JoeGuys, I can't believe Abby's getting detention and I'm not. I don't want her or anybody at the school thinking we're getting special treatment for being famous.
I didn't know you had a thing for Abby.
Joe
I don't. I just feel really bad about what happened.
Yeah. And by "feel bad," you mean "have a thing for."
Oh, nice. (gives Nick a five)
Joe
(faces Nick and Kevin) You know what I have to do? I have to get detention too. That'll prove to Abby that we don't get special treatment here.
All right, as long as you don't turn this into one of your big old productions.
Joe
Kevin, give me a blueprint of the school.
Why would I have one of those?
Joe
How about a scale model of the school?
You got it. (Kevin opens his locker to take out the scale model from it but Nick is seen shaking his head then Kevin points to the location of him, Joe and Nick are right now) This is our current position.
Joe
All right, I just gotta think of a way that will get me enough trouble to get me into dentention.
I'm on it. (gives the scale model to Nick while he takes his cellphone out of his pocket) (keys beeping) (he dials the number
Joe
But won't get me kicked out of school.
Oh. (looks at Joe and Nick) (beeps) (talks on his cellphone) Hi. I'd like to cancel that order I just emailed you about. Yeah, for the 20 goats and the wheelbarrow. It's not gonna work out this time. Nick gives the scale back to Kevin and he holds it) But I still need the ducks for Saturday.
(enters the classroom) Good afternoon, everyone. (starts to walk towards the front of the classroom) Let's start with silent reading-- chapters one through eleven. (Joe and the other students open the books but Joe hits politely Kevin) (Kevin gives Joe a whole roll of bubble wrap and Joe starts popping it but Abby is flipping pages from her book then she and the other students turn their head around to the back of classroom to see Joe popping bubble wrap)
Joe
(raises his hand) It's me, Ms. Snart. (chuckles) (he gets up from his desk while holding the bubble wrap and starts to leave) I'll just send myself to detention.
Actually, I was gonna send this to my grandma for for her birthday. (walks to Joe and takes the bubble wrap from him) You just save me a trip from the post office! You may skip homework for the next three days! (pats Joe's chin then walks away) (students murmuring) (Abby gasps and Ms. Snart walks back to the front of the classroom then Joe is sitting at his desk and he looks at Abby but she turns her head to the front of the classroom)
You know what, everyone? (tells the students) Joe has made me so happy. I'm gonna give a pop quiz. (students groan) (hands out pop quizzes to students) That sound is the sweet nectar that I thrive on. (Joe is feeling down) (Ms. Snart is rolling the present with bubble wrap)
Joe
(shouts) (Ms. Snart looks at the back of the classroom) Hey, Kevin, what did you get on question number three? (Abby turns around to the back of the classroom) I'd really like you to tell me the answer to that.
(walks to the back of the classroom) Eyes on your own paper! (whispers) It's "mitosis." (walks away) (Kevin writes down the answer then Abby shakes her head and rolls her eyes) (Joe is still disappointed because he is unable to get detention)
Joe
Oh, that's me. (picks up his backpack from the floor) (takes out a juice box) Nope. (takes out the pink balloon and the yellow balloon) Huh. No. (takes out the electric toothbrush) Hello? (chuckles) (groans) (takes out the fishbowl with fishes) How are you guys doing? (takes his cellphone out of his backpack and sets it back on the floor) Hello. You've got Joe. No. (Ms. Snart notices that he is disturbing the class again and she walks to the back of the classroom) This is a perfectly good time. I'm just hanging out at school. (chuckles)
Joe
Yes, Ms Snart?
Is that the new JONAS ringtone? (Kevin is annoyed) Can you beam it to my phone?
Joe
(takes the phone away from his ear) Sure.
(sighs) (she is disgusted by the way Ms. Snart is treating Joe then she rolls her eyes and turns to the front)
Joe
(walks on grass) It’s just like whatever I try, I just can’t get detention.
Just give me the word, man. I can have twenty goats here by lunch.
Joe
No, thank you.
