Mac quotes from JAG

Mic

I wrote People magazine, I called People magazine. They won’t issue a retraction.

They wouldn’t need to issue a retraction if you hadn’t talked to them in the first place.

Mic

I didn’t talk to them. I said I wouldn’t violate your privacy.

You said you wouldn’t violate your fiancée’s privacy.

Mic

Sarah, you’re wearing my ring. We’re practically living together.

Admiral. Commander. Lieutenant. (To Mic.) Goodbye. (Goes into her office and slams the door.)

She’s probably had enough coffee.

Mic

Yes, sir.

Why are you being nice to me?

I’m always nice to you.

(talking about Mic) Do you love him?

Do you love Renee?

I'm not marrying Renee

We should, we should go back in.

Hey, do you love him?

That's not a question you get to ask.

Why did you go to him so quickly?

You pushed me away. What was I supposed to do?

Wait.

For how long?

As long as it takes.

I want you to be happy for me.

I am happy for you.

Really? I'd hate to see you when you disapprove.

I don't disapprove, Mac. I'm just raising questions.

When did you become my caretaker?

You know, you save a person's life that makes you responsible for them.

Sturgis

You’re right about Tiner’s coffee. It tastes like battery acid.

You should have tried it before he knew the pot required a filter.

Sturgis

I’m sure she’s got a good reason for being late.

Yeah, well, she’s been early every other time. It’s already 11:18.

Sturgis

How do you that, colonel?

Do what?

Sturgis

Know the precise time without looking at your watch.

Internal clock, I guess.

Sturgis

Then why wear a watch?

It usually saves me from having to answer, “How do you do that?”

Sturgis

There seems to be a certain tension with you two.

Some.

Sturgis

A lot.

Look y-you're missing the point, Sturgis.

Sturgis

Come on, Mac.

I've never slept with him.

Sturgis

Is that the problem?

There is no problem.

Sturgis

Then why don't you just get over it and move on?

It wouldn't work.

Sturgis

Why?

Because I'm in love with him. (a long pause) Did I say that? (Mac sighs. Another long pause while Mac moves to a chair beside Sturgis and sits down) You have to keep that to yourself.

Sturgis

Okay.

I mean it, Sturgis.

Sturgis

So do I.

I need to ask you both a question. If you murder co-counsel in the courtroom, can you cop an insanity plea?

Harriet

Absolutely.

Yes.

Thought so.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Fine. You?

Yeah…thanks, Mac. That took guts.

You would have done the same for me.

Yeah, well the navy doesn't teach us tricks like that.

Neither does the Marine Corps. I saw it in a movie.

You saw it in a movie?

Yup. (She walks off.)

They don’t use real booby traps in movies.

Come on.

They make things up! Mac!

You know, if you want, I could call down to the front desk and ask them to send up a room divider.

I thought you’d want your own space.

How much more space do I need, Mac?

Well, fine. (She shuffles a little closer.)

You know, Mac, the temperature is gonna continue to drop, so if we don’t share body heat, we’re risking hypothermia.

You make it sound so inviting.

You want an invitation?

Yes.

Why don’t you come over here? It’s a little bit better than sleeping with scorpions.

All right.

Harm? You ever thought about how you want to go?

No. Look, this thing is fixed. Let’s pack up and get out of here, huh?

I want to die like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Oh yeah? Well, which one am I gonna be then?

Butch, of course.

Well, that’s true he was the brains of the operation.

Yeah, but Sundance was the shooter that everyone was afraid of. That’s how I want to go in a blaze of glory against impossible odds.

Who is it?

Harm.

Uh, just a second. (Quickly starts to get dressed.)

Come on, Mac, what are you doing? Open up.

Uh, packing.

Well open up, let me help.

I’m also dressing.

I could help with that, too.

When’s the last time you ate, Coates?

I’m fine, sir.

Why don’t you go down to the mess hall and grab something to eat?

Sir, really, I’m not hungry.

It’s not a suggestion, Petty Officer. It’s an order.

Are you not hearing me?

Yes, sir. With all due respect sir, I’m wondering why you can disobey an order over your concern for Lt. Roberts and I can’t, sir?

Why don’t we uh, eat in shifts, Coates? You go first and then you can relieve one of us. I’ll come for you if we hear anything.

Sounds like a plan ma’am.

You know what ticks me off?

That she’s right?

That she ignored me and listened to you.

Marines have a command presence.

Just once I'd like for you not to have a comeback.

I don't have one for Bud dying.

You're not gonna need one.

Turner

I bet they toasted you in all three wardrooms after that stunt you pulled on Friday.

You were on a sub. How'd you know Harm flew that mission?

Turner

I heard a naval aviator got a cruise missile up his six and had to fly halfway to India to run it out of fuel. Only Superman, here, would be fool enough to pull a stunt like that.

Yeah well, I bet Alec Baldwin would have nailed that sub before it launched a missile.

Turner

Hey Harm--- we tried. That sub got a missile off just as we— Who told you about Alec Baldwin?

Lieutenant Singer told everyone at JAG you convinced the action group that you were Alec Baldwin.

Well, actually she said it was Sean Connery but Harriet knew who she meant.

Yeah. Harriet e-mailed Bud, that's how we found out about it. But I'm sure with Singer's mouth, half of DC knows by now that you think you're Alec Baldwin.

Or Sean Connery.

Turner

I will strangle that Lieutenant when we get back.