I couldn’t eat another thing.
Oh, one more, Jo, and this time, could you just chew a bit more quizzically?
Careful! This is a highly sophisticated piece of equipment. I call it my steady Eddie for recording on telly.
BradleyAnd I call it a plank of wood, the camera set a tape to it.
So, Tina’s having lunch with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
With a guy she met down Muscle Beach. She said she was lovely and she’s gonna get the photos to prove it.
Bradley
See, I think that’s all unnatural all the exercise.
Bradley, you think pushing a carpet sweep is unnatural.
Bradley
Yeah, but it’s not gonna make you look any more attractive to look like you got dozens of ferrets crawling around and your skin. Does it, Han?
No! No, no. Of course not. We don’t fancy Muslim men, do we, Jo?
Strike a pose! How do you do?
And now we hear the mating cry of the single desperate female on heat.
Did you get the photos developed?
No. He’s lovely. I think he’s the best looking bloke I’ve ever been on the date with.
Bradley
It’s not exactly stiff competition, Tina. Your last one looked like the model for gargoyles.
Shut it. He’s blonde. He’s got blue eyes and the best teeth since Tom Cruise had his teeth fixed, and he kissed me.
Just a back on my lip but it was a passionate back, and he wants to see me again tonight.
Jo, can I have a sip of your water?
Bradley
Ooh…! (Tina notices Bradley making the sound of it) Sorry, I wasn’t concentrating.
PDPizza Delivery Lady
Extra-large, extra thick crust with everything on it.
PDPizza Delivery Lady
Uh-huh.
PDPizza Delivery Lady
Enjoy your meal.
Cheers. Oh, and, (giving her a dollars) There you go. Ah.
So, I just told him that I wasn’t gonna be intimidated by him. You know, cos he’d forgive in 2 thugs and bullies then we’re society, and I warned him. I told him if he kept on pushing me, then there’d be consequences. So I just stood up to him and he walked away.
But not before he challenged Jon to a big arm wrestling contest tomorrow which Jon accepted.
That is so brave, or is it just stupid?
(holding the camera) Jon, man on the brink.
No, but you didn’t really sell that stuff, did ya?
No, and tomorrow I’m a dead man.
Bradley
No you’re not. You just need a little bit of training, you know.
Bradley, it takes months to train somebody.
Bradley
It takes months to train a whole body. We just need to train your arm. You know, put it on some weights, put on special diet. Does the rest of me have to be present because…
That sounds really boring.
No, no, no, no, no. Th-This is it. I have finally found the subject of my movie. The story of one man facing insurmountable odds, facing injustice or I feel an Emmy coming on.
Well, get in the bathroom then, you hedge-pig.
It will be a moving and gripping documentary and a fitting posthumous tribute to Jon.
Oh, don’t say that. I think he’s really got a good shot.
Rachel, you’ve got more chance of arm wrestling that guy into submission than I have.
What are you trying to say?
Look, I’ve said I’m gonna be that so I will. I’ve got to show up on Muscle Beach at 5 o’clock tomorrow and ask for… What's his name?
JTJo, Tina and Hannah
Ryan?
Bradley
Use your arm part. Use your arms. Get your back straight.
Jon’s getting really strong, you know. Last night, I saw him open the ketchup bottle all by himself.
Actually, I started that for him.
Well, I really think he stands a chance, I mean I know Ryan’s big in everything but he’s stupid. No offense, Tina.
He’s not stupid. He’s lovely. If only hadn’t had that dumb argument with Jon and Jon hadn’t accepted the stupid challenge. Just doesn’t seem like him.
Hmm. He is a bit out of character. You’re right.
It’s their hormones. Guys are programmed to behave like that. I’ve read it in just 17. They get all insecure when they think another guy’s invading their own territory. They’re like big monkeys.
Yeah. All snug in their tree until another monkey comes along then they get nervous for their bananas.
Yeah. I mean that other big ol’ monkey probably already has bananas of his own, but that doesn’t stop them feeling threatened.
So I’m dating a big monkey.
Erm. Yeah. But a nice monkey. Your one’s the king of the swingers.
Hey guys, can we remember who we’re rooting for in this contest?
Bradley
That’s it, man. That’s… You’re out of breath.
What odds are they offering on Ryan?
It is the night before Jon’s day of reckoning. You could even call it the eve of reckoning, and Jon is… What are you doing, Jon?
I’m making out my will while I still have arm to write with. Do you want my Olivia Newton John CDs?
The pressure of the coming day has clearly driven Jon insane.
Bradley
Jon, you can do it, bro. You’ve been trained by the best.
That’s funny. I thought you trained him.
Bradley
Shut up! You can do it, Jon. Just repeat after me. I will demolish Ryan!
I will demolish Ryan! I will! Yeah!
BPBradley and Paul
Yeah! Yeah!
