Shifu quotes from Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness

Shifu

[to Po] Behold scrolls 51 to 10,000

Shifu

The Sacred Scrolls should be read in proper order

Shifu

[To Po] You are now demonstrating your new skills with the Tri Bo Yao.

Shifu

[To Master Yao] Get your hands off this flawless speciman of Kung Fu perfection!

Shifu

Panda, you're next! Ten seconds to get to the other side unscathed!

Po

[Begins through the Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors; he blocks two of the Warrior's arms] Cat-like reflexes!

Monkey

[Flies in from the roof] HUAH!

Po

Monkey?!

Monkey

[Stuffs his fingers up Po's nose] Ha ha! Two points for Monkey! [Pulls back his fist] Lights out, Po!

Shifu

Po, the Furious Five have protected the Valley of Peace for thousands of years. How old do you think, say, Tigress is?

Po

I don't know. 40? Okay, well, less than a hundred, so... so this was another Furious Five.

Shifu

Yes.

Po

Okay, but who's that? [points to the female owl, x-ed out]

Shifu

[sighs] That is Fenghuang. She was the greatest fighter of us all, but she… changed. Over the years, the most powerful of us have all had one thing in common: they've become dark, twisted, villainous. In a word, evil. Po, you are the most powerful.

Po

Wow, Shifu thanks. I mean, coming from you that means a... wait, what?! So that means, I'm gonna turn evil?!

Shifu

What's your name, son?

Peng. The name is Peng.

Shifu

Get…out!

Po

But, Shifu, if you were Tong Fo in been hurting quits beathin'. I know, his a dad.

Crane

Sorry, Po. I spent my last few coins on a new nasal irrigator. Ain't she a beaut? But, uh, I'd be happy to donate my services in any way I can. Uh, excuse me.

Po

Wait a minute, great idea! We can all donate our services!

Tigress

Which means?

Po

We'll hold a Jade Palace Fancy-Pants Auction!

Monkey

You mean, get people to bid money on us?

Po

Right. Whoever bids the most, gets to spend the day with their favorite Kung Fu master. Is that an incredibly awesome idea or what?

Tigress

I doubt Master Shifu would approve.

Po

He won't know. He's off on his yearly pilgrimage to enhance his spiritual powers.

Shifu

[getting his back massaged by a bunny woman jumping on him; sighs in relaxation] Just a little to the left. There-- Ah! Thank you.

Monkey

No auction for me, Po. What if Mrs. Yoon bids on me? She smells like paste! Paste!

Shifu

Crane, if you'd done that in combat, someone could have gotten hurt!

Po

[yelling in distant] Someone did!

Crane

[snapping sharply] Someone always gets hurt! Kung fu isn't safe! It's just like my… Like, someone said. [sadly turns around] I have to go. [starts walking to the doors]

Shifu

What? Where?

Crane

I'm resigning from the Furious Five. [pushes the door open, accidentally hitting Po in the face] Goodbye, everyone… Forever.

Po

[sits up, putting his hand on his head; groaning] Did we save the lychee nuts?

Shifu

You're lucky to be alive, panda.

Mantis

[sighs in disappointment] It's my fault. Lidong was too big.

Monkey

You did what you could, considering you're so… Uh, green?

Mantis

I should have been able to take that guy.

Po

How? Lidong once fought Tigress to a stand still.

Tigress

His size is formidable. You never had a chance.

Mantis

Yeah, because I'm comically tiny! That's what you're all thinking, isn't it?

Shifu

A true master realizes his limits. Only then can he push past them.

Mantis

Well, maybe it's time I pushed my limits. I'm not gonna be the weak link on this team. No way! [hops away]

Crane

Tiny people can be so sensitive.

Zeng

Master Shifu, it's Mei Ling!

Shifu

[alarmed] Mei Ling?! Lock the doors! Man the gates! Double the guard!

Po

Mei Ling? Oh, no!

Zeng

Mistress Mei Ling.

Mantis

Mmm, razza frapsit.

Good to see you, Zeng. Miss me?

Zeng

Uh, maybe a little.

Mm, let me guess. Shifu's students, right?

Po

Yeah, sorry, Miss Ling, uh, you just missed Shifu. He's…not here.

Oh, such a shame. I was hoping he'd be hiding in that cabinet. [opens the cabinet and finds Shifu clinging onto the cabinet door]

Shifu

Gah! Stay back! Don't come any closer.

Po

[whispering to Monkey] Why is Shifu so afraid of her?

Viper

She beat Shifu!

[chuckles] I always do. He never could bring himself to fight his own girlfriend.

Po

Girlfriend? [faints and Monkey lifts him back up on his feet] Girlfriend?!

Shifu

Ex-girlfriend, and evil incarnate.

Mm, so dramatic. But yes, I suppose I was a bit of a bad girl back in the day. [2D animated flashback begins; voice-over] Shifu was a young prodigy. I was a rogue Kung Fu master. It was love at first fight. We became quite the item, but it couldn't last. [they both walk down the road, holding hands, until an ox warrior with a golden tooth appears, and they take him down together] Shifu felt a higher calling. But I used Kung Fu as a way to make a living. When I refused to change my ways, Shifu dumped me. He cared more about the honor of Kung Fu than he cared about me.

Shifu

That's not true. [turns to her] I cared about you very much, it's just that--

Po

Wait, I totally get it! Mei Ling doesn't scare you because she can beat you, she scares you 'cause you're afraid you still like her.

Shifu

I, uh… Po, that's ridiculous.

Po

Your mouth says "no," but your eyes say "Don't mind if I do." [brings him and Mei Ling closer together] Forbidden love, so romantic!

Shifu

[denying] Never. Mei Ling is a petty thief.