CCody
Sweetie, you like pussy, and this is a gay bar!
But aren't we all part of one queer community built on acceptance and harmony?
CCody
Ew, shut up. You have your space. We have ours. Now go back to the Beaver Dam and sip on some natural wine.
[whispering softly] Actually, that does sound nice.
No! No, this is so fucked up! You can't just kick us out of here!
CCody
[scoffs] Typical cranky lesbian.
The fuck you just say to me?! [attempts to pulverize him while Fawn tries to hold her back] I'm usually so fucking cheerful! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MADE ME CRANKY!
Oh, this isn't over! You hear me?!
And good luck when you need help building a deck, you piece of shit!
GGeoffrey
All right, who's ready for some trivia?
[facepalms in annoyance] Ugh. No!
[annoyed] Fuck me! You're the trivia host?
Why don't you just be friends with them and stop bothering us?
GGeoffrey
[turning his head to face them; whispering] They're not really my speed. They're so needy. [twirls his head, creeping them out]
Don't do that head thing.
Call me "old-fashioned," or "trad," or "skinny," but when I'm with a guy, I want him all to myself.
Okay, sure. But honestly, no one's lining up for to do monogamy with me.
No, no, it's okay. Maybe I'm not meant to be somebody's everything. But I'm sure I could be somebody's something.
Mmm, cuddle puddle. This is what it's all about. Warmth and closeness without penetration.
Hey, Gus, I hope this isn't too forward, but I'd like to make you tiny little clothes.
Ooh, and I would wear them!
Ugh. Cuddling without sеx?
Just try to enjoy it. Here, stroke this tail.
That's my tail! Ugh! This is not what I came here for!
Just relax into the cuddle.
[taking a whiff of something; sniffing] Wait. Wait a minute. I'm smelling something. [follows the scent] Sweat. Anal secretions. Ooh, lubricant? [pokes his head through a bush and finds some animals having a sex party] Ho, ho, ho, it's an orgy! Here I come, my fellow heathens!
NNina
[grabs him by the tail] Ah-ah-ah! 29 more days.
Oh! Uh, Nina, hey! Surely we can fast-track the process for someone who… you know, doesn't want to wait.
Hey, whoa, whoa. What am I even signing?
Because you broke the rules.
NNina
And if it happens again, we'll be forced to ask you to leave.
Shut up, Gus. Your beret looks stupid.
[Gus gasps in heartbreak shock]
Ray! [grabs him and drags him outside] What the hell is wrong with you?! I made him that beret! That's one of the best berets I've ever made!
This place is bullshit! A polycule is supposed to be about freeing ourselves from the rules of monogamy.
But now, there's just new other rules.
The rules protect us! Without them, it's anarchy!
That's exactly what I want! Sexual chaos with like-minded freaks. I'm tired of the tyranny.
Josh, I created a sexual paradise for myself to enjoy. How is that selfish?
Did you ever stop to think that this place made me feel valued and loved for the first time in, like, forever?
Yeah! Because you didn't care about my feelings! You didn't care about anybody's feelings!
Hey. Who am I? [imitating Arnold] "It's not fun if you don't try it, Josh!"
[also imitating Arnold] "I'm gonna hit this pinecone right in your pussy!"
"Awesome-sauce!" [bleats]
It's so fun. I wish I could find this, you know, but with a girl.
Yes, me too, but with a girl who likes boys because I'm… I'm a boy.
Wait, I just had an amazing idea. And it's not just 'cause I'm high. I mean, it might be, but it's good.
What if… what we have right here is exactly…
…what we've been looking for…
Yes! We don't need some idealized concept of romance. We can be gaga for each other.
Yes, like a platonic couple!
Friends with emotional benefits!
Penelope, you are a genius.
No, we are a genius, baby.
[entering the house; dejected] Hey, guys.
Fawn, Fawn, Fawn! We figured it out! We don't need to date other animals, because we are a platonic couple. [he and Penelope hug together]
Isn't that just friendship?
Hey, don't diminish our bond when you're the one dating the "bro-goat" from hell.
Ugh, I know. I have to dump Arnold, right?
He kinda makes me think less of you.
[Ray and Addy appear]
JPJosh & Penelope
Hi, Addy.
To me, she is my girlfriend. Together, we more than like each other. Now you may clap.
AAddy
[chuckles] Thank you, Ray. That was quite an introduction.
You know, Addy would really like it if you and I were friends.
And, as a token of my esteem, I brought you this baseball signed by Pete Rose that says, "I'm sorry for betting on baseball."
