Harm quotes from JAG

Bud

The earliest recorded disappearance of a United States vessel inside the Bermuda Triangle goes way back to March, 1918. The USS Cyclops vanished without a trace.

Same thing's been known to happen to superstitious lieutenants.

He may still be out there somewhere, Mac.

Commander Douglas or your father?

Commander Douglas. You think I'm obsessing about my dad since I found that list, don't you?

No. You were obsessing before you found the list. And you have every right, Harm. Learning the North Vietnamese sent him to Russia only intensified it. I just hope you realize that if we find Commander Douglas, it isn't gonna give you closure with your father.

Only finding my dad will do that.

Well, you're not alone, Harm. In one way or another, we're all searching for something.

What every woman wants. A great career, a good man, and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.

Is that where Dalton Lowne comes in?

Are you kidding? His shoes are way too big. I mean, have you see the size of that man's feet?

I just hope you're not gonna do something stupid, Mac.

Why, Harm, are you afraid you're gonna lose me?

I just...hate having to break in new partners, you know?

You know, for a second there, I thought we were gonna have a Hallmark moment.

You know when the Admiral first told me he was partnering me with a Marine major I had these visions of a tattooed, jarhead, challenging me to arm wrestling at lunch hour.

Well, I do have a tattoo, I'm a pretty good arm wrestler, and although I don't like the term, I am technically a jarhead.

[back pedaling fast] I'm afraid that's classified information, Commander.

Bud

Even when they tell you something, they reserve the right to change their mind at any time. It's that woman's prerogative thing. I mean, what's up with that?

I hate that. God, I hate that.

Bud

Yeah, it's like, I asked Major MacKenzie if she was gonna be leaving JAG, you know, because I've seen the way she looks at Dalton Lowne. And she said no. But she could change her mind at the drop of a hat.

She's not going anywhere, Bud.

Bud

You know, I'm sure Lieutenant Pike and Lieutenant Austin told you the exact same thing before they transferred. I mean, let's face it, commander, you've had lousy luck with women. [Realises he's put his foot in his mouth.] Partners. The female JAG officers you've been with... in... the workplace... sir.

Well, I would venture a guess, lieutenant, that you have never been married.

If the Navy wanted me to have a wife, they would have issued me one with my dog tags and my seabag.

You know, I would have... I would have thought you were a cigar man.

I would be if they didn't taste like goat patties.

I like them. Goat patties.

You have a reputation of being quite the pit bull when you want something.

Well, I like to think of myself...

I like pit bulls, commander. What I don't like is a bunch of Washington pencil-necks coming into my backyard and dumping into my sandbox.

Do you know what the admiral has me doing? Freedom of Information Act request, student loan recovery, delinquent car loans. And Admiral Drake's wife wants clearance to hold a bingo game at Bethesda.

A fundraiser?

Yep. Why am I doing this? Do you have any idea why Admiral Chegwidden is so mad at me?

The same reason we all are, Mac.

I may not like it, but I'm happy for you. And, hell, it's not like you're going to Afghanistan. I mean, you're taking a job in Washington, right? We'll probably be fighting each other in court again next week.

I'd like that.

That's because you're a masochist. Hey, don't start crying. If people see the Marines crying, give the Corps a bad name.

Permission to hug the commander?

Sure. Permission granted.

I'm gonna miss you, Harm.

I'm gonna miss you too, Sarah. Your ride's here. Nice car.

Yeah, but it's no Tomcat.

Bud

What do you want me to do, sir?

Go home. Forget you saw me.

Bud

No, seriously, what can I do to help?

I'm being serious, Bud. If Admiral Chegwidden found out you were here, you'd be shoveling snow in Yakutsk for three years. Go on.

Bud

(forcefully) Wait, wait. Don't do this.

What?

Bud

Well, a guy believes in you, trusts you and offers you help, and you just diss him? You can't do that.

Take it easy, Bud.

Bud

(angrily) I'm your friend. Right now you can use all the friends that you can get. So don't tell me to "Take it easy, Bud,"... sir.

Bud, it's because you're my friend that I don't want you to be involved in this.

Bud

Sir, I've already aided and abetted. I don't know how much more involved I can get.

(referring to the Ensign) I'm going to have a psychological evaluation done.

Since when does a woman have to be crazy to shoot a man?

Admiral, upon further reflection, I wonder if I might talk to you about what’s going on between you and Major MacKenzie.

Are you out of your mind?

Apparently.

Annie

(when Harm says he's not dating anyone) Well, I always thought you and Mac would...

Mac has a boyfriend.

Annie

Oh, so you're secretly in love with her.

Webb

Rabb, why did I have to hear about this from the Baltimore Police? Why didn't you just come to me first?

Now, how would I know you had a hand in this, Webb?

Webb

I have a hand in everything.

Do you know what scares me? You know more about computers at your age than I ever will. You know, when I was 10, all I had was a newspaper route, a model airplane and an unbroken string of the X- Men starting at issue one.

You still got those?

No, when I went to Annapolis, my mom gave them to the kid next door.

Bummer.

Yeah, total bummer. I'd kill to have them back now. Did I ever tell you about my step-dad?

I bet you really hated him.

Well, it wasn't quite that bad, you know. But I never gave him a chance.

Because he wasn't your dad, right?

Yeah. He was a businessman.

Ultimate bummer.

Yeah, I thought so. But you know what, Josh? He deserved a chance. You saw me kissing your mom, didn't you?

I guess.

Are you okay with it?

You're okay. You're a pilot.

Here's what you need to understand, Josh. No matter what happens, your mom will always love you first, best and the most.

Hey, I gave up cigars last night. (Mac and AJ stay silent.) Any words of encouragement?

Don’t get fat.