking tiny!
Oh wait, no dude, it's just an optical illusion. It just looks small because it's really far away. Check it out, I'll walk all the way over to it. [walks right into the stage] Holy shit! That's tiny!!
JPJimmy Palomino
It's my pleasure to welcome to the stage Norman Blowup, Pockles the Drummer, Toolkie Wolfpaint, Billy Butterface, and Skwisgaar Skwigelf!
Didn'ts even change my names?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Metalocalypse pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.