(enters then asks Joe) What's this? (points to Joe's award)
JoeOh, nothing. Just my "Hottie of the Year" award. I've been meaning to hang this thing up for weeks. (continues to wipe his award) (he winks)
And you just decided to put it up right now before the interview?
What are these? (asks Nick about his trophies)
(walks to the awards) Oh, these old things? Just a couple of my songwriting awards. No biggie. (Joe turns) Well, this one a biggie. (bends down and picks up his big award) (grunts) (holds the big award) I got it in first grade-- "Best Melody in an Original Alphabet Song." (doorbell rings)
Joe
That must be Stella and Macy. (Nick kisses his big award) I'll get it. (Joe slides down his pole to go downstairs then he walks to open the door)
(sighs) Nick, I cannot believe how self-centered you guys are being.How about we show a little modesty? (unbuttons his vest and shows Nick the award as a necklace) What? I've been getting into hip-hop fashion.
And you just decided to turn your golden shredder award into a necklace?
Word to your mother... who also happens to be my mother. (walks away from Nick) (Nick shakes his head)
Well, thank you, gentlemen. (turns around and talks to Kevin, Joe and Nick) I found you guys quite perspicacious. (shakes Kevin's hand)
Joe
(tells Nick and Kevin) That means "insightful." Or was it "to sweat like a cow?" (Robert chuckles and leaves then Joe closes the door) (Stella and Macy are downstairs)
So, I thought that went really great. What are we doing now?
Excellent question, Stella. What are we doing on this very special evening?
I don't know about you guys. But showing my better side all day has got me exhausted. I'm going to bed. Good night, guys. (walks upstairs)
Yeah, I'm wiped. Have a good night, guys. See you soon. (walks upstairs)
Joe
Yeah, after even three hours, I'm tired of talking about myself. Oh, wait, I almost forgot. Don't forget your purse. (walks upstairs)
They- they forgot my birthday.
I can’t believe they did that. I’m gonna go yell at them.
No, I don't want you to go yell at them.
Good, 'cause, I could never yell at them. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?
Happy birthday, dear Stella. Happy birthday to you.
Bye. (leaves) (door opens, closes)
Bye. (walks to the table to take her purse) (electricity crackles) (notices the black out) What? (Tom is walking the stairs with a candle) I knew it.
Oh! Hey, Stella. I didn't know you were still here. So, I blew a fuse plugging in my hot comb. (gives Stella the candle) (flashlight clicks) I'll get this fix in a jiff. (walks away and Stella turns around then Tom leaves) (door closes)
Happy... birthday to me. (blows the candle) (door opens) (thudding) Ow! Ouch! (door closes) (the power is on) (Stella opens the door and she has a jacket on her head then she removes it from her head) (leaves)
(puts her bag on her shoulder) What's-- what's going on? (Joe and Kevin aren't hiding)
Joe
We're really sorry.
(stops hiding) We can't believe we forgot your birthday.
BMBig Man
Hold up. Is that what this is about? You forgot Stella's birthday? You're on your own. (walks away annoyed) (thuds) (Nick picks up his bag)
Guys, it's fine. It's okay. Look, I admit I was a little mad at you last night, but then I started thinking about it and your lives are so busy. I can understand forgetting little things.
Joe
You're not a little thing. You're Stella.
How about we throw you a surprise party at the zoo!? Oops, uh, you know what? We’re gonna do that next year. (Nick shakes his head) I’m just gonna stop talking now.
Joe
Or we can celebrate the way we did when we were little kids-- drink hot cocoa and play board games in our pajamas.
How do you always know exactly what I want? Okay, I'm giving you guys one more chance. I know how busy you are. Sometimes you have to stop being rockstars.
Joe
Okay, pajama party it is.
Oh, and I'll take a rain check on the zoo...Unless it's the London zoo. I mean, you are rockstars. (Stella walks towards Kevin, Joe and Nick then they walk away from the atrium while Kevin and Stella put their arms on each other)
Thank you very much. (stands up) (door opens) (Nick, Joe and Kevin enter the house after school) Hey, Give me a C!
"Coler." (takes off his bag and sets it down)
What? Oh, yeah. Anyway, I just talked to him.
Joe
Did he say anything about my hottie award?
No. No no, but he was so happy with the interview that he's make you guys the cover story.
Joe
So nothing about the hottie award?
He's gonna be here in an hour.