Joe
Hello, Vice-Principal Smetzer.
Don't try to charm me, mister. I'm not impressed by your rock and roll dimples. (points to a sign) Willful disobedience of school signage. (he gives Joe a detention slip) Detention! (he leaves)
Joe
Oh, yes. (he and Kevin high five each other)
(tells Nick to how to hang the painting while Nick holds it) Okay, a little higher on the left. Lower on the left. Up a little bit on the left. A little down on the left. A little up on the left. Almost there. Almost there! No. Down on the left. Nick, is this my left or your left, you're looking at?
It's the same left! (Joe runs upstairs excitedly)
Joe
Yes! I got detention tomorrow! (tells Nick and Kevin) Now Abby will see I get punished like everybody else. Plus once she's in there, she'll be a captive audience. Ha! She'll have to listen to me.
Whoa whoa whoa. What do you mean tomorrow?
You know, the day after today or the day before two days from now.
Also known as the same day, we have to record the vocals for the new record or we miss the deadline.
Joe
Oh, I forgot about that. (Kevin pats Joe on the back of the shoulder) Nick, I think a little up to the right.
Would somebody please give me something to hang this with? (sick of holding the painting then an arrow pins it and he notices that) Thanks. (Nick, Joe and Kevin sees the hole in the window that the arrow made)
How'd I do? (Macy looks at the hole and Stella asks her but Macy doesn't say a word) (Macy looks at Stella then she looks at the window again)
Joe
Hi. I got detention for you.
Yeah, I remember. That's why all my friends are at the mall and I'm not.
Joe
(tells Abby) I meant I got myself detention because I accidentally got you detention. I just wanted a chance to explain things. All right my brothers and I are regular guys with regular dreams. Hold on a second. (lifts his backpack up to take the lyric sheet under it the he turns around to the student behind him and puts the lyric sheet on the student's desk) Can you take it from the bridge? (asks the student to play the song and the same student plays the song on the violin) You see, we come from a small town in New Jersey. (door opens) We didn't grow up with much-- just love and fresh air. (door slams) (playing different music)
Welcome to detention. I see you're getting to know one another... (chuckles) Which is odd because (shouts) there's no talking in detention! Luckily, I do have a solution. (moves Joe and his desk to the back of the classroom then Mr. Smetzer takes an empty desk to the front where Joe's desk was)
Joe
No-- But-- (Abby is smiling)
No arguing. Also no texting. No note passing. And no morse code, Gary! (shows Gary is morse coding then he picks it up and hides it in his sweater vest)
I want complete and utter silence in this room. Am I understood? (Mr. Smetzer walks to the front and slides an empty desk to the front where Joe's desk was) I am going to be in my office. (tells the students)
Joe
Yes sir.
That was a trick question. I said SILENCE! (yells at Joe's ear)
(he walks to the front and slides an empty desk to the front where Joe's desk was) I am going to be in my office. (tells the students) But don't try any malarkey. One peep and you'll spend the next four weekends helping the school janitors scoop squirrels out of the pool filter. (opens the door and leaves) That's right. (appears behind the teacher's desk) I'm quick and I'm quiet so don't try any malarkey. (walks to the door and leaves then quietly appears behind the map) I'm like a detention ninja. (appears at the other side of the map) I could show up anywhere. (he leaves) (taps Joe from behind)
Joe
(gasps)
Oh, yeah. (swiftly runs out of the classroom then Joe looks at Abby and pulls up a notepad with "hi" written on it but Abby shows Joe a notebook with the picture of her sticking her tongue out)
Joe
Okay. (he puts his notepad on his desk)
Joe
(gasps) (Nick and Kevin suddenly appear next to Joe) Where'd you guys come from?
A small town in New Jersey. (puts his guitar on a desk)
(speaks on the microphone) What's up, troublemakers?
Joe
What are you guys doing here?
We have to record the new vocals.
The record label needs it by the end of the day today.
Joe
If Mr. Smetzer hears me, I'm getting suspended.
