JoeHey, guys. Sorry I'm late. - Big announcement?
Ah. Let me put this in the form Of a riddle. Now what has two paddles, A net and the hottest celebrities in town?
Are you talking about Justin Timberlake's ping-pong tournament?
Correct. Now this is the biggest charity event Of the summer, okay? J.T.'s all about giving back.
Joe
Yeah, we know all about it, but all the spots are booked.
I guess it just depends on who you know. You see, my cousin is the assistant to the guy Who's the assistant to the guy who picks the
No, it's not. But more to the point, That means that only one of us gets to play.
Correctamente. F.Y.I., I'm adding "amente" to everything I say. So which one of you three, is the bestamente?
Joe
Me, I'd probably crush it, but I've gotta study my script For the movie that I'm starring in, "Forever April"
So Joe Hollywood is out. How about you guys, huh? Why don't you play for it? Kevin versus Nick?
I'm in. A little brotherly competition.
Oh. So... (clears throat) Excitedamente. All right. Good luck on that. All righty.
Joe
I need your love. You need my love.
Joe
Hey, Stell.
Whose dog is this? Hi, baby.
Joe
This is Chakra. He belongs to Vanessa.
Oh, we belong to each other.
Oh, no. I'm actually playing a ghost in "Forever April," so I can't be in the sun. I tan ubereasy.
(clicks tongue, sighs) Joe is such a sweetheart, agreeing to dogsit Chakra for me.
Wow. So you're dogsitting....
Joe
- Yeah.
Well, I'm spending the weekend In an underground spa, so--
Oh, let me guess-- uberexclusive?
Oh no, it's literally underground... in a cave.
Joe
So what's up, Stell?
Um, I actually just came to say hi. And now I'm going So, Joe, happy dogsitting. Vanessa, watch out for bats.
Now remember he only drinks bottled water, No carbs after 4:00 P.M. And no loud noises. - His ears are very sensitive.
Joe
(whispers) I think we'll be fine.
- I'll call you when I get there.
Joe
Cool.
Joe
Right.(Vanessa kisses her dog) Yeah, I knew that.
(Joe chuckles) And one for you. (she kisses Joe before she leaves)
Joe
Bye. I know where you can sleep. You can sleep in Nick's bed. (laughs) Yes, you can. Come on.
Joe
- Oh, hey, can I help you?
Yeah, I'm looking for a Stella.
Joe
- And you are?
- Ben. I met Stella hiking today And I found her keys on the trail. At least I think they're hers.
Joe
- Yeah, those are Stella's.
- Do you know if she's around? If not, I'll just see her tonight.
Joe
- What's tonight?
Joe
So what you're telling me is your name is Ben - And you have a date with Stella.
Joe
I think we have a lot we could talk about. Why don't you come on in?
Well, I know some words have been exchanged, some not so pleasant, so I decided to do something nice for you.
Well, I know how much you like relaxing.
I do like to take a load off.
All right. Well, try it out. Take this coconut smoothie, lay down on this thing - And just relax.
- Don't mind if I do. (sits on the hammock)
Oh, I almost forgot-- ladies.
Ah. Like a cool island breeze. It's very relaxing. Wait a second! - I know what you're trying to do here.
You're trying to recreate that sweet sweet nap I took in Maui.
Ah. The nap of all naps. The nap of your dreams. Now why would I do that?
To make me groggy for the match. You're trying to make me lose my competitive edge.
It would be nice. I mean-- No! Not at all! Absolutely not. - Not gonna work.
- All right, fine. But I know how cranky you get without your nap.
You're going down a bad road here, brother. You'll be sorry you messed with the master. No one said stop.
Joe
Ah. Here you go, my buddy Ben.
Thanks. So is Stella home?
Joe
I want to talk about Ben. What gets Ben up every morning?
Joe
So what I'm hearing is you're unemployed.
- No, I work part time too.
Joe
Mmm, flipping burgers?
I invented a cell-phone app. It's kind of popular.
Joe
Well, I'm pretty cell-phone-app savvy myself. So what's it called?
