Jackie Chan Adventures quotes

The Book of Ages.

[The other demons gasp in shock]

DGDai Gui

Ludicrous!

Hsi Wu

Even we never dared to tamper with that!

Bai Tza

You risk altering the very fabric of reality!

Am I to assume this reality pleases you, sister?

PKPo Kong

Hmm... These are desparate times.

Then I will make things right. All you need do is allow me to once more depart from this realm and possess a human. The right human.

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[in possession of Jackie's body; writing in the Book of Ages] So it is written, so it shall be!

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Shendu's alive?! I gotta tell... [looks to see Jackie, who has a long ponytail sweeping the streets] ...Jackie? [runs to him] What did you do to your hair? What are you doing?

[grunts in frustration] Your job!

Sweeping dragon doo?

Where have you been, Jade? Where's your uniform?

Um, why exactly do we have to wear uniforms?

Because it is required for all servants of the supreme ruler, his majestic highness, Lord Shendu.

Are you telling me Shendu rules the world?!

Oh of course not! Each of the Eight Emperors has his or her own domain!

Since when?!

Since the dawn of history! What is wrong with you today?

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Jackie? Jackie, where'd you- [Jackie grabs her]

Today, you must scrub master's bath chamber. [gives Jade a scrubbing brush]

No way. [tosses brush away]

Then, fill his tub with fresh muck. [gives Jade a bucket of muck]

Ew! [gags]

And it's talons day. So don't forget to trim master's toenails. [holding a large set of clippers]

Jackie! Listen to me! I don't work for Shendu, and neither do you! Demons don't rule the world, humans do! The demons were banished into the Netherworld by the Eight Immortals a long time ago, then they got out and we banished them again, but Shendu possessed you, found this magic book, changed the past, and now none of that ever happened!

...That's crazy, Jade. You're crazy! Humans ruling the world...

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[as Jade approaches him on his throne] Why do you not bow?!

Oh, your scaliness! [bowing] Please excuse my slow-witted niece! [Shendu picks him up by his ponytail]

If she were not excused, she would be in flames! NOW FETCH MY DINNER! [drops him]

[bowing intensely] Yes master!

[nervously] Jackie?

[holding a platter of grubs; clears throat] Tasty treats, for his glorious excellence!

[eating from the platter] What a good slave you make, Jackie Chan.

JCJackie Chan

My joy is to serve you, master!

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Keeping one's enemies close is not just wise, it is gratifying.

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[rushing out of the Throne Room; throws down the clippers] Gross!

You forgot master's clippings.

Jackie, there is no way I'm ever going near his feet again! And Shendu treats you like a dog on a leash! I can't stand it!

Well what could I do? I'm just a food servant. His slave.

The Jackie Chan I knew was nobody's whippping boy... he was a hero!

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[catches Jade and Jackie in the library] Get out!

Uncle?

Only master's library boy is allowed in here!

Uncle, we need your help! We're looking for a book.

Forbidden! These books are filled with magic! Even I am not allowed to read them!

The Book of Ages!

Never heard of it.

Are you sure? [runs off] Maybe it's over here!

[chases her] No it is not!

How about here?

Not there!

Well maybe over here!

No. I have been library boy for 60 years! I am sure!

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If the book's not here in Shendu's library, there's only one other place it could be. Australia!

Aiya! No man's land! That continent is forbidden!

There is nothing there, Jade. Just a fortress!

Tch. Fortresses are usually built to protect something, duh.

But it is said that all who approach the fortress will be destroyed.

Well we have to get inside it somehow!

Why?

Because Shendu used the Book of Ages to rewrite reality!

[scoffs] That is crazy. You do not believe her, do you?

[sighs] There is one thing that I believe. Demons ruling the world is a bad thing.

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[after his ponytail is sliced off] Ah! My hair!

You were due for a trim.

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[after Uncle performs a Chi Spell to vanquish the Shadowkhan] Uncle! You saved our- [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

What choice did I have? You are family!

...A Chi Spell? Thought you weren't allowed to read the forbidden books!

I do not read, I...I skim.

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[after shooting Jackie with fire; only to see that Jackie is unharmed] How can it be? [Jackie opens a palm to reveal the Dog Talisman] My Talisman!

I'm sorry, I'll give it back, thank you!

[runs away, to be cornered, another Talisman activates in his hand, he barely hits Shendu and sends Shendu flying back into his bed]

[groans in pain] Ohhh...

How did I do that?

And why do you not catch fire? [Jackie reveals the Ox Talisman]

Dog makes you immortal, Ox makes you super strong. What else we got? [reveals the Talismans] Speedy Rabbit, levitating Rooster, invisible Snake, and explosive Dragon. Oh...good ones! [Shendu recovers from the rubble of his bed] Maybe we better not try for the other half dozen.

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