Mac quotes from JAG

(explaining why "women's intuition" is a valid defense) Sir, when we leave this building tonight we'll do it in very different ways. You'll get in your car and drive off.I'll walk out and pay attention to shadows and dark corners. The keys will be in my hand for quick access to my car, and in case I need them for a weapon. I don't give it a second thought because it's standard operating procedure every time I leave every building. Women's intuition isn't a joke, it's a matter of survival!

When awkwardness goes to $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to Bud's head.

Aw, Harm, it just takes him a little while to get warmed up.

Warmed up? Love isn't baseball, Mac.

How would you know?

How you feeling, Major?

Lighter. I apologize for all the flying jokes I ever made.How many G's was that? Twelve million?

Seven G's.

Bud, did you get the lab report on the Jelke court martial?

Bud

Yes, ma’am. It’s on your desk.

Oh, bad idea, Bud.

Bud

Why, ma’am?

Don’t put things on my desk. I’ll never find them.

Bud

Where should I put them?

Not on my desk!

He may still be out there somewhere, Mac.

Commander Douglas or your father?

Commander Douglas. You think I'm obsessing about my dad since I found that list, don't you?

No. You were obsessing before you found the list. And you have every right, Harm. Learning the North Vietnamese sent him to Russia only intensified it. I just hope you realize that if we find Commander Douglas, it isn't gonna give you closure with your father.

Only finding my dad will do that.

Well, you're not alone, Harm. In one way or another, we're all searching for something.

What every woman wants. A great career, a good man, and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.

Is that where Dalton Lowne comes in?

Are you kidding? His shoes are way too big. I mean, have you see the size of that man's feet?

I just hope you're not gonna do something stupid, Mac.

Why, Harm, are you afraid you're gonna lose me?

I just...hate having to break in new partners, you know?

You know, for a second there, I thought we were gonna have a Hallmark moment.

You know when the Admiral first told me he was partnering me with a Marine major I had these visions of a tattooed, jarhead, challenging me to arm wrestling at lunch hour.

Well, I do have a tattoo, I'm a pretty good arm wrestler, and although I don't like the term, I am technically a jarhead.

[back pedaling fast] I'm afraid that's classified information, Commander.

Do you want this medal, Rivers?

It's just a trinket.

You know, General Patton once said he would sell his soul for the Medal of Honor.

General Patton wasn't a SEAL. We don't do what we do for the ribbons, ma'am. Men die for their buddies. Others die for their country. And some die for no reason at all. But no one, no one I know, ever died for a medal.

Do you know what the admiral has me doing? Freedom of Information Act request, student loan recovery, delinquent car loans. And Admiral Drake's wife wants clearance to hold a bingo game at Bethesda.

A fundraiser?

Yep. Why am I doing this? Do you have any idea why Admiral Chegwidden is so mad at me?

The same reason we all are, Mac.

I may not like it, but I'm happy for you. And, hell, it's not like you're going to Afghanistan. I mean, you're taking a job in Washington, right? We'll probably be fighting each other in court again next week.

I'd like that.

That's because you're a masochist. Hey, don't start crying. If people see the Marines crying, give the Corps a bad name.

Permission to hug the commander?

Sure. Permission granted.

I'm gonna miss you, Harm.

I'm gonna miss you too, Sarah. Your ride's here. Nice car.

Yeah, but it's no Tomcat.

Harriet

Did you ever try to make love to a man wearing armour, Major?

Does football equipment count?

Harriet

That was a rhetorical question, I didn’t mean...

I’m kidding, Harriet.

Do you think Harm is capable of murder?

Under the right circumstances, we're all capable of murder.

My request for resignation?

Got too busy to process it.

Thank you, sir. It's good to be back.

That remains to be seen, major.

(referring to the Ensign) I'm going to have a psychological evaluation done.

Since when does a woman have to be crazy to shoot a man?

(after the Admiral ignores her again) You know, this sucks!

Bud

Ma'am?

I feel like I'm fifteen years old again, getting grounded for stealing cars and drinking! If that's the sort of thing one might get grounded for as a teenager.

You know, major, I think your talents may be wasted in administrative law.

I wholeheartedly agree, sir.

Well, shall we start fresh?

I'd like that. You know, there's something I've always wanted to do.

What's that? (she kisses him on the cheek) You're not gonna do that a lot, are you, major?

No, sir.

Wish us luck, sir.

Break somebody’s legs.