Maxine Gray quotes from Judging Amy

Maxine

AMY!

Amy

WHAT?

Maxine

Come out here and let me see it. My wedding, I get to see the bridesmaid's dresses.

Maxine

[laughing] Did you leave your curds and whey in the dressing room?

Amy

I don't care what Gillian says, I'm not wearing this dress.

I was hoping you could tell me what the hell is going on?

Maxine

Well the stock market is shot, but I hear the new Harry Potter book will have fourteen thousand pages.

Maxine

[Crying] Sean, if I have a "feeling," it won't be a little one.

Sean

That's okay, too.

Amy

My life is kind of weird right now.

Maxine

Yes Amy I've noticed.

Amy

I'm not just talking about the non-wedding.

So, how long have you been with DCF?

Maxine

157 years... give or take.

Maxine

I always thought the Methodists were more...uh...understated.

We have our moments.

Maxine

He's my therapist Sean, you wanted me to go to therapy, I'm going. Are you happy now? Would you like to shout it to the world? [shouting] MAXINE GRAY... IS IN... THERAPY!

Sean

And not a moment too soon.

Are you Maxine Gray? These are for Maxine Gray.

Maxine

I'm Maxine Gray, but there must be some mistake. You see my fiancée used to send me flowers all the time, but he died and I haven't been nice to anyone since then.

Well, there must be a card somewhere.

Maxine

[reads card] I can't accept these, take them back.

What's your probelem lady? This is the nicest arrangement in the truck.

Maxine

These flowers come from a man that I barely know. We spent one night together.

You must have made some impression [sees look on Maxine's face] Um. I'll say you weren't home.

Victor and I don’t like the fact that you and his dad are dating.

Amy

We aren't dating. Going to dinner is not a date. It’s just not.

Maxine

Amy, I'll be back later.

Amy

Where are you going mom?

Maxine

Out to dinner with a friend.

Amy

Are you going on a date?

Maxine

No not a date, just dinner with a male companion

Amy

Dinner with a male companion is a date.

Maxine

It's not if I say it's not.

Amy

[to Lauren] It's not the same thing.

Ignacio

You know the pimp?

Maxine

Yes, he's one of my foster pimps...uh, parents.

Amy

Mom, are you okay?

Maxine

[trying not to laugh] Of course, but I am 65 years old, and my boyfriend's mother hates me.

Maxine

[about Sean's new tie] I think it would very, very good on Jimmy Smits.

Sean

A bowl of soup would look good on Jimmy Smits.

Maxine

[about attending Ignacio's mother's birthday party] Let's be honest, the last time she saw me, she called me a prostitute.

Ignacio

Oh, you understood that?

Maxine

Si, senor.

Amy

Thursday night. Pick a movie. Popcorn and parking on me.

Maxine

I don't want to go to the movies Thursday.

Amy

Rent is in town.

Maxine

I've seen Rent. I pay rent. I'm sick of rent.

Amy

Bookstore?

Maxine

Amy?

Amy

All right! I have a date on Thursday. David's coming over and I'm cooking.

Maxine

You don't cook.

Amy

Just because I don't, doesn't mean I can't.

Maxine

Means you shouldn't.

Sean

If this social worker thing doesn't work out, maybe I can work as a carpenter like, uh, what's-his-name.

Maxine

Jesus?

Sean

I was thinking Harrison Ford, but...