Taotie quotes from Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness

Taotie

With machinery comes power!

Taotie

Ooh, the mail!

Taotie

Aha! The Jade Palace! What did I tell you?

Taotie

A bill? "For the destruction of the Training Hall"?

Taotie

A bill?! [Looks off into the distance] Enough of your petty humiliation, Shifu and friends! I'll make you rue the day you were ever born! Rue, do you hear me?! RUE!!

Bian Zao

Dad, they're, like, 4 miles away.

Bian Zao

Seriously how, I need to forget him (his father, Taotie) too. [Taotie looks at his son]

Viper

Wait, if you expected us to know who you are, you must know who we are

Taotie

I am Taotie, your, uh... Kung Fu master!

[Bowing] Master Taotie.

Taotie

[To Viper] You, you're uh... Noodle. [To Monkey] You're Doodie. [To Mantis] Little Britches. [To Tigress] Whiskers Kitty-poo. [To Crane] And you're, uh, El Storko. [Laughs]

Bian Zao

[Does a fake cough] Loser. [Taotie looks at his son again after hearing this]

Taotie

They call me a brilliant genius!

Mantis

Wasn't this supposed to be about us?

Taotie

Oh, sorry. But then at the peak of... of my... our glory, there arose a terrible menace. A dark lord of evil known as Shifu...'s-An-Idiot. Yeah, Shifu's-An-Idiot and his nefarious confederate, Po...-Chews-With-His-Mouth-Open.

Bian Zao

Lame

Taotie

And although we have defeated them at every turn, Shifu's-An-Idiot and Po keep coming back. By the way, last time we fought those guys, I saved your lives. That's why you should be really nice to me. And then... there was a giant cake with eyes and uh... the end.

Mantis

I think I remember that cake!