That's a chance I'm willing to take. (puts his hand on Joe's shoulder)
Me too. (he puts his hand on Joe's shoulder)
Joe
Oh, thanks a lot, guys. Fine, I'll do it, okay? Just gotta talk to Abby first. (he is about get up from his desk but Kevin and Nick sits Joe back down)
Your apologies take forever. We'll talk to her for you.
Joe
Wait. Guys-- (Nick and Kevin walk to Abby's desk) (Joe is putting his head down then he puts his head up)
(introducing himself and Kevin to Abby) Hi. Nick. Kevin. Look, Joe feels really bad about getting you in trouble. He wants to apologize.
Oh, so he sent over two spokesmodels? (looks at Joe) Wow, must be nice not to do any dirty work yourself.
Oh, look, the chapter's about forgiveness. (he and Nick walk back to Joe)
I don't get it. Why do you wanna to go out with... her?
Joe
I don't wanna go out with her.
(opens the door and enters the classroom) Did I hear talking? (shuts the door) Mmm. Something's not right here. Mmm... (looks to the left then the right) Aha! (Joe is afraid that his brothers will be caught by Mr. Smetzer) (laughs) (walks to the back) Yes. (turns the poster but Joe and Abby are smiling) There we are.
Joe
(gets out of his desk and walks to Abby's desk then kneels down but Abby still won't talk to Joe) Hey, Abby. Abby? Abby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you think I get special treatment around here because I really don't. I mean, the only person in the whole school who gives me special treatment is Ms. Snart. If it's anybody but her, I get punished like everybody else.
(opens the door and enters the classroom) Hello. (Joe gets off his knees then groans and walks to the back of the classroom) I'm filling in for Vice-Principal Smetzer who had to go home for a family emergency. His mother's bath was overflowing. (Joe is crouching down to his desk but Ms. Snart sees him) Joe! What are you doing here? (Joe sits down at his desk) (she walks to Nick and Kevin and hugs them) And the two-thirds remaining JONAS! Did you prank up some mischief, you little rascals? (Joe puts his head down on his desk)
(tells the students) Now before taking over for Mr. Smetzer, I was helping out at the varsity girls' swim team victory party. So I need someone to go pass out pizza and towels. Any volunteers?(Abby and the other students raise their hands) (Joe picks up his folder and opens it then he hides his face with it) Mm, eenie meenie miney Joe! (picks Joe then he closes his folder) Have fun!
Joe
You know what I think? I should probably stay here. (Abby turns around and looks at Joe) I mean, I walked on grass. I should think about what I've done.
Are you disobeying the direct order from a teacher?
Joe
Yes, I am. (stands up from his desk and Abby is proud of him) And I think you should give me more detention.
(turns around to the back of the classroom and talks to Joe) Wait. You really don't expect special treatment?
Joe
No. Abby, that's what I've been trying to tell you.
Cool. I'm impressed. (she smiles at Joe and he smiles then he sits back down)
Do I have another volunteer?
(raises her hand) I'll do it!
Have fun. And when the party's over, grab a gift and just go on home. (Abby stands up from her desk and walks to the back of the classroom)
Joe
Abby, but--
See ya! (Kevin opens the door for Abby and she leaves)
That girl is just no good. (closes the door) (Nick stands up)
I know Joe doesn't want any special treatment, but we kind of have a new song to finish recording. (Joe looks at Nick) Do you mind we do it in here?
Do I mind? (Stands up) This is a detention room, young man. I can't believe you even asked me that.
The acoustics are way better in the hall! You rapscallion.
(painting a picture) Now this is how we should spend on a Saturday. No recordings, no detention. Nick, can you move a little bit to the left? (asks Nick to go little to the left) Perfect. (continues painting)
Joe
(playing checkers by himself) Yes! (stands up and walks to the other side of the checkerboard and tells Nick to watch him) Hey, Nick, keep an eye on me. I think I'm cheating.
