Jackie Chan Adventures quotes

[recovering the Ox Talisman] CHAN!

So he is behind this!

Tso Lan

And things were going so well...

Bai Tza

We were almost even beginning to like you, brother.

What do you mean? I was just coming to visit-

Hsi Wu? He has been banished to the Netherworld!

[distorted] Hey-hey-hey-hey! I'm Marlon Moose!

Technology? The child!

Tso Lan

She somehow escaped the historical alterations!

Bai Tza

And if she knows the history that was...

Then Chan now knows of the Book!

Jade

[joining Jackie] What's up Mr. Poutysnout?

Jackie

[sigh] I do not belong with these heroes. The Ox made me strong. Without it, I'm-

Jade

Hello? The Talismans never made Jackie Chan a hero, you didn't even like to use them! Courage, brains, and heart are your secret weapons, and you've already got those! All you need is proper training! [stands him up] Jackie, I can teach you what you taught me. You game?

Jackie

...Game.

Jade

Cool! First lesson. The ancient art of butt-whoop starts with breathing. The breath flows to the fingertips, then down to the toes...

Jackie

Let's make history.

Shendu, and his accursed Talismans!

[blocking Shendu's heat beams] Jackie, help Uncle search! Stop fooling!

Jackie

Fooling?! [shows Uncle's Dog Talisman] I'm not immortal!

Get away from the Book! Surrender, your team has been neutralized!

Jade

Big whoop. [runs to the Book of Ages] If I can't find Shendu's changes, I'll make some of my own! [begins writing] "...and then Jackie grew twenty feet tall."

Now Jackie is the greatest!

YOU! [charges Jade]

Jackie

Shendu! [leaps and kicks Shendu to the ground]

The girl!

Jade

[writing more] ...Here comes...Super Tohru. [Tohru is transformed into a flying strong superhero, and tosses Dai Gui aside; Jade continues writing] Say hello, to Robo-Viper. [Viper is transformed into a mechanical robot warrior]

Viper

Like nuking fish in a barrel. [blasts Bai Tza]

[takes the brush from Jade] My turn! [writes and grows El Toro bigger]

Jade

Hey! No fair!

Now El Toro is the greatest!

Jade

[takes the brush back] Jackie is!

El Toro!

Jade

No, Jackie!

El Toro!

Jade

Jackie!

El Toro!

El Toro!

You want to defeat the demons? Yes? Then write that Uncle banishes the Demons already!

Duh!

Jackie

Bad day...for demons!

Jade!

Jade

Mom! Dad!

Cousin Jackie!

Uncle!

What brings you to Hong Kong?

Hong Kong Moose World! [winks at Jade who winks back]

Jade

Uh, look at the watch Jackie got me!

Moose World? Can I go too?

El Toro Fuerte

What mooses? We were fighting Demo- [is elbowed by Viper]

Viper

Uhhh traffic! We were fighting Hong Kong traffic to visit you.

Jade

So I could show you how much I've learned in America.

We know you have been doing very well there, Jade.

No doubt due to Cousin Jackie's excellent training.

Jackie

In all honesty, it is Jade who sometimes trains me...

Jade

You've been acting all weird lately. [Tohru groans] C'mon, you can tell me! It's Uncle, right? That garlic smell?

It's my mother...

Jade

What? Is she sick, or- ...You have a mom?

Jade

What's so yuck about a visit from your mom?

[sigh] I am the black sheep. All I have ever wanted was for my mother to be proud of me.

Jade

Well, she will be! Look at you! You're handsome, and big, you've got a...you're big!

[upon seeing the antique store] This where you live?! Ugh...you gave up good job with nice Mr. Valmont for this?!

Jade

Nice? Hello, doesn't she know that Valmont's a crook?

No...and please do not tell her.

Aah, my son. A servant in a junk shop!

Junk shop?!

Jade

This is an antique store.

Hah! Only antique I see is the billy goat there! [referring to Uncle]

Billy goat?!

Mommy!

Hushup!

Dragon lady should watch her forked tongue unless she wants a piece of Uncle!

Hah! I would sweep floor with you! And this floor needs it.

Jackie

[answers his phone] Hello?

Captain Black

Hope I didn't catch you in the middle of anything, Jackie.

Jackie

Uh, Uncle and Tohru's mom are getting acquainted.

Captain Black

Ah, family time.

[holding a vase] Cheap junk!

[takes vase away] Xing Dynasty!

Captain Black

Could be trouble brewing on the horizon.

Jackie

Believe me, I know.

Captain Black

The Octopus will be on exhibit at the Japanese Expo. I'd feel better if you were there to assist with security.

Jackie

Uh, you want me to guard a fish?

Captain Black

Actually, octopuses aren't fish, they're multipods.

Jackie

Octopi...[as Uncle and Mama Tohru continue to bicker] Please, behave!

Captain Black

Sorry, Grammar was never my best subject in school...

Jackie

Oh, you mean the Kyoto Octopus! It is the most famous relic of the Komodo Dynasty.

Captain Black

Intelligence sources that the Yokanawa Crime Family has the octopus in its sights.

Huh! Why don't you get some light in here?

Thought bats could see in the dark.

Jackie

[to Uncle and Mama Tohru] This must stop!

Captain Black

My thinking exactly. I'll set it up. Thanks for your help, Jackie.

Grape is my favorite.

You made a wise choice, Tohru.

What do I do?

Nothing fancy. You cruise into the expo, create a diversion, meanwhile my boys make an endrun, and nab the octopus. One tiny problem. Word is, you double-crossed your old boss, Valmont. That you're a rat.

I am no rat!

Prove it!

I have information.

Yeah?

Um, Jackie Chan will be working security at the expo.

I heard of him. They say he's unbeatable.

[crushes a desk] Nobody is unbeatable.

I trust you'll take care of this Jackie Chan personally, Tohru. ...And I mean, permanently.

Jackie

Jade, how did you get in here?

Jade

Security's lousy.