No, Bradley. You like every girl. That is the girl that I like.
But, Paul. You never got to do anything about it.
Okay then. Well, this time, watch this. (He comes to see her) Hi, how are ya?
GOGirl on Beach #1
Excuse me?
Well, that went better than usual.
You gotta work on your technique, bro. I mean, watch me. Watch the master.
Hey. How are ya doing? You’re kinda good.
GOGirl on Beach #2
(speaking gibberish and slapping him with her book)
Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys! You want to know how it’s really done. Watch Rachel.
RachelMe?
Yeah, you. You’re the world champion of flirting.
Rachel
No, I’m not.
Yes, you are. Go on. Look around and tell us if there’s a boy you like. My boys, watch this and laugh.
Okay. First, she spots her victim.
Rachel
(pointing to that boy) Well, he’s quite cute.
Then, she moves in for the kill.
The prey puts down his book.
He stretches unsuspectingly.
Rachel
Hi.
I’m Sam. You’re Rachel, aren’t you?
Rachel
Yeah. How did you know that?
I’ve seen you around at the beach, and at the cafe.
Rachel
Oh, really?
Yeah. Listen. I was wondering. It’s my high school prom in a couple days, and I was wondering if you’d like to come with me.
Rachel
Yeah. I’d love to. That would be great. Um, what should I wear?
Well, it’s quite formal, but I’m sure you’d look great in anything.
Rachel
Thanks.
That’s outrageous! I’m glad I never behaved like that.
BJBradley and Jon
Me too.
Hey, aren’t you guys with the S Club 7?
I’ve seen you play at the beach and at the cafe.
Rachel
Oh.
Hey, listen. I was wondering. It’s my high school prom in a couple days, and I was wondering if you guys like to play a few songs.
I’m sure you guys look great in anything.
So, I’ll see you in a couple days.
Rachel
Yeah.
BJBradley, Jon, Hannah and Paul
Yeah.
Mmm. George Clooney’s eyes. The new George Clooney’s smile. And he had George Clooney’s body. It was love at first sight.
JRJo, Rachel and Tina
Aw.
PJPaul, Jon and Bradley
(sigh)
So why are you still with him?
Well, he didn’t quite have George Clooney’s wallet.
You don’t really believe in love at first sight, do ya?
Has it ever actually happened to you?
I had loved her face that once. That was quite nice.
Rachel
My part of the third sight. Mmm. That was lovely.
Well, I’ve had love at no sight. Beat that.
Well, I met him on the internet. We exchanged romantic emails for months. He told me that he was a 45 year old millionaire with his own airplane, but then when I finally met him, he was a 14 year old squirrel with his own skateboard.
Yeah. Well, I think it’s a lot of old rubbish, anyway.
(to Jon) Well, you would.
I’ve had, I’ve had hate of first sight, a mild irritation, a second and, um, you’re not so bad after all at third. Does that count?
What’s the matter with him?
Rachel
He said we’d write some more songs today. Remember?
Yeah, but what is the point?
There are all these good songs. We’ve got no record contract. We’ve got no money. Our agent is rubbish.
Rachel
What about the prom?
All right. One proper gig.
Yeah. But our agent didn’t even get us there.
Yeah. Guys, I really don’t want us to be one of those bands who just do kids’ parties and old people’s retirement homes and bar mitzvahs.
We’re not going to do that.
Hey! Guess what, everyone? Our agent’s got us a gig out of a mitzvahs. What?
You see, we’ve gotta get a new agent.
I’m happy to help you with that.
Rachel
Really? How?
Well, I had a bit of a thing with an agent one time.
Really? Was it love at first sight?
No. It was love at first smell. Or he had this great aftershave.
We were wondering if Mr. Walters would like to be our agent.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
(clears throats) Okay, without saying the words “His books are full.”, could you possibly tell us when the next available appointment with Mr. Walters is?
RReceptionist
May, next year.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
All right, all right. You get the message.
God, even my dog’s got bigger vocabulary than that.
A lot was a waste of time.
Well, what we need to do is we need to get through her to him.
Yeah, and let them hear some of our music.
Yeah. And how are we gonna do that?
Uh. I’ve got a plan. Huddle, guys.
Rachel
Flowers.
Um, bite on my hamburger?
Bradley, you weren’t listening when I told you the plan, were you?
But we’re a band, Mr. Walters.
The S Club 7, Mr. Walters.
And we want to sing you a song.
Rachel
But we bought you presents.
CGChorus: girls, boys
S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)
Gonna show you how (Everybody, get down tonight) (Oh, yeah, yeah)
S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party)
Gonna take you high (Shake your body from side to side)
PCPost-Chorus: All
(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air
(Ooh, ooh) Like you just don’t care
(Ooh, ooh) There’s a party over there
(Ooh, ooh) There’s a party over there
Ha, ha! Nothing. But not bad at all. And now get out of here.
