[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan have caught a small fish that they think is the Salmon of Knowledge. They are keeping it in the well on the farmyard.]
Do you really think that's the Salmon of Knowledge, Piggley?
Course, it is! [to Ferny] Go ahead. Ask him somethin'. He knows everythin'.
Uh... [clears throat] Uh, Mr. Brainy Fish, uh, sir. Do ya... Uh, do ya know what, uh... I had for breakfast this mornin'?
[The fish looks up at Ferny, blows one bubble, then swims away from him.]
There. See? He says "Yes". He knows.
One bubble means "yes", and two bubbles means "no".
Okay, so what did Ferny have for breakfast today, hmm?
Mr. Salmon says he had... [deep breath; quickly] Six eggs, fried spuds, soda bread with marmalade, fruit, kippers, beans, and mushrooms, and porridge with milk, the top of the bottle.
Oh... That's absolutely amazing! It really is the Salmon of Knowledge!
Hey, Ferny. What do you wanna do tomorrow?
Well, I usually study on Sunday. But there's no need for that now, right?
No, sir. Not while we've got Mr. Smart Fish around.
[Ferny's stomach starts growling.]
Janey Mack, I'm really hungry. [realizes something; gasps in horror] Wait! I didn't have breakfast this mornin'!
The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong! THE SALMON OF KNOWLEDGE WAS WRONG!!! [echoing]
[Padrig finds Piggley getting swarmed by bugs.]
Careful with them fairies, son.
"Fairies"?! Why, they're just bugs, dad.
They could be bugs. Or they could be fairies in disguise. Fairies do that, you know.
[A bug flies on Piggley's hand.]
[disgusted] Agh... Nothin' this ugly could be a fairy, dad.
Careful. They don't care much now for insults. They just might turn you into a bug as well.
[One of the chickens pecks at Piggley's hand, eating the bug.]
Fairies work in mysterious ways, you know.
[chuckles] Ah, you're just havin' me on. [beat] Aren'tcha?
[laughs] Why don'tcha run along and play now, Piggley? These chickens are fed enough.
Thanks, dad! [runs off, passing Elly] Bye, mam!
[to Padrig] Now, what do you want to tell the boy stories like that for?
[laughs] Don't worry. Not even Piggley would believe that one!
[The mystery show Piggley Trotter, Private Eye is playing on the radio.]
PTPiggley Trotter
This is my town - a good town, with good people, and one bad one. Master criminal Big Sty had given me the slip again, and... I was calling it quits for the day. I headed for home, taking a shortcut through the park. That's when she walked up. She was prettier than a French poodle. The smile that made the chickens cackle.
MMysterious lady
Mr. Trotter... I need your help.
[listening to the radio] It's a mysterious lady!
PTPiggley Trotter
Helping is my specialty, ma'am.
MMysterious lady
I think I'm being followed.
[Molly gasps.]
MMysterious lady
Followed by... Big Sty, master of disguise.
[Piggley wears a wig made of blue yarn, scaring Molly.]
MMysterious lady
No... I-- I...
BSBig Sty
[disguised as a policeman; speaking in a Cockney accent] Come with me, ma'am. I'll take ya down the station.
No, no! Don't go with him, mysterious lady! Don't go!
PTPiggley Trotter
She's not going anywhere with you... Big Sty!!
[Piggley gasps, then falls to the floor.]
BSBig Sty
Ohhh! Curses! How did you know it was me, Trotter?!
PTPiggley Trotter
Policemen don't... wear... rubber... boots!
BSBig Sty
Ohhhhhh! Foiled again!
What's so great about fishing?
Well, now. On Lake Beghorra, ya never know what you might see. Like the time not too long ago when I was out fishin'. I wasn't catchin' so much as a cold. Then all of a sudden, I hooked the strangest thing. A hat! A red hat!
[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]
It wasn't too long before a fella came swimmin' by, lookin' for the hat.
[Dannan, Molly, and Sweets gasp.]
I gave it back to him, and... he thanked me kindly. Then he disappeared beneath the water.
Well, now... The next thing I knew, like a streak of light, me boat was jettin' across the lake, sure I couldn't see what was pullin' me, then suddenly, I came to a stop. I was at a part of the lake I'd never seen before. Lookin' around, I thought I saw that fella with the red hat swimmin' away. Then, a fish tail as big as your side slapped the water! And he was gone.
Well, I can't say for sure, lads. All I know is that very place where me boat stopped... turned out to be the best fishin' spot of all time.
It's a long time sittin' in a boat, you know. Nowhere to go, nothin' to do.
We don't mind. [has Ferny's voice] We love sittin'. With... nothin' to do.
It's a lot of responsibility, you know.
I'll be leavin' at the crack of dawn.
We loooooove, looove gettin' up early! We'll all spend the night here, so we can leave first thing in the morning.
Now hold on a minute! I didn't say I'd take you!
[The kids start begging simultaneously.]
We'll see how things go in the morning.
[The kids cheer.]
[Wiley is bothered by his flock's loud snoring keeping him awake.]
Listen to that! It's like living in a buzz-saw factory! What I need is a glass of warm milk. Now that should put me out like a fuzzy light.
[Wiley places a cup under the cow's udders, and waits for it to produce milk, but nothing happens.]
Okay. Go. [getting impatient] Any time now. I'm waiting. [notices the cow's tail] Aha! She's got a handle! Like a pump! She's a pump cow!
[Wiley starts pulling the cow's tail up and down like a pump, but this causes the cow to angrily kick Wiley across the barn and into a large haystack.]
[from within] Got milk? No.
[Wiley wakes up with a start after being knocked unconscious against the wall from his tug-of-war with the kids over his blanket.]
[frightened] BAAAAAA! What--? Where--? Who--? Wow. What a dream I had. So vivid, so real, so... painful! Sleep is tough. Not sleeping is even tougher. What am I gonna do? Maybe I should sleep on it.
[Padrig catches the kids having a pillow fight.]
Oh... Uh, hi, dad. Um... I can explain. You see--
Explain to me how you think you can sit still on a boat, when you can't even stay in bed.
But we were getting our--
Yes, dad. [returns to bed with Ferny and Dannan]
And I don't want to have to come back here again. [leaves]