It's called the side burner. - It lets you take any photo
Joe
and-- - put sideburns on it? Dude, I love that app. You invented that?
Yeah, it's no big deal It pays the rent, got my parents a new house. It's all good. So what do you do?
Joe
Really?
Joe
You know what? I ask the questions around here. So where are you taking Stella tonight? (Macy is spying)
- Um, to get frozen yogurt.
Joe
- What do you have against ice cream?
So as determined by the pre-game flip of a coin, The Kevinator will serve first. By the way, I'm no longer saying "amente." I'm now saying "inator."
The cobra chop is cheating?
Look, Nick. If you can't handle my level of play, you should quit now, - Just like you did third-grade Spanish.
I couldn't roll my Rs because my tongue wasn't fully formed yet.
- Always an excuse with this guy.
You know what? - Just serve the ball, Kevin Percy.
- Don't you use my middle name.
- Oh, I think I just did, Percy. (Dennis gives Kevin the ball)
- Whoo! Nice. Intensamente.
Code red. Code red. (enters the guest house)
Actually, this is crimson crush.
No. Joe, Ben, here together.
Joe is grilling Ben like a shish kebab. - You've gotta get in there.
- Right. Wait. - What about my toes?
Joe
So what you're telling me, ben-- If that's your real name-- Is that you're gonna take stella out to "fro-yo," and if it goes well, you might ask her out again?
Joe
- Stella. - Don't talk to her.
Joe
No, we are talking. We're talking up a storm.
Oh, and you brought them here. Thank you. That is-- that's so sweet. Thank you. Thanks. You-- game room, now.
Joe
- No.
- Look. If tonight's not gonna work--
- Oh no, it's perfect. It's perfect.
You ate baby food until you were 10.
It was just the applesauce.
Oh! Point to the Nickinator! Whew. Guys, this is getting personal.
How dare you interrogate my date!
Joe
What am I supposed to do, Seeing as you decided to keep the whole thing from me?
I tried to tell you, but you were a little too busy... Playing house with Vanessa and Shakira.
Joe
It's Chakra, and he's a boy. (Chakra is barking) The point is you had a date tonight - And you didn't tell me.
- Well, you didn't tell me about the dogsitting.
Joe
I didn't tell you about my dentist appointment either.
Vanessa is trusting you with something that she loves. That's a big step in a relationship.
Joe
We're not in a relationship.
Well, she thinks that you are.
Joe
Yet you're the one who has a date tonight.
It's just yogurt! (barking continues)
Joe
Chakra! Chakra! No, Chakra! Come back! Chakra!
So it all comes down to this: The winner of the next point will take the crown, And moi, to meet Justin Timberlake. (Nick takes the ball out of the hat) (dramatic music playing) (Chakra barks and swallows the ball) (Dennis gasps)
That was our last ball. - When did we get a dog?
Joe
Chakra! - Heel! - Stay! Stay! - Chakra, come back! - Chakra, come on! Don't run! (Dennis runs after Chakra)
Our dog's name is Chakra?
Joe
- It's not our dog. I'm watching him for Vanessa. He got scared when Stella and I were arguing.
Joe
- She has a date tonight - And she didn't tell me.
- Didn't you guys decide to be friends? Doesn't that mean you're free to date whoever you want?
Joe
Yeah, but I just pictured myself dating and Stella just... not.
You do realize how it sounds, right?
Joe
When I just said it, I realized what a jerk I sounded like.
Yeah, well, you shouldn't tell us. You should tell her.
(panting) Okay. Come on, boy.
Joe
You're right. Thanks. (leaves)
Yo, bros. Ah. It's game point. (gives the ball that Chakra swallowed to Kevin)
Yeah, that's gonna be a problem.
Maybe it's for the best. This game was getting pretty ugly.
Yeah, there's no such thing as a friendly game of ping-pong. (fistbumps Nick)
Hey, guys, hold on. We're real close-- one more point.
Guys, wait. I don't want to have to come down on you. All right, look. I promised my guy a JONAS and I don't front. Okay? So you guys have
Or our friendship is in serious trouble.
Our friendship will be fine. Trust me.
