Mikey Simon quotes from Kappa Mikey

Mikey

Everyone. I have a confession to make.

He's a vampire! It all adds up!

Mikey

You guys remember that reporter that was here?

Gonard

Sure, about yea high, face made of glass, always standing next to the fax machine.

Lily

You're thinking of the photocopier.

Gonard

That wasn't a reporter? Then why would he want a picture of my butt?

Gonard

Hey, Keep it down! I'm trying to watch TV.

Gonard

Oh, man, this guys got moves!

Mikey

Gonard, that's you!

Gonard

Shyeah, I wish.

Lily

[on TV] Yeah, Girls cooking for her friends.

Lily

Ugh! That was my voice sounds like?

Guano

[on TV] I'm with you, Mikey.

Guano

That’s what I looks like?

Mitsuki

This is terrible! I look like a wet blanket.

Gonard

I look like a sandwich loving buffoon.

Mikey

I look like I'm not wearing any clothes!

O.M.G!!!!! [running away to the stage] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Security breach!

Guano

I don't know, guys, you know what they say, 'Too many cooks spoil the broth.'

Mikey

No. What they say is, 'Too many cooks write the best books.'

Gonard

[excitedly paging through a photo album] Here's me fighting 'gators in the Amazon. Oh, and and here's me playing ping-pong on the moon. Oh, and here's me inventing penicillin at the prom.

Mikey

Those are just all pictures of you with sandwiches.

Gonard

Jealous?

Mikey

Gonard! You're not evil!

Gonard

Thanks, I've been using a new deoderant.

Ozu

Eat the stocking... EAT IT! [shoves christmas stocking in Yes-man's mouth]

Gonard

You're good, Kappa Mikey. Real good.

Mikey

The best.

Guano

Cut? [excited] Cut! That's a wrap, people!

Mitsuki

Mikey, that was amazing.

Lily

Yeah, for once you didn't destroy the whole set.

Mikey

Ain't no thing but a sumo ring. [tips over a camera and chaos quickly ensues] Sorry.

Guano

You know what, who cares? We're done for the season!

Mitsuki

You shouldn't mess with people who confuse T.V. and real life.

Mikey

Why not? Sounds like a great idea to me.

Mitsuki

Remember when we watched that nature show and Gonard threw the T.V. out the window cause he thought it was full of spiders?

Mikey

So?

Mitsuki

We lost THREE T.V.s!

Mikey

Good news, I'm nerd free!

Mitsuki

So you were honest, my advice worked?

Mikey

Oh yeah, about that. Sometimes true honesty means making up a crazy story about Gonard to scare away your fans.

Lily

This is a joke! You have no idea what you're doing.

Mikey

You've got spark. I like that. Give yourself a raise.

Lily

What!?

Mikey

You're fired!

Mitsuki

Um, Gonard, those are bunny ears.

Gonard

Oh, I thought they were butt feathers.

Mitsuki

???

Lily

Until Mikey Simon is removed as producer, I'm going on strike!

Guano

Yeah!

Mitsuki

Me too!

Mikey

Wait stop! I can explain.

Mikey

This should do the job.

Beautiful, sword eye, this called the Dragon's Spike, pops you heard the legend.

Mikey

Of course, so this is what they use to stop Manzilla.

Now, the Dragon's has been a history of dark and TWISTED!

Mikey

Oh, the Dragon's Spike, I thought you said the Dragon's Bike, anyway I'm sure no one would mind if I take her out for a little spin.

[laughs evily] No one will not pull it from the stone. Thousands of tribe it all it fails, the grass, the blade is to...

Mikey

[pulls the blade out] See ya later. [leaves]

Spike? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Mikey

Maybe I'll even be on Star Talk. The show where stars talk.

Lily

The only show you'll be on is America's Next Top Weirdo.

Mikey

Don't get my hopes up.

Mikey

It didn't hurt anyone expect us and Yes Man and the shark that ate Yes Man.

It's cozy in here!

Mikey

Doesn't anyone here want to go with me?

Dr. Igor

I won't go with you, but maybe I'll see you there. [Mikey and Mitsuki looking puzzled] I work part-time as an usher.