Agent J quotes from Men in Black: The Series

J

Even if I am marked, who knows when the Skraal-guys will strike? Could be today, could be forty years from now.

Probably today.

J

Heads up everyone!

J

J is in the house!

Why'd you have to go and do that?

J

What's it matter? They coming to off me either way.

Yeah but now they'll probably put you in... the soup.

J

Can I at least drive?

Not today.

J

But I may not see tomorrow!

Maybe later.

This experience has made me realize how delicate life is. We are all so vulnerable. One moment we're eating seafood, the next, we're eating dirt. I owe you my life, K.

J

Can we pu–leez change the subject?!

What's with him?

Blew up a Skraaldian.

Blew up a Skraaldian?! Why didn't he jump off the Empire State Building?

Ow! Watch the face.

J

Whew. Thought Zed was gonna come onto us like a ton of bricks.

Yeah. We got lucky today, Sparky.

J

"Sparky"? What happened to "Slick"?

You have to work your way back up to "Slick".

We're looking at a major crash landing, but no bogey in sight.

J

Maybe the UFO sprouted mechanical legs and walked away. Like in War of the Worlds. You've seen that? Martians invade Earth. Your favorite movie, right?

K...

What happened here, Jeebs?

Nothin'. Just, business as usual.

J

Then, whataya doin' on the floor?

Just... looking for something.

[holding Jeebs's hand] This? [holding Jeebs's leg] Or maybe this?

J

Size 9 Triple-E? Not mine.

J

What did you swallow, anyway?

Nothing. Must be a hairball. Get me some water, will you?

J

There's a white porcelain bowl in the other room. All you can drink.

You drink of the toilet, mac. I'll take pictures.

J

Then I guess you're not thirsty.

Just because I look like a dog doesn't mean I am one. In fact, it takes seven dog years to equal just one of mine.

What's wrong with ya?! You scared the living daylights outta me!

J

(referring to the Void Density core) That's not all I scared out of you.

J

Is this thing safe?

It's intended for the originator of the memories. It'll either work, or your head will explode.

You asked.

J

You're ignoring Zed's orders? Who's the hot dog here? [Sees that the LTD is gone] Our wheels. We've been carjacked!

Sorry, kid. I can't take you on this one.

J

What? Why?

I've already left. Besides, the underwear wrench can't tighten the laughing lumbago... [melts]

Thought you might be MIB. Place is crawling with them.

J

(about himself) Forgot what hotel we were in.

Virtual Selective Memory Projector? Sorry, guys. Wouldn't know anything about that.

J

Why is it that whenever yous say, "Wouldn't know anything about that", I get the feeling that you know everything about that?

You... have no trust in your fellow man?

Jeebs...

[gasps]

[points a giant laser canon at Jeebs] Our fellow man doesn't splatter green goo. Show us the goods now.

[pushes a button on his desk and a secret drawer opens]

J

Bingo!

How did that get there?

(points at a blackboard) See this word? It's Tarkan for "hello". Repeat after me. "Kanfamutekatafuutermet".

J

"Kamfamutekatafuuutermet"

That's Tarkan for "hello, sailor".

In one mouth, out the other. But, betwixt, the twian shall meet.

J

Got it, Shakesphere.