Bradley
Good attitude! Now, if you don’t make it however, could I have your CD player?
Guys, I’ve got to win this competition. If I don’t, I’m gonna be the laughingstock of Venice Beach. I won’t be able to walk down the street without someone laughing or pointing and saying “Hey, look. There goes the guy with a weak arm.”
(closes the camera) At least you’ll be famous for something.
Ryan. Ryan! Are you okay?
Doctors say I only have 24 hours to live. I wanted to spend them with you.
Oh my gosh! You’re joking on it.
I’m sorry about the camera and Jon’s lap of honor. Why are you in so much pain?
Hey, I’m glad that happened this way. Because now we can go out together if you still want to. Do you?
Guess. But right now, I’ve got a class to teach. (to everyone) Okay. Places, everybody.
V1Verse 1: Jo, Bradley
When the world leaves you feeling blue
You can count on me, I will be there for you
When it seems all your hopes and dreams
Are a million miles away, I will re-assure you
PCPre-Chorus: All
We’ve got to all stick together
Good friends are there for each other
Never ever forget that I’ve got you
And you’ve got me, so
CAChorus: All
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your heart’s desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow’s shining over you
That’s when your dreams will all come true
BPBridge: Paul
Don’t believe in all that you’ve been told
The sky’s the limit, you can reach your goal
No one knows just what the future holds
There ain’t nothing you can’t be
There’s a whole world at your feet
B2Bridge 2: Jo and All
I said reach
Climb every mountain
(Reach) Reach for the moon
(Reach) Follow that rainbow
And your dreams will all come true
CAChorus: All
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars
Follow your heart’s desire
Reach for the stars
And when that rainbow’s shining over you
That’s when your dreams will all come true
CAChorus: All and Paul
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars (Reach, reach, reach is all that left off)
Follow your heart’s desire
Reach for the stars (Reach, reach, reach is on the right side)
And when that rainbow’s shining over you
That’s when your dreams will all come true
CAChorus: All
Reach for the stars
Climb every mountain higher
Reach for the stars (Reach, reach, reach is all that left off)
Follow your heart’s desire
Reach for the stars
(to them) Look at the state of this place! Someone’s gonna have to tidy it up.
Bradley
Yeah, Joanne.
I’m not doing it. I always do it.
Well, do you fancy a game of chess, Hannah?
Yeah, we’re not until you’ve done those dishes.
No, it’s not. It’s YOUR turn!
It was my turn last week.
Well, look. Let’s have this game of chess and whoever loses has to do all the dishes.
Okay. Deal. (He gives her a handshake) Ow!
Bradley
What’s up with him?
Must be his pose playing up again.
Guys, guess what? I think I just got a job.
What does the exotic dancer?
Bradley
Can you say that again, cos I could have just swore you said model.
Bradley
You?
Bradley
You.
Bradley
You.
Yes, Bradley! Some of us can do more than just sing and dance. Some of us have hidden talents.
Bradley
Must have very hidden.
So who are you modelling for?
Well, I haven’t definitely got the job yet, but I met this woman from a catalogue for a big department store and she said she wants to see me this afternoon.
Bradley
Well, I think I better go and get ready for my job interview then.
What job are you going for?
Bradley
Buddy’s Burger Bar.
Bradley
I saw it first.
No, you didn’t! You know I did.
Bradley
Listen, Jo. I really need this job! I am broke!
Guys, calm down! I’m sure there’s more than one job there. You’ll be fine.
You had better have to be.
Bradley
Wow.
Okay, guys, I’ve been practicing all day and now I want to see what you think.
Bradley
Yeah? Well, you weren’t the one walking around like a giant wiener.
Ain’t that what you do every day of your life, anyway.
Shh. You two, Jon’s waiting to show us his new skills.
Okay. Is everybody ready?
Bradley
Hmm.
But who’d have thought it though? You. A model. I mean. Well, not that you’re not… I think you’re very… Well, obviously, I can’t tell you now. I’m a bloke. But if…if I wasn’t, I’d be a woman. But what I’m trying to say is that I…
Look. Let’s just get on with it, shall we?
Right, okay. Jon is gonna strike a pose and you have to guess what clothes is modelling, alright?
Okay, first one. Watch this.
Bradley
Casual wear.
Yes. Well done. Okay, and this one.
Yes. Well done, Jo. It’s wicked. This one, okay?
Oh, oh. That’s easy. Arm suits.
Well done, Rach. Okay, come here. Let me do this one. (he brings Rachel) Okay, and that was this one.
AAll
5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
No, it’s still not right. (to Jon) Jon. Oh, yeah, I’m not speaking to you, am I? (to Jo) Jo, can you tell Paul to tell Hannah.
I am not talking to Hannah.
Of course. That’s right. (She walks over to Hannah) Hannah, can you tell Jo to tell Rachel to tell Paul to tell Jon that…
Bradley
What?