No, wait. We’re singing at the high school prom tomorrow night.
Would you come and see us?
Really? My son goes there.
Oh, great. So does that mean you’re gonna come and see us soon?
Well, you know, I’m not sure the thing is my son doesn’t have a date for the prom.
Rachel
Oh, that’s a shame.
I said my son doesn’t have a date for the prom.
Rachel
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
No. I don’t think you did. My son needs a date for the prom.
That’s okay. Rachel will go with him.
Rachel
What?
How kind of you to offer he accepts.
Rachel
No, listen. I’m really sorry, but I can’t take your son to the school prom. I already had… (Jo stamps Rachel’s foot) Ow!
Sore foot! She was just gonna say she’s got a sore… uh!
No problem. My son’s not that good dancer, anyway. Leave your address with the secretary. We’ll pick you up at 7pm.
Rachel
Thanks a lot, guys.
Well, Rach, it’s for the good of the band.
Oh, yeah, and don’t worry about Sam. We’ll take care of him.
Rachel
Yeah. That’s what worries me.
She walks a bit slowly though, doesn’t she?
How come he can never catch her up when she walks so slowly?
Rachel
Hi.
The door was unlocked downstairs so I just let myself in.
Rachel
But you’re early. 2 hours early.
Oh, I’m sorry. You’re not ready yet, are you?
Rachel
No. But, that’s not the problem. I have something to tell you. I’m afraid I can’t go out with you tonight.
Rachel
No. Well, I am going, but… Well, it’s a long story, but basically I have to take Billy Walters.
Rachel
I’m sorry. I really am, but so you don’t have to go alone. I’ve found an alternative date for you.
Oh, thanks, but no thanks. If I can’t go with you, then I’m just not gonna go at all.
Rachel
Well, at least let me introduce you before you make up your mind. (to Jo, Tina and Hannah) Girls?
JTJo, Tina and Hannah
Hi, Sam.
Th-They are my date? All of them?
Rachel
Yep.
This is the happiest day of my life.
So, plan A: We sing at the prom. Mr. Walters loves us. We get a record contract which leads to… (opening her fan) worldwide domination.
Rachel
Hi, Billy. I’m Rachel.
Rachel
Yeah.
Sorry. I, I, I wasn’t expecting. I’m a little nervous.
Um, Billy? Where’s your dad? Is he in the car or is he coming later?
Oh, yeah. My dad said to say he’s not coming because his books are full.
(to Rachel) Plan B, it all goes horribly wrong.
Do you not want to be my date anymore?
Rachel
Of course I do. Come on. We’re gonna have a great time.
So, are you girls ready to go?
I really can’t believe that you’re taking Hannah, Tina and Jo to the prom.
I know. 3 dates. Well, this is gonna be the best evening ever.
So, why don’t you tell me about yourselves?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys! One at a time, okay? Why don’t we start with you, Jo?
All right. Um, but first of all, I’m a bit hot, so can you take my jacket?
Yeah, and I’m a bit cold, so can you go and get mine?
Ugh! I don’t like that. Can you get me something else? Something orangey, but not orange juice or squash and nothing with bubbles.
Ah. Get some other one of those, will ya? I’m parched.
Okay. I’ll be right back.
B1Bully #1
Hey. Thought you said you had a date, Mr. Geek.
B2Bully #2
Who’s your date, dork-o?
B1Bully #1
Where is she, Mr. Nerds Bill?
Rachel
Right here.
B1Bully #1
You’re his date?
Rachel
Yeah.
Rachel
Well, I had to fight a few other girls off first, but I finally got him in to notice me.
B1Bully #1
Look at his geeky glasses.
B2Bully #2
And his stupid hair and square clothes.
Rachel
I think your clothes are great and your hair is really sexy.
Rachel
Yeah.
W-Wo-Would you like to dance with me?
Rachel
Sure.
B1Bully #1
(laughs) Look at the nerd dance!
B2Bully #2
Hey, Billy, you’re such a jerk!
What are you talking about? He’s a wicker dancer!
Yeah, I mean we all dance around, don’t we?
Yeah. It’s the latest thing.
I want chips. English chips. Not American chips.
And get me a sandwich, will you? Not from here. From the deli across the road.
And take my jacket and get me another drink!
And hurry up about it. We’re on stage in a minute.
Time when you are, isn’t it?
(sighs) What a nightmare.
Hey, Rachel! That was great.
Rachel
Thanks.
Oh, listen. Um, there’s no easy way for me to say this, but, I think it’s time to move on.
Rachel
I’m sorry?
I had a great time and everything but I don’t think we should date anymore.
Rachel
What? You’re checking me?
Yeah. Sorry. I hope we can still be friends.