Joe
- Hey.
Joe
Listen. I was way out of line back there. I'm sorry.
It's okay. I may have slightly overreacted to that whole dog thing.
Joe
We should be able to date whoever we want without the other one of us freaking out about it.
Joe
Or if you prefer not to date at all, I'm cool with that too.
Joe
- Okay, the first one. Listen, Ben's a really nice guy. You should have fun tonight.
Joe
Just do me one favor-- Tell him what band I'm in.
Joe
Cool. (leaves)
- Here you go, man. I made you breakfast.
Joe
- Wow. Thanks, dude.
No problem. Feeling good? Feeling loose?
Joe
Feeling awesome. I'm going to be in a movie today.
Not just any movie! From the best-selling novel, "Forever April," Comes the major motion picture event Starring my brother Joe.
Joe
(chuckles) Dude, no sausage.
In a world with no sausage, - One man-- -
Joe
--tells his brother to stop talking like that.
Oh, yeah. Sorry. Hey, let's practice your lines.
Joe
Kevin, we've been practicing all weekend. I'm pretty solid.
Okay, then you wouldn't care if I did this-- Scene 36, interior, high school gymnasium, Your character Dade is alone. The ghost April appears. She says, "Dade, you're not safe here. - You have to go."
Joe
- I'm not going anywhere without you.
Joe
- See? Solid.
Joe
- You without anywhere going not I'm.
You are going to be a great actor.
Joe
And you are going to be a great director. Director Kevin?
Joe
- What time is it?
Joe
- And what time do I have to be on set?
Joe
- So we should probably-- - (he and Kevin are going to leave)
Joe
According to this, the set should be... Over there. Or over there. Dude, you're the director. Which direction are we going?
Relax, okay? We're a little bit lost, we're a little bit late, but look at this place! We are not in Jersey anymore.
Joe
Kevin, I was supposed to be in makeup like yesterday.
(laughs) You have to wear makeup. - Ha.
Joe
- ( sighs ) There it is. Come on.
Chill. We're in hollywood-- nothing starts on time.
You're late. Who said you could be late to a Mona Klein set?
Joe
- He did.
- Hi, Ms. Klein, I'm Kevin. I'm Joe's brother. Also a director! - Well, aspiring. But I'm just a big fan.
- Zip it! You sit down while I decide how I'm gonna punish you.
Joe
- It won't happen again.
- No kidding. This movie is my big comeback. After "Soccer Squirrels 2: Nuts in New York" - They said I'd never work again.
Joe
- I loved that movie.
Well, the critics didn't. But "Forever April" is going to get me back to where I belong. Unless you mess it up, so be on time!
Mona, my yoga class ran over. Sorry I'm late.
Oh sweetie, what's a few minutes? Take all the time that you need. Oh, the face on that one.
Joe
Vanessa, how did you get away with that? Mona totally chewed me out for being late.
I have exited Vanessa. I am now April.
Joe
- What?
Joe, this is a technique some actors use to prepare. They become the character even when the cameras aren't rolling.
Joe
- Yes. April, I can see you.
You're the only mortal I can communicate with and I need - Something.
Joe
- What is it, April?
A bagel-- lightly toasted with the middle scooped out.
Okay, in this scene, Dade goes to the house where April's spirit lives.
Joe
- Cool.
- Joe, I need you to play this - Scared, yet tough.
Joe
- Got it.
Confident, yet vulnerable.
Joe
- Really?
- I want big big emotion played in a very very small way.
Joe
- Okay, on that one how do I--
Joe
- Wait!
Joe
- Aren't we gonna rehearse?
Rehearse? What is this, your high school play? This is the big time. You're a professional actor and every minute on this set costs money.
Excuse me, guys, is everything okay?
- I'm Joe's brother. We've actually met.
Yuck, family. No thanks. This is why I have birds. Shoo! Cue effects. Cue music. - ( ballad playing ) - And action!
Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
Joe
- I just need to be close to you.
- No, you need to forget me. Try, Dade. Pretend I never existed.
Joe
But I can feel you all around. In the silence... I hear line!