GGregg
Well, I'm glad things are going so well. You're a very lucky raccoon.
Lucky? What, uh… What's that supposed to mean?
GGregg
Nothing! It's just… I mean, Addy's amazing.
And what, Gregg, I'm not? Is that what you're saying? That she's too good for me?
Oh, I knew it! You think because you both got your long necks and your good voices, and your pecker goes corkscrew like this, and her wawa goes corkscrew like that?! You'd be a perfect match?!
GGregg
Hey, buddy, are you having sexual problems?
[losing control of his temper] YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMN BEAK! [starts strangling him by the neck]
Wait, that's Dylan? The "best lover you ever had because the connection wasn't just physical, it was spiritual" Dylan?
Dude, what the hell are you doing here?
Oh, I'm actually, uh, here for my bachelor party.
WWolves
Bachelor party! [howling]
Whoa. [laughs nervously] You're getting married?
Yeah, she's an antelope. Her name is Cynthia.
An antelope, so, like, a more athletic deer.
Is she hot? Oh, I bet she's hot!
Um, you guys should come to the wedding.
Yeah! A bunch of her cousins ran into an electric fence, so we have an empty table.
Just listen. I am sorry you had to find out this way. But there is no good way to tell your ex you're getting married.
I don't care that you're getting married.
[sighs] It's that you're getting married and you told me you couldn't be tamed! But now, somehow, you got magically tamed for her.
Well, I mean, I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened.
[sarcastically] Okay. No, I got it now. So it's just that you didn't love me enough to change for me.
Hey, I was devastated when we broke up! It has been a long journey for me.
[angrily] Are you shitting my dick, buddy?
AAJ
Listen, buddy! If you know what's good for you, you'll stay the fuck away from her!
First of all, I'm not your buddy. Second of all, the name is Spike.
[menacingly] Thank you. Now get your paws off my girl!
AAJ
You fucking idiot! You think she gives a shit about you?!
SSimone
Shut up, AJ. Spike is more of a mammal than you'll ever be!
[mocking Penelope] "Oh, I'm Penelope. I want Ray to feel his feelings. Boo-hoo."
Bad impression. Stop that.
No! I'm not gonna stop, because I'm mad and you should be too!
Me?! You should be mad at Summer! That stupid mutt left you to drown like a pile of trash!
What?! No, that is not what happened!
…actually gave a shit about you, she'd be here right now!
But she's not. Because she's probably up in Canada, sixty-nining a fucking wolverine--
[fully enraged] SHUT UP! [violently punches him in the face, knocking him out unconscious]
Guys… I don't think I can do it. I actually like Cynthia.
Before she was just some abstract obstacle, but now I know the victim.
CCynthia
[clinking her glass to get everyone's attention] Hey, everyone! Uh, Dylan and I wanted to thank you all so much for coming to our rehearsal dinner. Please enjoy the open bar, because my dad's paying.
CSCynthia's Dad
[laughs] Okay, but just two drinks each.
CCynthia
Hey, I'm his only child! Go crazy!
Oh, gosh. She is delightful.
Exactly! I can't steal her fiancé. I don't care how luscious his bone is.
[looking at a stack of cupcakes on the table] Speaking of luscious, nobody'll notice if I just take a little… [eats a piece of frosting]
JJojo
Mmm, naughty, naughty.
[yelps in surprise] Yeah, you caught me. I'm disgusting!
JJojo
No. No, you are not. You are a scamp.
JJojo
Hell, yeah! You follow your own rules. And I gotta say you look damn fine doing it. [gives her the drawing] See what I mean?
Wow! This is what I look like to you?
JJojo
Well, I did have to tone it down a little. I mean, there are children around.
DDavid
[gazing at the drawing] Whoa! I think my nuts just dropped.
DSDavid's Mom
David! Don't look at that filth! [sensually] That's for mommy's eyes only.
[meeting up with Ray on the beach] Why are you up so early?
I couldn't sleep. I'm too horny. I gotta get laid soon or I'm gonna choke on my backed up jizz. What are you doing up?
I had sex with Jojo all night on the beach.
Ah, you got sand in the pipes, huh?
Okay, what you want to do, and this is gonna sound counterintuitive--
But you need to put more sand in.
So then what's the problem?
I haven't felt like this since I was with Summer.
So you like her! That's a good thing!
I can't even look at her without thinking about how sad I'll be when I go home.
Oh, come on! Whatever happened to having a fling? You know, taking a page out of my slutty little book.
Ray, I gotta be honest. I only skimmed your book.
What? But your notes, they were so insightful and specific!
I did a page one rewrite.