Voila! My masterpiece-- She is finished! (Joe stands up and Nick closes the book then runs up to Kevin)
Joe
Whoa. Very realistic, Kevin.
So I sat and held that book all day for this? I'm not even in it.
(points to the painting of his finger) That's my finger! (disappointed)
You recognized it! I'm better than I thought. (rock music playing) (Joe walks away from Kevin and Nick) (Kevin paints a little bit more)
Joe! (passes the ball to Joe)
Joe
Kevin! (passes the ball to Kevin) (grunts)
(throws the ball to the celiing) Oh!(he, Joe and Nick look at the ceiling) Uh-oh! It is nice that we have high ceilings in this house. We should totally put a trampoline in the middle of our room.
Joe
That would be awesome! We could somersault into bed, or back flip into the bathroom.
Guys, do you really think that's a good idea? Think. Think hard.
No. (he, Joe and Nick back away from each other and play Hacky Sack)
Joe
Let's do this, come on.
Why, so you can kick it into oblivion again?
I can't help it if my leg muscles are like crouching tigers. I had an off kick. It happens to the best of us.
And by "best" you mean "worst"?
Joe
(sighs)
By "worst", you mean "best"? (he and Nick are staring at each other) I bet you I can hack the sack longer than you can.
You're on... Let's go... Right now.
House rules...two feet...No arms.
Joe
Why are...we talking...so weird?
Good point...let's stop...right now.
Are you ready now? (holds the ball) (Asian flute music playing)
No. I have to prepare. I need to hone in on my razor-sharp reflexes.
(gong chimes) (Joe is shocked) (Kevin catches the ball) One nano second off. I gotta work on that. (snorts) (leaves)
Joe
(runs to Kevin and Nick) Guys, guess what. Today's our anniversary.
(he and Nick stand up) Aw. hug it out. (he and Nick are hugging Joe) Bring it in. Feels good. Aw, love it.
Joe
You guys have no idea what anniversary I'm talking about? Do you?
Nope. (he and Nick stop hugging Joe)
Never claimed to. (he and Kevin sit back down)
Joe
Guys, it's the anniversary of when we first met Stella.
Wow. Time flies. Feels like yesterday that wittle Stella waddled into our wives. Sowwy.
Any reason why you happen to know the exact date when we met Stella?
Yeah, Joe. Thub-thub, thub-thub--
Joe
Guys, I remember all important dates that have to do with our friends and family.
Of course you do, yeah. When's my birthday?
Joe
Some time this year?
Joe
Guys, it doesn't matter how I remembered. The important thing about remembering is that I remembered. (Stella enters)
Joe
Hey, Stella. Do you remember what today is?
Oh, yeah. It's be kind to chipmunks day.
Joe
Yeah--
Good 'cause I got an extra acorn for everybody. (gives an acorn to Nick then Nick throws it away)
Oh no no no, wait-- unless these t-shirts answer your question. (shows the gray t-shirt) It's our "15-year friend-a-versary."
Joe
Happy friend-a-versary.
KNKevin and Nick
Happy friend-a-versary!
Joe
15 years ago today, I spilled chocolate milk all over my shirt and you were the only person that didn't laugh at me.
Well, I mean, how could I laugh? Someone had to blot out your corduroy jumper with seltzer.
Well, think about it, if you guys didn't meet, you guys wouldn't have become friends, That why you wouldn't become our stylist which means we would probably be walking on the streets looking like this.
It was a good thing that I came along.
Joe
Yeah, I mean, we need you like the winter needs the spring.
Or an ice cream cone needs sprinkles.
Like a pirate needs a hook for a hand, an eye-patch, and a parrot. Wow you need a lot of things to be a pirate.
They're coming, I swear. Better late than never. (Joe and Nick left the classroom and they go to the table and Nick takes his lunch bag from Kevin then he sits upright) Finally, guys. (the three students walk away)
Joe
So you guys, I was thinking we should do something special for Stella for our "friend-a-versary" like throw her a party.
We need to figure out what kind of party a girl would like. You know what we need for that?
