Bradley quotes from L.A. 7

Bradley

Where’s Rachel and Tina?

Hannah

I think they got caught behind.

Jo

Look, this is stupid. We keep running out and our landlady every time wrenched you.

Paul

You’re right.

Jo

We’ve got to sort it out and get her act together.

Bradley

She’s right.

Jon

Look, guys. Our agent is rubbish. We might as well just concentrate on getting famous ourselves.

Paul

You’re right.

Hannah

He’s right!

Bradley

She’s right.

Jo

I’m right.

Bradley

I’m right sometimes.

Paul

ALL RIGHT! All right. I’ve had an idea. Let’s make a movie.

Bradley

Heh. Why not? (chuckles and eats the camera)

Joni

So that’s how it always works. I break up with somebody and then I regret it, so I phone them and then it all gets bad again.

Tina

Okay. Here’s the suggestion. If you find yourself wanting to find this guy up, then talk to us instead and we’ll help you not to find him.

Joni

Really? That’s very nice of you. Hey, guys.

Hi.

Jo

Joni, about the rent.

Rachel

No, it’s fine. Everything’s cool.

Jon

Is it?

Joni

Yeah, it is. What are you guys up to?

Jon

Well, we’re kind of sick and tired of sitting around waiting to be discovered, so we decided to make a film.

Rachel

Oh, that’s a great idea! That’s brilliant.

Tina

That’s great!

Joni

That’s great, that’s great. (trying to ring a number to someone)

Tina

Joni?

Joni

Hm?

Tina

What are you doing?

Joni

Oh. Nothing. So… Let’s make movies!

Paul

Yeah.

Bradley

That’s a good idea.

Jon

So, has anyone got any questions or anything then?

Rachel

Yeah.

Jo

Yeah.

Rachel

Do I have to wear that on my head?

Bradley

No, I’m not wearing his hat, bro.

Jon

Brad, you have to be a policeman.

Bradley

I did not.

Tina

Jon, Jon, Jon. So what are you gonna be then?

Jon

Well, I’m directing it, but then I’ve got to be the, uh, the third cop as well.

Hannah

Guys.

Paul

Any other questions, guys?

Bradley

You’re all set!

Jon

Okay, so this is the S Club Movie. Take 1!

Jon

And action!

Rachel

Okay, Jo. You know what we’ve got to do.

Jo

Sure. We’re going hard. We get the money and we get out if anyone stands in our way, we take them out.

Rachel

Where do we take them?

Jo

What?

Rachel

Well, you said we take them out. Where do we take them? Do we take them to restaurant or something?

Jo

No, Rach! We take them out! We kill them.

Rachel

Oh, Jo. I don’t think we should hurt them.

Jo

So what should we do then?

Rachel

Well, you know, shout at them or something.

Jo

You mean call them names.

Rachel

Yes! Call them names till they give us the money.

Jo

Or they cry.

Rachel

Oh, whatever.

Jo

Alright. Cool. Let’s go.

Jon

Okay. (to Jo and Rachel) Once more with feeling!

Bradley

Yeah. Rachel’s a bit shiny as well.

Jon

Mmm.

Jon

I’ve been assigned as your new partner.

Bradley

I don’t work with partners.

Jon

You do now, McIntosh.

Bradley

Listen up. I work alone, alright? I had a partner once.

Jon

Yeah, and what happened?

Bradley

I don’t wanna talk about it.

Jon

Do you wanna talk about it?

Bradley

No.

Jon

Look, the D.A. seems to think that you could use a little help on this case about catching those bank robbers.

Bradley

Listen up, Lee. I don’t need your help! Alright?

Jon

I knew a guy that said that once.

Bradley

Yeah. What happened to him?

Jon

I don’t want to talk about it.

Bradley

You wanna to talk about it?

Jon

No.

Bradley

So what do you wanna talk about?

Hannah

Oh! Look! There they are!

Hannah

Oh!

S Club

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

Finally Friday night

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air

Tina’s doing her dance

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air

(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air

Ghetto boys, make some noise

S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)

Jo

So, where should we go tonight then?

Hannah

Well, wherever it is a bit pitchy because I’m skint.

Paul

You’re always skint. When you get money, you don’t have to spend it immediately, you know, Han. It’s not compulsory. You better stay in tonight.

Jon

Yeah, but you’re still coming, aren’t you?

Paul

No.

Tina

Why’s that?

Paul

I’m skint too.

Bradley

What a day. Tell ya. Being a cinema aser is a lot harder than it looks, alright? You got the back seat, anti-snug patrol. You got the Slurpee volume enforcement and you got the ground to air popcorn prevention. Anyway, I thought you lot were going out.

Paul

No. We’ve been waiting for you, mate.

Jon

Yeah. We’re not gonna go out without you, are we?

Jo

Erm, yeah. You have been paid, right?

Bradley

Well, actually, yeah. I made 50 bucks today.

Hannah

Cinema? Has she made 50 bucks a day?

Bradley

No, I don’t get paid to the end of the week, but that’s just some of the change I found down the back of the seats.

Tina

Great. So where are we going?