- Cut! - Do you not know your lines?
Joe
- I do not. I mean, I did. I'm just nervous.
I'm not paying for nervous. Go again. Cue effects. Music! - ( ballad playing ) - and action!
Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
Joe
- Uh...
Cut! What's the deal? Everybody take five. You get your act together or you're gonna see my dark side. Okay?
Joe
It gets darker?
Joe
Stop saying that. I'm a mess.
Joe
- Maybe I just don't belong here.
What does this chair say?
Joe
- It says "Joe."
- yes, exactly. "Joe," not Lou, not Ed, but Joe. They wouldn't give you a chair with your name on it if you didn't belong here.
Joe
- Who's Ed?
- I'm trying to make a point. You're fine saying the lines with just me.
Joe
You don't have a dark side. Mona freaks me out. - What if she fires me?
- I won't let that happen.
We gotta go much tighter on Joe. Throw a 75 on, okay?
You just pop up all over the place, don't you?
Yeah. I think I figured out what Joe's problem is.
Yeah, you have a way of saying things that are scary and mean. Joe, on the other hand, likes things that are soft and nice.
- If you could give him rewards, Maybe like treats or snacks, that could really help him.
Fascinating. You know, I have a different approach.
Joe
- Wait, what happened?
- We talked. You're all good. (Kevin screams)
Joe
- What? No.
Come on, guys, I've gotta get back to set. My brother needs me. Guys, come on! - (beeps) - Joe, talk to me.
Joe
Dude, why did Mona kick you off the set?
Things were said. It's not important. So how you doing?
Joe
I am freaking out. You need to get back here.
Picture's up. Where's Joe?
Joe
- She coming. (hangs up)
- Joe? Joe! (tries to enter the set again but the two officers that took Kevin off the set prevented him from entering)
Listen, my brother really needs me. He's back there on set.
EEvie
And I need a three-hour foot massage, followed by a four-hour foot massage. I think we're both gonna be disappointed.
Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
Joe
- I just need to be close to you.
- No, you need to forget me. Try, Dade. Pretend I never existed.
Joe
Around all you feel can I but. I just said it backwards.
Joe
I can feel you all around. I can feel you all around! See, I can say it. (tells Mona)
(sighs) What about a treat? Let me see, what have I got in my pocket here? I've got some mints, a lipstick. I've got the number of the guy I rear-ended this morning.
Joe
- I think I'm past treats.
- Okay, so what can we do?
Joe
- Maybe you hired the wrong guy.
- I don't make mistakes. I saw you onstage and you were electric! I'm 25 and you made me feel like I'm 12.
Joe
- 25?
- Shh! Joe, you've sang in front of thousands of people And made them feel everything you wanted to. Bring that guy here, all right? Find your inner rock star. You can do it.
Joe
Okay, I'll try.
Cue effects! Music! And action!
Why do you keep coming here? Nothing good ever happens in this terrible place.
Joe
- I just need to be close to you.
- No, you need to forget me. Try, Dade. Pretend I never existed.
And cut! Rock star Joe, welcome to my movie.
That's awesome. See that actor? That's my brother.
Joe
- How was that?
- That was great. That was amazing! Now do you think you can say your lines As well as you sang them in that song?
Joe
- Definitely.
- All right, let's go again.
Joe
Hey, guys. Do you mind going over tomorrow's lines with me?
Actually, man, you rocked it today. I think when it comes to movies, you're a solo act.
- Plus you're banned from the set.
Holla! Oh, best date ever!
Oh yeah, Andrea was definitely feeling me.
Aww, so you remembered all the stuff I told you about how to act with a girl?
Yeah. Kinda. I sort of blocked you out.
Well, can't wait to meet her.
AAndrea
Yo, D.Z., where you at?
Peeps, Andrea; Andrea, peeps.
AAndrea
What up, playas? Yo, we gotta scoot. I promised your moms I'd have you back to casa D.Z. Before curfew.
Okay. We can just jump in the cool bus. Beep beep beep. (beatboxing) Come on.
Joe
What was that?
Jonas · 237 quotes