Joe
In an hour?
Joe
He can't come in an hour. Stella's coming over to celebrate her birthday.
Well, you can't bail on Coler. The last band to cancel an interview with this guy was the Happy Teens.
JKJoe, Kevin and Nick
Who?
Exactly. All right, now I know Stella will be disappointed, but she'll understand. Do you want me to talk to her? I can be gentle but firm.
Joe
No no no, you know what? We'll talk to her. She's our friend.
Thank goodness. That girl scares me. (leaves)
Joe
Guys we can't cancel on Stella and we can't cancel on Coler. There's no way out.
It's the Happy Teens all over again.
I have an idea. What if we do the interview with Coler upstairs and Stella's party downstairs?
But won't that make Stella mad? You know taking time away from her birthday party for some rock star interview?
Joe
Plus, Coler wouldn't think we're taking him seriously.
No, not if they don't know about each other.
Look, we go back and forth-- upstairs, downstairs. We've got poles how hard could it be?
It's like we'll be in two places at once.
Joe
Let's get ready.
Let's do it. (walks upstairs with Joe and Kevin)
Today I want to delve into your personal lives a little bit, all right? I want to get into the essence of your essence. Hmm? (doorbell rings)
Joe
(stands up) Our Chinese food is here. I'll be right back. (walks away then slides down the pole and runs to the door to open it) (Macy is knocking then she and Stella enters the house with a cooler and a bag of things) Oh, Macy, Stella. Come on in. (Stella gives him the bag)
Hey. We are all dressed for the pajama party. (she and Macy are taking off their robes) Whoo! (Joe closes the door then he walks to the table to put the bag down) Where are your pajamas?
Joe
They're upstairs. I was ironing them.
Joe
I think Kevin just touched the iron. I'll be right back! (runs upstairs while Macy and Stella put their robes on the chairs)
Hot! Hot! (holding his pant leg)
Joe
arrives then asks Kevin) What did I miss? (sits down)
Oh, just having some tea. (then sits down and Robert's assistant walks away)
(walks to the ottoman then sits) I was just asking your brothers how, with all the success and commitments. You find time, you know, for friends and school.
Joe
How about I answer that and you run downstairs?
Joe
In your pajamas.
Your pajamas? (Nick takes his pajamas and leaves)
(switches chairs) Um, was the song that we wrote after "My Pants." "Your Pajamas."
Joe
We like to write about what we know.
(walks to the table) All right, let's get this party started. (Stella carries a tray with hot chocolate)
Oh my gosh. I can't believe that you still have this dopey doctor game. (puts the tray on the table) (Nick takes a cup of hot chocolate and drinks it) I mean, with the fake stethscope and the fake casts and everything. (Nick puts his cup of hot chocolate on the table)
I feel fake sick already.
Well, it means a lot that to me you guys are doing this. I mean, with all your fame and success that you still have time for me.
Stella, you know how we feel about you. And tonight is all about Stella and only Stella. A large order of Stella with Stella on the side.
Joe
Nick!
Gotta run. (runs back upstairs while taking off his pajamas as he goes runs back to the bedroom to sit on his chair again)
(sits next to Robert Lincoln Coler and tells him a story) And ever since then I've been a boxer brief man. I hope that answered your question.
Well, actually my question was about your favorite subject in school... um, and I was asking him.
Hey, guys, ready for Dopey Doctor?
Joe
That's our nutty nurse.
I'm sure it's nothing. You know what? Let me just go che-- I'll be right back. (takes Nick's pajamas and leaves go to downstairs while wearing them as he buttons it) Hey, guys!
Hey, aren't those Nick's pajamas?
Doing the interview. What interview? What am I talking about?
Um, I should go. Oh, look-- ice! (holds the ice bucket and runs with it upstairs) (Macy and Stella notices something is up)
(tries to wipe the hot beverage off his pants while spinning around) Oh! Oh! Ah.
Hi, guys. (offers Nick) Ice? (Nick puts his hand into the ice bucket)
You guys say that you are living the dream. Okay, with all of your success. How do you, as my friend Beyonce likes to say, keep it real?
Well, keeping it real is the most important thing for us.
Joe
Friends and family come first.
They always have and they always will.
(crying) Well, you could have fooled me, but I guess you did for a little while. (Kevin, Joe and Nick see Stella then they stand up) (she is upset)
Joe
Stella.