Bradley

Well, I’m quite parped. So I think I’ll have a night in.

Rachel

Well, there’s a slight problem, see? We haven’t got any money, so we were thinking that maybe you could…

Hannah

Bradley.

Bradley

You still owe me 20 bucks from Florida, you little monkey.

Hannah

No, I don’t. I mean that to Paul.

Paul

Don’t look at me. I gave that to Tina.

Tina

Hey, nothing to do with me. Rachel wanted it and she didn’t like to ask.

Rachel

I only need cos I let my last 20 to Jon.

Jon

Yeah, and I would never have asked if I hadn’t already given all my money to Bradley.

Bradley

So you mean I owe myself 20 bucks. Ha ha.

Hannah

Look, we don’t have to go out to have fun.

Jo

No. Hannah’s right. Why don’t we all spend the evening in?

Tina

And do what?

Rachel

We’ll do what they did in the olden days. You know, before nightclubs are invented, I suppose.

Jo

What? You mean like skinning dinosaurs?

Jon

Come on, guys. We’re gonna have a great time. We can enjoy each other’s company, talk about current affairs, politics, literature.

Paul

Yeah. Who needs music and all those fancy electronics to enjoy themselves? Come on. Let’s go for it. Alright.

Hannah

So, what should we talk about then? Mmm?

Bradley

I see you a lot then.

Paul

(bumping into Jo) Ooh!

Jon

What’s happened?

Tina

The lights have come out.

Hannah

Oh. A dozen squid was just about to start.

Jon

Oh, no. My hair’s gonna look like straw.

Rachel

Your hair always looks like straw.

Jo

Look. Just got to sit down and try and work this one out.

Hannah

Jo! Stop trying to sit on my lap!

Jo

Sorry, Hannah. I can’t see anything.

Hannah

Obviously, you didn’t realize there’s a little bowl of guacamole in my lap.

Jo

Ugh!

Bradley

What is going on down here?

Paul

We’ve burned the lights.

Tina

Oh my gosh! If Joni finds out about this, we’re out.

Jon

I have a strange feeling. She will find out.

Paul

I can’t even see to sit down.

Bradley

Yes we can. (turning the flashlight on) Heh. Allow me to show you to your seats. (to Rachel) Madam, please no talking. (to Hannah) Chew quietly. (to Paul and Tina) Sir, madam.

Paul

Thank you.

Bradley

Show consideration for the other patrons…and enjoy the show.

Paul

Where are we gonna get $200 from?

Bradley

Well, we’re definitely ain’t gonna find it down the back of the cinema seat, that’s for sure.

Tina

All I have to find a job, however stupid, however pathetic. We’ll each have to get a job and work really hard and raise the money.

Mmm.

Jo

Hey, Rach, have you still got the paper?

Rachel

Mmm.

Bradley

There you are, Rach. Here’s one for you. Professional dog-sitter.

Rachel

No way! I’m a cat person. You wouldn’t get me working there in a million years.

Jon

Guys, we could easily raise this money if we can all just keep our jobs for one more week.

Bradley

I can’t believe I got fired.

Paul

Fired? But you only got the job 3 days ago.

Bradley

Mmm. I know. But it doesn’t matter, because I got a new job. Yeah. You know you are now looking at… (He shows them a green suit) Bradley McIntosh valet.

Tina

You mean polishing silvers and ironing newspapers and stuff?

Bradley

No. Not that kind of valet. I’m the kind of valet who parks cars and I’m working at the new cafe goffi down at Santa Monica Boulevard.

Paul

So, why did the cinema fire you?

Bradley

Over conduct oncoming an aser. Can you believe they stripped me on my blazer and my torch in front of all the other rushes and everything?

Tina

I told you to stop snogging Donna the projectionist, you muffin.

Bradley

Yeah, but it wasn’t the snogging. They objected to me. It was the fact, it made Donna put the rose on in the wrong order. But mind you, it’s the first time Titanic’s about the happy ending. (giggles)

Jo

Hey, have you seen it’s a massive roller parked outside?

Jon

I wonder what it belongs to.

Hannah

Bradley brought that home.

Jo

What?

Bradley

Yeah. Well, I had to. I finished at the restaurant. It was closed. The customers are left. There’s one car left over, so I thought I’d bring it home for safety.

Rachel

So, do I look stupid?

Bradley

Well, a little bit more stupid than Zena, but less stupid than Wonder Woman.

Jon

Rachel, I had no idea. When did you join the Power Rangers?

Rachel

Shut up, Jon. I lost the cloaked avenger’s dog and now I have to take her place.

Jo

Well, then shouldn’t you be fetching sticks and wearing up trays?

Hannah

Hello?

Rachel

I have to take her place when he opens some tire shop tomorrow and until I find his dog, I have to keep on taking her place every time. He appears in public… and I have to wear this stupid costume.

Hannah

Okay. Um, Bradley? I’ve got the manager at cafe goffi on the phone. He wants to know if you’ve got any idea what’s happened to his car. A Rolls-Royce?

Bradley

Oh, parp!