Rachel
Yeah, of course we can.
Rachel
Hi.
Rachel
Okay. How about yours?
Not great. Do you wanna dance?
Rachel
Yeah.
Rachel
(to Jon) Do you know something? Why can’t we leave our own Chateau Style Terrace?
What are you reading, Rach?
Rachel
The big vulgar House Magazine. The magazine of big vulgar houses.
Rachel’s getting restless again, guys.
Rachel
No. Not restless. Just curious. Don’t you ever wonder what it’d be like to live in one of those big houses like rich and famous people do.
Maybe you mean like one of those amazing mansion in Bel-Air with like the 30m Art Deco pool and their own cinema and A Philip Star Kitchen and like six different kinds of palm trees.
Rachel
Yes!
Joni Alert! Joni Alert! Bandits 4:00! I repeat, Joni Alert!
Oh, no. It can’t be rent there already, can it?
When you owe as much money as we do, every day is a rent day.
And she had one of those really mean looks on her face. You know, like the one that says…
What’s all the panic for? What could she do to us anyway?
(to Bradley) Oh, you mean apart from like sell of all our possessions, kicks out the apartment and probably gets checked out the country. Not much, Bradley.
Sell of our possessions? What, you mean like my CDs?
Yeah, and your Britney Spears go skating posters!
This is terrible, Jon! Joni Alert! Joni Alert!
I saw from your resume that you’ve listed your harries as looking at old churches, and helping senior citizens cross busy roads.
Mmm. Well, Debi, you know, I do what I can in between the voluntary litter collecting.
Litter collecting? You do that for a fun?
Well, no. Not, not really fun. It’s more of a…
Rachel
Citizenly duty.
Yeah, you can only take out of society what you put in, Debi.
I mean as I always say “A litter-free world is a better world.”
That’s incredible, because I’m a volunteer community litter collector too! Venture litter box, litter box, go, go, go!
So, do you guys have your own song?
Rachel
We do, actually, yeah. But Paul always likes to sing that one, don’t you, Paul?
(nodding, then singing) We broom. We brush.
RJRachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) We don’t make a fuss.
DRDebi, Rachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) Dropping litter is a sin.
RJRachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) So, put it in the bin.
RJRachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) We broom, we brush!
RJRachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) But don’t make no fuss!
DRDebi, Rachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) Dropping litter is a sin!
DRDebi, Rachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) So, put it in the bin.
DRDebi, Rachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) Broom and broom and broom and brush!
RJRachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
(singing) Broom and broom and broom and brush.
RJRachel and Jo
Yeah, yeah.
Rachel
Wow! Look at that pool! The others are gonna be so jealous when they see this.
Rachel, that’s not very kind. Yeah, they are, aren’t they?
I hope you’re not thinking about getting your friends here. The owner has spent millions getting this place together. It’s your job to make sure it stays that way.
Debi, I couldn’t agree more, and that’s exactly what we’re gonna do. So, why don’t we go off and talk about the security operations.
She’s having a laugh, isn’t she?
Paul, I’m a little worried about those other two. Are you sure they’re not…party animals?
Debi, Debi, trust me. They are so sensible. They always look both ways when they’re crossing the bathroom.
Oh. Interesting. Italian Renaissance, I’d say.
Rachel
Yes. Definitely. Shame about the nudity, though. Is that quite necessary?
Oh, I don’t know. The youth of today.
Rachel
Mmm.
Rachel
Did you see the size of that bedroom?
Did you see the size of that bed? You got seven of us in there and still 11 enough room for another six and a half pounds.
JRJo and Rachel
Hi, Paul!
Look. Before we do anything else, I thought we just better sit down and draw up this list of duties.
Rachel
Duties? Debi’s gone now, Paul. You can stop pretending to be sensible.
Look, I’m not pretending. We’ve got a huge responsibility here and I don’t want to mess it up.
Rachel
Yeah. I mean we’re mature adults, aren’t we?
JRJo and Rachel
Oh, yeah!
Rachel
Yeah.
Can you pass the salt please?
Rachel
It’s great to have a bit of space, though, isn’t it?
Yeah. Makes all the difference.
I really miss the others.
Let’s see if we can get them round tomorrow.
Rachel
Yeah, but what if they don’t want to come?
Well, this is nice, isn’t it?
Yeah. We don’t need the others. We can have fun on our own.
Hello? Oh, hi, Jo. How are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re having a great time. How about you?
(speaking to Jon on the phone) It’s brilliant. It’s a lot of fun.
You want us and come and see you?
Well, um, I’m not sure what we’re doing tomorrow.
Well, only if you feel like it. I mean it’s no big deal.
Rachel
Yes.
We’ll have a party about 8 o’clock.
Wicked. No worries. See you tomorrow.
L.A. 7 · 159 quotes