(stands up) Isn't that your stylist, Stella Malone?
And didn't you tell me yesterday that she was your best friend?
Joe
Yesterday she was. (he, Nick and Kevin are walking away sadly)
(writes) Heavy. Very heavy.
Stella, there you are. I have the Coler interview with JONAS.
I'm really not interested. (starts to walk away)
(reads) "Friendship is a major chord in the life of JONAS. They couldn't stop talking about their stylist and best friend, Stella Malone." (Stella stops walking away)
(turns around and walks back to Macy) Okay, give me that. (takes Macy's cellphone) "Said Joe, we feel blessed to have Stella in our lives. She's my inspiration." Oh.(Joe, Nick and Kevin enter the hallway to walk to Stella and Macy) (turns around while hiding Macy's phone)
Joe
Stella, I know you probably never wanna see us again...
Which would be kinda hard, since we go to school together and you work with us...
Unless you want to make yourself some really fantastic blindfolds.
Joe
We just want you to know that we're really really really really really sorry.
Really really really really really sorry.
I don't know. It seems like a pretty crummy way to treat your inspiration.
Joe
"Inspiration"? Wait a minute. You read the article.
How long were you going to make us sweat?
I cleared my afternoon. (chuckles) Guys, what you said in the Coler interview was the best birthday present I could've ever asked for.
Yeah. Thank you. (hugs Joe, Kevin and Nick)
Oh. Guys. (also hugs Joe, Kevin and Nick) (grunts)
Come on, five-second dance party! (dance music playing) (he dances) Who’s in it? (music stops) I’m turning into my father. (walks away)
Oh, hello there. I didn't see you come in. I was just reading a story. Or should I say "gory"? Would you like to hear it? Of course you would! Ha ha ha ha! So now I bring you the tale of the haunted firehouse. (Nick and Joe walk to Kevin at their bedroom)
Joe
Is that my jacket?
If this was your jacket, could I do this? (rips)
Joe
You're telling Stella.
Did I just hear Joe's jacket rip?
Ahh! (he, Nick and Joe are running to their poles to slide down) (Joe and Nick slide down but Kevin holds onto his pole before his hands are magically not on the pole) Ooh! Enjoy the show.(thumps) Ow!
Joe
(walks to Kevin and asks) Dude, what's all this stuff?
Ghost-tracking equipment so I can finally prove to you guys that we have a ghost.
Ghosts? Please tell me you kept the receipts.
Nick, I'm trying to tell you we have a ghost. (holds the book) It's all right here in this book. (gives the book to Joe)
Joe
(reads the title) "Ghosts, ghouls, and cleanest hot-dog stands of New Jersey." (flips the pages)
It's kept track of every paranormal event plus all the greatest schnitzel in the Garden State.
(tells Kevin) Seriously, the receipts-- (snaps his fingers) hand 'em over.
(takes the book back from Joe) According to this, our firehouse is haunted by the ghost of William Smith, a volunteer fireman... (buzzing) (he takes the electromagnetic meter away from Joe) who died unexpectedly at the age of 103.
Kevin, ghosts don't exist. Joe, please talk some sense into him. (Joe puts on goggles and wears them)
Joe
Dude, you look sick in night vision. Kevin, where'd you get these. I'm never taking them off.
Actually, at the ghost outlet. Check out the ghost cam. If there's a ghost in this room, this camera will detect it.
Dude, that's just a regular video camera.
No way! It cost three times what a regular video camera costs plus it has a ghost sticker.
Joe
I can see your underwear.
Those aren't x-ray goggles. (tells Joe)
Joe
No, your pants are riding a little low, my brother. (Nick pulls his jeans up)
Volunteer fireman William Smith, you can haunt but you can't hide. (Joe stops wearing the goggles) Look! (goes around the room then sees the glass of juice)
Joe
What?
Five minutes ago my glass of juice was full. Who drank it? (Nick walks to the kitchen counter) A thirsty ghost perhaps?
Dude, this is my juice. (picks up his juice) That's yours over there. (points to Kevin's juice near the stove)
Oh. (Tom and Frankie walk downstairs)
Dad, would you please tell Kevin that this firehouse isn't haunted?
What? What happened? Did you see the ghost?
What do you mean, the ghost?
Uh, Frankie, why don't you go online and get us our movie tickets?
(sits while telling Kevin, Joe and Nick) Okay, look, when we bought this firehouse, there was this legend of some ghost that haunted the place.
