Gus quotes from Mating Season

Mmm, cuddle puddle. This is what it's all about. Warmth and closeness without penetration.

Josh

Hey, Gus, I hope this isn't too forward, but I'd like to make you tiny little clothes.

Ooh, and I would wear them!

Ray

Ugh. Cuddling without sеx?

Josh

Just try to enjoy it. Here, stroke this tail.

Ray

That's my tail! Ugh! This is not what I came here for!

Josh

Just relax into the cuddle.

Ray

[taking a whiff of something; sniffing] Wait. Wait a minute. I'm smelling something. [follows the scent] Sweat. Anal secretions. Ooh, lubricant? [pokes his head through a bush and finds some animals having a sex party] Ho, ho, ho, it's an orgy! Here I come, my fellow heathens!

[grabs him by the tail] Ah-ah-ah! 29 more days.

Ray

Oh! Uh, Nina, hey! Surely we can fast-track the process for someone who… you know, doesn't want to wait.

Uh, sorry, Ray.

Ray, I admire how you always speak your mind.

Ray

[flipping him off; annoyed] Eat shit, Gus.

Oh! Just like that.

Ray

Hey, whoa, whoa. What am I even signing?

It's an incident report.

Josh

Because you broke the rules.

Ray

Oh, grow up.

And if it happens again, we'll be forced to ask you to leave.

We'd hate to do that.

Ray

Shut up, Gus. Your beret looks stupid.

Josh

Ray! [grabs him and drags him outside] What the hell is wrong with you?! I made him that beret! That's one of the best berets I've ever made!

Ray

This place is bullshit! A polycule is supposed to be about freeing ourselves from the rules of monogamy.

Josh

No--

Ray

But now, there's just new other rules.

Josh

The rules protect us! Without them, it's anarchy!

Ray

That's exactly what I want! Sexual chaos with like-minded freaks. I'm tired of the tyranny.

Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to witness the union of Cynthia Mulroney and Dylan McDermott.

Josh

Whoa.

Penelope

Some names.

The bride and groom have elected to write their own vows. [gives Dylan the microphone] Dylan, knock my socks off.

Dylan

[clears throat] Cynthia, when I close my eyes… I think of you.

Fawn

Huh?

Dylan

When I wake up in the morning, I think of you.

Fawn

You've gotta be kidding me.

Dylan

The way you laugh, the way you talk, the way you look at me before we kiss.

Fawn

[incredulously] This asshole's got one fucking move.

Oh, wow. My shoes are gonna stink, because my socks are all the way off. Cynthia.

[as Dylan passes the microphone to her; laughs softly] Dylan, meeting you has changed my life. I know that I may seem confident and self-assured, but inside, I… never really felt like I deserved love.

Fawn

Ouch.

It wasn't until I met you that I truly learned to like myself.

Fawn

Oh, Cynthia…

Because if you love me, then I guess I must be good.

Now, if anyone here knows of any reason why these two cuties shouldn't be married, please speak now or forever hold your peace… [echoes]

Fawn

[as Josh and Penelope's words float around in her head; then gives in] God damn it. [standing up] I do! I know a reason!

Ooh! Speak now.

Fawn?

Dylan

[softly] What are you doing?

Fawn

[sighs softly] Cynthia… I know how it feels to think you don't deserve love.

We can't hear you in the back, honey! Speak up!

Fawn

[loudly] I know what it's like to think you don't deserve love!

Whoa, we're not deaf!

Fawn

Ugh. [in normal tone] That you're only special if a guy makes you feel special. But you're amazing.

[awkwardly] Okay…

Fawn

And you don't have to hinge your self-worth on anyone else, much less Dylan, because… Dylan and I--

Dylan and I slept together last week!

What?! He fucked me three days ago!

Are you kidding me?

Um, excuse me. He also slept with me yesterday.

Meghan!

Ray

God, I picked the wrong beaver.

Full disclosure, I did suck him off before the precession, but only to help him relax.

Dylan

Well, it did help.

Fawn

This is a nightmare.

[pissed off] Dylan, what the fuck?! [throws her bouquet of flowers at him in the chest]

Dylan

Babe, I'm so sorry! I thought I could be tame, but I'm a wild animal! [rips off his uniform]

Ray

Thank you! Someone finally said it! We're all wild animals! Why are any of us getting married? Why are we staying at a hotel?! Why are we wearing clothes?!

Penelope

[as she and Josh try to calm him down] Not the time!

Josh

Uh-uh.

Hey, Uncle Doug, you still got that medieval sword?

[wields out his medieval sword from his scabbard] FOR NARNIA!