[spits out the grass he's eating] Blah! What's with this grass? It's got no flavor! No oomph! It needs salt. Maybe a touch of oregano. [Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan rush past him] Hey! We're grazing here! ...On baa-aa-aad grass. [to his flock] Hey, you know what? [the flock looks at Wiley, confused] Of course you don't. But follow me anyway. Those kids are always eating. I'll bet they got great stuff. And they don't even have to pull it out of the ground with their teeth!
S1 E1Pie Filling
Hitch up the caboose, fellas, the gravy train just pulled in!
But what if Mammy made a big mistake, and didn't put in enough sugar? Now, wouldn't that be just terrible? She'd be so embarrassed! "Jakers!", she'd say. "Never again, will I be able to hold my head up in polite company! I didn't put enough sugar in my pie! Oh...!" [faints dramatically]
[After the children have eaten the filling in the pie.]
Do you think your mother will notice, Piggley?
Only if she looks.
[panics] Oh, no! What have we done, what have we done?! This is a disaster! A disaster! This is all your fault, Piggley! We're going to get in big, BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG TROUBLE!
[carried by a crane toward the pie in the window] Lower, lower. That's it. Hold it. [sniffs the pie] Oh, that's music to my nose. [the crust deflates] Holy hairball, they sucked the pippins right out of it! And they didn't even make snickerdoodles! Pull me up, flock!
[Wiley is hoisted up, banging his head on the roof, before he is moved away from the roof.]
I want pie, and those kids are my meal ticket!
[Wiley drops to the ground.]
Will somebody please tell Fluffy to quit getting so close to the GEARS?!
Jakers, Ferny! I'm doing all the jumping. Why are you breathing so hard? [the goat snorts out steam behind Piggley; he gets scared] And... and, and... snorting?! [feels the goat's beard] And... when did you start shaving?
[The goat sends Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan flying while in the cow costume.]
[Sean's voice] Hold it, Grandpa. Hold it. You mean the goat rammed all three of you into the air?
[Seamus' voice] In a goat costume?
Now, boys, do I look to you the sort of person who'd make up a thing like that?
Did it make your rump sore?
Well, I do still get a twinge in me backside every now and then.
[meeting with the goat] Psst. Hey, buddy. Hiya, handsome. Like those apples, huh? Ever had them in a pie? Sure, you get crumbs in your beard, but you could use one of them little crumbs, get it right out. [the goat angrily snorts at Wiley] Right. You're busy. You got goat business, right? Haha, gotcha. There's no business like goat business. Forgive me. I'll just help myself to a few of your apples here, before I take my leave. Is that alright?
[eating the apples] Wow, wowers! Mm, this is good, this is good, this is really good! My tongue is throwing a party for my mouth! What aroma, what bouquet! Oh, this is so delicious! Mm!
[The goat angrily enters the house.]
[nervously] Hello, goat. You wouldn't... by any chance... be after... these apples?
[After the Winks' kitchen has been trashed by the goat.]
Oh, your mother's going to be powerful mad!
Plan B. Molly, you go keep Mammy busy outside. We're going to clean up! Like Captain Clean of the Clean Brigade on a really clean, cleany day!
Okay, Piggley! [goes outside to distract Elly] Mammy! You came back!
Well, yes. I live here, don't you know?
[hanging on Mammy's arm] Oh! I am so glad you came home! Now you can... uh... you can hear me alphabet!
Oh, not right now, pet. I have things to-
A, B, C... Q, R, 1... I am not so nearly done.
[While cleaning the house, the kids have forgotten about the pie.]
AAH! PIGGLEY! THE PIE!!!
PFPiggley and Ferny
THE PIE!!!
[Recounting eating the badly-made apple pie.]
That pie tasted every bit as bad as a bullfrog's bunion. But guess what? We ate it. We ate every last bite. Ugh... Just thinking about it makes me stomach turn somersaults.
S1 E2Salmon of Knowledge
[telling Ferny about the Salmon of Knowledge] A long time ago, in the clear blue waters of Lough Derg, there lived a simple salmon. Hanging over his watery home, there was a very special hazelnut. And inside each and every nut on that tree was all the knowledge in the whole world. One day, one of those nuts fell into the loch. And the salmon gobbled it all up, filling him to the gills with everything there is to know about... well... absolutely everything.
[after hearing Piggley's story of the Salmon] Wow. A fish who knows everything. Think of the brain on that guy. Think of it. A fish with a giant head. And nut-crackin' teeth, big chompers! Hey, if a big-headed fish with teeth can get so smart from one little nut, think of what it can do for us sheep!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.