CDR Sturgis Turner quotes from JAG

Sturgis

You’re right about Tiner’s coffee. It tastes like battery acid.

You should have tried it before he knew the pot required a filter.

Sturgis

I’m sure she’s got a good reason for being late.

Yeah, well, she’s been early every other time. It’s already 11:18.

Sturgis

How do you that, colonel?

Do what?

Sturgis

Know the precise time without looking at your watch.

Internal clock, I guess.

Sturgis

Then why wear a watch?

It usually saves me from having to answer, “How do you do that?”

Sturgis

There seems to be a certain tension with you two.

Some.

Sturgis

A lot.

Look y-you're missing the point, Sturgis.

Sturgis

Come on, Mac.

I've never slept with him.

Sturgis

Is that the problem?

There is no problem.

Sturgis

Then why don't you just get over it and move on?

It wouldn't work.

Sturgis

Why?

Because I'm in love with him. (a long pause) Did I say that? (Mac sighs. Another long pause while Mac moves to a chair beside Sturgis and sits down) You have to keep that to yourself.

Sturgis

Okay.

I mean it, Sturgis.

Sturgis

So do I.

Since when did my office become a production of Hello Dolly.

(To Sturgis.) It’s about a matchmaker.

Sturgis

You think I live under a rock?

Turner

With you permission Admirals, I’d like to volunteer for TAD aboard the Watertown.

Commander, as much as I respect your service as a submariner, Commander Flagler is perfectly capable.

Turner

And I don’t mean to imply that he isn’t, sir. Only that I am Alec Baldwin.

Excuse me?

Turner

The Hunt for Red October movie, sir. Captain Yerastov is Sean Connery and I am Alec Baldwin, sir. I need to be aboard that boat.

Stay with him chief.

Like a fly on vegemite, sir.

Sturgis

Vegemite?

Spent some time in Australia, sir. It’s this, uh, like, jam they got down there. Tastes like diesel fuel til you get used to it.

Turner

I bet they toasted you in all three wardrooms after that stunt you pulled on Friday.

You were on a sub. How'd you know Harm flew that mission?

Turner

I heard a naval aviator got a cruise missile up his six and had to fly halfway to India to run it out of fuel. Only Superman, here, would be fool enough to pull a stunt like that.

Yeah well, I bet Alec Baldwin would have nailed that sub before it launched a missile.

Turner

Hey Harm--- we tried. That sub got a missile off just as we— Who told you about Alec Baldwin?

Lieutenant Singer told everyone at JAG you convinced the action group that you were Alec Baldwin.

Well, actually she said it was Sean Connery but Harriet knew who she meant.

Yeah. Harriet e-mailed Bud, that's how we found out about it. But I'm sure with Singer's mouth, half of DC knows by now that you think you're Alec Baldwin.

Or Sean Connery.

Turner

I will strangle that Lieutenant when we get back.

Must be nice.

Sturgis

What's that?

To be above it all. 'I wouldn't do it but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.' Now that's cowardly.