Lt. J.G. Bud Roberts quotes from JAG

Defending Western civilization makes people horny.

What is that?

It's a cell phone, sir!

I know that! What's it doing up here?!

Does that mean you're not mad at me anymore, sir?

I was never mad at you, Bud! It's Mac that's always complaining about you!

You look nice. Uh, I'm sorry, I did not mean that.

Ens. Harriet Sims

So you don't think I look nice?

Well, I just don't know if it was appropriate to say. I outrank you, and I may have inadvertently uttered a yellow-light remark.

Ens. Harriet Sims

You have an ulterior motive, Lieutenant?

No! I don't think I do.

Ens. Harriet Sims

Then I'll choose to believe you were sincere.

Ens. Harriet Sims

I want you to kiss me.

Green light?

(watching from a distance) I just had a scary thought.

Their children?

So you abducted him, coerced him into drinking alcohol, and then forced him into the trunk of a car.

Yes, sir.

At any point did you try to revive him?

Yes ma'am, we tried to get him on his feet and walking, but he had stopped breathing. Malcolm - Midshipman Holmes - even tried mouth-to-mouth resecitatation.

Can I see you outside a moment, Major? You too, Lieutenant.

You think this funny?

No, sir.

Come on, Harm, you've got to admit…

Bill is dead, Mac! They killed him!

Harm, he's a goat. They gave mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a goat!

Tell the lieutenant.

Seaman Angel Munoz

What?

When were you born?

Seaman Angel Munoz

August 17.

1980. What does that make him, sir?

A Leo.

Sixteen, sir.

Ens. Harriet Sims

You can't ask me out on purpose, but you can ask her out by accident?

You were mad at me and she laughed at one of my jokes. At least, I think it was a joke.

Ens. Harriet Sims

You know what worries me, Bud? (he shakes his head) I'm starting to understand what you're saying.

Oh, Harriet, I'm really, really glad you're here in Washington. When I saw you at JAG, it was like eating Mexican food. You know, how your heart gets all tingly and you can't catch your breath because your whole body feels like its on fire?

Ens. Harriet Sims

I've been waiting for you say that. Dance?

No. (she looks disappointed) But I'd sure like to try.

And then we went to an all-night diner and ate cheeseburgers and onion rings.

My kind of place. And then you took her home.

Yes ma'am.

And?

Red light, major!

Major, the file you're looking for is…

I know where it is, Bud.

Yes ma'am, but its already..

It's 0939 and the flight doesn't leave until 1100, we have plenty of time, so relax! You're so nervous.

Yes ma'am. I'm just trying to point out to you that file you're looking for is...

There it is! For heaven sakes' Bud, it was right in front of you.

Yes, ma'am. How about that.

Bud, if you were a girl I'd kiss you.

(laughs) Red light, Commander. Does this mean I get my Game Boy back?

Can we be charged with mutiny on a foreign vessel, Commander?

No. This would be considered an act of terrorism.

She did good today.

Oh, Major MacKensize? Yes sir! She was great, sensational, terrific! She really did a a good job.

I said good, Bud, not the Second Coming.

Oh, yes sir.

Uh, I think that might be for me, sir! Yes! Lieutenant J.G. Roberts, that's my name!

Yes, that's you, Bud. Are you OK, Bud?