Dad, why haven't you ever tell us?
Well, there's-- there's no such thing as ghosts, right? Plus I was afraid he would condemn our souls for eternity if I told on him.
Dad, it okay to be frightened. Look at me. I'm scared speechless. But I'm still gonna prove that this place is haunted with the help of the mighty ghost cam.
Isn't that just a regular video camera?
Apparently it's got some type of ghost sticker on it.
Please tell me you kept the receipts.
The guy in the van said I didn't need one.
Ghost tracker Kevin here, reporting on the dead from inside my bed. Ghost cam shows no signs of ghosts thus making my bed a ghost-free safe zone. Let's keep looking. We'll do a detailed analysis of Nick's desk and check for ghost droppings. (walks to Nick's desk)
(working at his desk) Get out of my face, please. (tells Kevin)
All clear. (leaves Nick's desk) There must be a ghost here. (walks to Joe while he lift weights) There's no way Joe could lift all that weight by himself.
Joe
Very funny. (knock at door)
The ghost must be downstairs knocking at the door.
Joe
What kind of lame ghost would knock? (still lifting weights)
Maybe he was raised right... when he was alive.
Joe
(has a bowl of chili while sitting Kevin's chair) Welcome back, boils and ghouls. We hope our little story didn't put you into intensive "scare"! Mwoh ho ho ho ho ho! (Kevin walks to Joe)
(tells Joe) Dude, that's my thing.
Joe
Says who?
You don't even do the scary laugh right.
Joe
Yeah, I do. Mwoh ho ho ho ho ho!
No, it's like this: whoa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Joe
No, Kevin, it's not. (puts the bowl of chili on the table) It's mwoh ho ho ho ho ho!
No-- whoa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
JKJoe and Kevin
(continue laughing)
JKJoe and Kevin
scream) (run away)
(enters and sits on the chair while holding the bullhorn) Those guys are so easy. We know there's no such thing as ghosts. Good night and be safe. (winks) (leaves)
MMan
(loud maniacal laughter) Oh, chili. (slurping)
No, this book has all the-- (beeping) (Joe reaches for electromagnetic field meter and puts it on his neck) Oh, I'm sorry. (buzzing) All the--if everything ever-- I can't concentrate. Oh, my gosh.
(biting his fingernails) Oh no! (takes his hand out of his mouth) I think I wet myself. (crew laughing) (laughs) I just did that reading wrong. Here's one: "what's a mummy's favorite type of music"? "Wrap!" (laughs) Ahh, I know. Oh, thank you for my tea... Frankie-stein! (laughs) He's good. or should I say bad? I'm just getting worse and worse, aren't I? (crew laughing) (laughs)
MMan
Action. (Kevin is reading the book while a hand massages him and he sees it) (crew laughing) All right, that's good. (Kevin removes the hand from his shoulder)
Joe
What's up, dude?
Joe
(closes his locker) Do you want me to start to leave so you can call me back and then me what's really going on?
Joe
Okay.
Joe
Yeah, Kev? Something up?
(sighs) In five minutes I have a calculus test.
Joe
Yeah, but in 55 minutes we have shop class. There's a rumor going around that Mr. Stone's gonna tell us that how he really lost that finger.
(laughs) Good try, but... I don't think anything's shake these five-minutes-to-calculus-test-blues. (blues harmonica playing)
Stop. I think I have something that might change your tune which is technically more honky-tonk than blues. My blues-chew cookie-- best batch I've ever made. (holds the paper bag then gives it to Kevin) Brought one for lunch. It's yours.
(about to take the cookie from the bag) Thanks, Nick, I don't think a cookie's gonna help any. (bites the cookie) (moans) Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Mm.
Suddenly, I feel like I'm floating on a cookie dough cloud with my best friends the chocolate chipmunks. (gasps) I can see their tree from here. Hi! (coos) (leaves Joe and Nick)
Joe
Wow. So, Nick, you got a cookie for me?
Sorry, bro, I only brought that one. Plus Kevin looked like he could really use some cheering up.
Joe
Yeah, I could use some cheering up too.
Joe
Nope.
Joe
Not since preschool.
Sorry, you're out of luck. (walks away)
Joe
Well, I'm not 100% thrilled with the way my hair came out today! (a female student walks by) Just kidding, you know, just wanted a cookie. My hair is perfect.
Jonas · 237 quotes