Joe
A girl. Excuse me, miss! (asks a female student)
No, Joe, not just any girl. We need Macy.
Joe
How did you do that?
I wasn't following you around trying to listen to your conversation if that's what you're suggesting.
Macy, we need your help. We want to throw a party for Stella.
Joe
What kind of party would Stella really like?
Stella love surprises and I love surprises too. I love ice cream and-- and party games and balloon animals.
Oh right, Stella. Um... Stella loves karaoke.
Joe
That's right. We can throw her a surprise karaoke party. Can you come over later and help us plan it?
Joe
Seriously.
Hey, guys. (walk over to the table)
Joe
Shh, remember, big surprise.
Oh no, I'm not good at this.
Not good at what? (asks Kevin)
(stammers) C--crunking. (stands up) (Nick grabs the lunch bag) (hip-hop music plays) (moans)
Kevin, let's crunk it over there, please. (stands up and takes Kevin's bag and lunch off the table then tosses the bag and the lunch to Kevin but Kevin picks up his bag and lunch)
Oh! oh! Okay. (Nick and Kevin leave Stella, Joe and Macy)
Joe
(sighs) Phew, he almost blew it.
Almost blew what? (sits down)
Joe
This trumpet. (shows the music instrument and holds it) (laughs)
Macy: Right! 'Cause you're not allowed to blow it in the hallways. (chuckles)
Joe
I'll just go and put it in my locker.
Macy: You know what? (points to the instrument) That looks heavy. I'll go help you. (leaves with Joe)
(gasps) The croonmaster 5000. Stella's gonna freak. She thought the 4000 was awesome. (Joe opens the manual)
Joe
Yeah, but this one's even a thousand times more awesome. (flips the pages of the manual) But you've got to be a genious to figure out how to turn this thing on.
(takes the manual from Joe) Let me see this. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. (closes the manual and throws it on the floor) (dance music playing)
Joe
Genious in the house.
Hello! is anybody up there?
Joe
(gasps) Uh-oh! Stella's in the house.
Hide the evidence! (she lets the balloons go to the ceiling then covers the flowers) (StellaVator beeping to make the streamers go) (Joe presses a button the remote to make the balloons and the Croonmaster 5000 go up) (she takes the tablecloth off the ottomann) (Joe and Macy realize that they hide the manual then they dive to hide it under the tablecloth)
(enters the bedroom) Macy. What are you doing here... on the floor... with Joe?
I was... helping him with his math homework.
Joe
Uh... yeah.
I didn't know you were any good in math.
Joe
(he and Macy stand up) Oh, she's very mathematical. That's why they call her "Mathy Macy."
No one has ever called her "Mathy Macy." And besides, I mean, I was the one that helped you with your math homework.
Joe
Yeah, I just thought I'd give a break I know what a handful I can be.
Oh. Well in that case, where are all the books, the calcucators... the crying?
Joe
Well, we're doing mental math. It's like jumping jacks for the brain.
Oh. Well, I just brought these pants to go with the friend-a-versary shirts and now I'll go. Don't want to keep you two from adding your figures together. (leaves)
Joe
Bye.
Joe
Hey. We need to figure out a way to keep Stella busy before the surprise party.
Right. We have to be sneaky.
(appears) Sneaky? About what? (Joe and Macy gasp)
Joe
Sneaky is the name of Macy's friend's cat. She ran away from home.
What? Oh! Right. I better put up these flyers... right after I make them. (leaves)
Hmm, so do you wanna maybe do some homework later? (Joe walks to her)
Joe
Later-- I can't. I'm going to be doing homework.
You can’t do homework later, because you’re too busy doing homework?
Joe
Yes.
Oh. Okay. Well, I won't be able to see you later because I'll be too busy not seeing you. How do you like me now? (leaves)
Do you think she's onto us? (arrives again)
Joe
Doesn't suspect a thing.
Joe
So you're still coming over later, right?
Oh of course. To do "homework." (leaves with Joe) (Stella is suspicious)
Jonas · 237 quotes