I forgot I was gonna say now.
Can someone tell me who are not talking to you? I can’t remember anymore.
Oh. Thanks. Tell her thanks.
Bradley
(to Rachel) Hannah says thanks.
Tell her it’s a pleasure.
Bradley
She said it’s a pleasure.
Bradley
Do you know what, guys? I think it’s pathetic.
I know. We’ve never argued like this before.
It’s gonna ruin our performance.
I don’t know. We just don’t seem to agree anymore.
Listen, I know I’ve been a little cynical about this fame and fortune thing, but… I take it all back.
Bradley
Oh, really?
Well, one of you is definitely, definitely famous. Although, not so fortunate.
What are you talking about?
Just a little picture in a magazine.
(He takes a magazine from Joni) It’s not funny!
I suppose it is quite funny.
Oh, guys, we’ve just agreed on something.
So, can I have your photograph?
Of course you can. (He signs in)
A cow. But you caught a sheep with no legs. A crowd. How could you forget that?
You don’t even know what a man with monkey under one arm, a crocodile onto the other was doing.
I think maybe he’s wearing them as an air freshener.
I wouldn’t say that restaurant was tough, but I think they used a pig as an air freshener.
Are we late for rehearsal?
No. It’s Christ’s meeting. We’re thinking about chucking someone out the band.
Look, if this is about that time that I posted nude photos of Jon on the internet, while they’re…
It’s Bradley! Tina says if he won’t come to rehearsals, he can’t be in the band anymore.
It’s just stupid. (to Bradley) Hey, Brad. You alright, mate?
Bradley
Mmm.
As far as we know, he hasn’t slept for 2 days and what’s even worse and…
He hasn’t gone to the toilet, either.
People, I think we’re sitting on a time bomb.
Bradley, serious! I’m making an intervention. I’m not moving from a spot until you stop playing this game.
Bradley
I just let me get past this level, all right? Trust me, I can do it.
No, you can’t, you hoof. It’s almost impossible to complete without the secret cheap put in the game by the garbagey of TD. It says here.
Well, then let’s find this bloke and ask him the secret. That way we can get our Brad back.
Good idea. But all we know about the game is that it’s by strati soft. You have no idea where they are or if they’re even in California.
You would do. Spring Street Downtown.
Yeah. They’re so nice format that’s like the audition.
So, you put a nude picture of me on the internet.
You know what I was thinking, Johnny Jon?
Oh, I don’t know, Honey Han. Um, why, uh, butterflies called butterflies are not margarine flies?
No. I wasn’t thinking that.
I was thinking the trouble with Los Angeles is that is so big. Nobody notices ya. I mean look at them ants. (pointing to the ants on the floor) They’re the equivalent of us in Los Angeles. They’re insignificant.
Bradley
(groaning then clearing his throat)
Bradley
(muttering)
How do you know what he’s saying?
Well, I’ve been studying Bradley speak. It’s a little like Japanese but without the words.
I guess that means “I’ll see you later?”
No. He was just clearing his throat.
Listen, nobody go near Joni. Looks like she’s having trouble with her boyfriend and she’s about to take it out on someone.
Hmm. Well, I hope she gives us some warnings so we can all take cover.
AAll
Somebody at the door!
I don’t know if we rush, guys. I’ll get it.
Oh! Hello, Joni. I didn’t recognize you from above.
Bradley
Ah! I had a nightmare that Joni was going across the floor, then when I woke up, Joni was going across the floor.
Don’t take any notice. It’s probably some kind of new age ritual.
Ohh! I knew it! I knew it!
Uh-oh! Sounds serious. Better get ready to run! (They all rush around)
Um, where are my trainers?!
I can’t go out looking like this!
Bradley
Whoa!
Down there! Look! Ants! Hundreds of ants!
Oh, yeah. Well, I’d see that, eh?
I can see them. They stand out like a mile.
I wouldn’t say a mile. Maybe a few millilitres and they’re the tallest ones.
There is an infestation here. This place is a mess! Look at it! I mean don’t you ever clean it up? It’s disgusting! (to the rest of the band mates) Listen up, everybody! The terms of your lease say that this place must be kept clean or I can throw you out at any time.
You’re right. She’s right. You’re absolutely right. This place is a tip, isn’t it? (clicking fingers) Paul.
Yeah, yeah. Um, it’s a disgrace! There is parp everywhere. Yeah. Someone should clean it up. I’ve got to go and see a man about the goose.
Whoa, hold on. Where are you going?
Um, um, to get some ant killer.
Stunner. Ant stunner. We’ll buy some ant stunner and then we’ll stun the ants, take them outside and then um…
Yeah. To roam the beach and destruct their stuff.
But we’ll have to spin and run first so they get dizzy and they can’t find their way back!
Bradley
More milk.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no you don’t! No!
L.A. 7 · 159 quotes