Bradley

Hello, Mr. Riskin. Yeah, it’s perfectly safe as good as new. Well, apart from the little mayonnaise stain when I went for the driving.

(talking to him on the phone)

Bradley

Yeah, but it wasn’t my fault. The cheerleaders were hungry! But they wanted to ride. This isn’t sounding too good, is it? Yeah, Yeah. Okay, I’ll ask him. (putting it back) (to his band mates) That was Mr. Riskin. He said he’s too busy to come over, but he wants one of you lot to fire me.

Jo

Bradley, you’re fired. Now get a job.

Oh, yes, Mr. McIntosh. The position is yours. You’re exactly what you’re looking for.

Bradley

Fantastic. And, uh, what exactly will my duties be?

Oh, don’t worry. We’ll train you on the job. Now, the changing rooms are right over there.

Bradley

Great. So, um, what’s the uniform like?

You’ll see.

Bradley

(thinking) Okay, okay. This isn’t a good job. All I have to do is just sit here and not move and be naked. I mean that’s it. It’s easy money. It’s not like I know any of these people.

Joni

Yoo-hoo, Bradley!

Bradley

Joni!

Joni

Nice glut.

Hannah

Come on! Hurry up, otherwise we’ll be late for Joni’s exhibits.

Rachel

Yeah, and we’re due at the cloaked Avenger’s wedding at 3pm. Can’t wait see what the cloaked wedding dress looks like.

Tina

I can’t believe Joni’s got the nerve to try and sell her paintings. Already, I mean she’s only been going to that art class for 2 weeks.

Jo

Yeah, I can’t believe we’re not DJs anymore. I don’t understand it. Every day at 2 o’clock Jerry would go off and be gone for at least an hour. Why did he have to come back at five past?

Rachel

Yeah. Well, we’ll never know, will we? Best not to think about it.

Paul

Well, the main thing is that we raised the $200 and Wally repaired the building and Joni’s none the wiser.

Hannah

Hmm. It has the certain naive charm. A primitive appeal that evokes cubism surrealism, and yet, remains defiantly…

Tina

A picture of Brad holding a dog over his.

Hannah

Exactly.

Bradley

This is so embarrassing, I mean, who’s gonna buy this, huh?

Paul

Well, according to the ticket, it’s already been sold.

Bradley

What?

Paul

For $1,000.

Joni

Man’s Best Friend. You know, this was the first one to sell. I was gonna spend the money today on rewiring our building because, well, it was a bit of a death trap, but then when I came and looked this morning, I found that somebody had already rewired it. So I think I’m gonna spend all the money on myself. Oh. Gotta go.

Tina

Who the heck will pay $1,000 for a picture like that?

Bradley

Come on, Tina. Look. Look. It’s obvious.

Hannah

Yeah, a dog lover.

Tina

Hey! My mum’s just bought my dad a new extension lead for a strimmer. Now he can really get stuck into that scruffy bit of more grass behind the shed. Isn’t that

Paul

Wow. Epic.

I don’t know who to dress.

Jo

I think we’re getting into a rut here. I mean we’ve been in L.A. for months now and nothing seems to be happening for us.

Jon

Yeah. I think we need a change.

Bradley

Joni Alert! Joni Alert! Joni Alert!

Paul

I thought she was in an assertiveness workshop!

Jon

I’m sorry, but that woman needs assertiveness like the desert needs sand.

Tina

Look at this place! It’s a tip!

Hannah

Ah!

Tina

Gosh, she’s gonna kill us!

Rachel

Yeah, do you remember the last time she saw this place in a mess?

Joni

This place is a mess! Look at it! I mean don’t you ever clean it up? It’s disgusting! (to the rest of the band mates) Listen up, everybody! The terms of your lease say that this place must be kept clean or I can throw you out at any time.

Paul

I’ve got to go and see a man about the goose.

Bradley

More milk.

Joni

Oh, no, no, no, no, no you don’t! No!

Joni

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Jo

Erm. How was the assertiveness course?

Joni

Hmm? What course? All that. No. I didn’t go, didn’t go, I couldn’t. Not since I tried meditating while driving and, oops, ran my car into the ditch.

Joni

Car was the total right off. So, place is looking good, by the way.

Paul

Are you alright? You’re not injured. Anything not.

Bradley

Especially like in the brain.

Joni

Oh, no. I’m okay. As a matter of fact, I’ve never been more okay and all my life. Especially since I met the tow truck guy. Yep, loves me a truck.

Rachel

Okay, Joni. What’s his name? What does he do and where does he come from?

Joni

His name is Jim who lives in Arizona and he doesn’t just drive a tow truck. He raises snakes for the movies.

Hannah

Wow That’s…weird.

Joni

And that’s not all. We’re getting married!

Married?

Joni

Yeah. Isn’t that great? Jim Bob and I were so in love. We’re just gonna sell up and start at this snake ranch in Tucson.

Bradley

Sell up? You can’t do that. What’s gonna happen to us?

Tina

Don’t be selfish, Bradley. Congratulations. It’s amazing here.

Joni

Thanks.

Tina

What is gonna happen to us now?