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SEASON 1

iCarly · Season 1

iCarly Season 1 quotes

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iCarly
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S1 E15Unfinished Business

MMinko

Ahhhh! You girls are so stupid! [pushes them forward and points to the elevator] There!!! There's Poachy!!! Right there!!! [both girls scream]

Oh my gosh!

Poachy!

No way!

We found him! [kisses the frame surrounding him]

Why didn't you tell us he was in here?

MMinko

I DID tell you idiots! And nobody better hit me with a stop sign! [Gibby is creeping up on him, and then does just that]

[laughs] April Fools! Ha ha.

Gibby!

Dude, that's not how you do an April Fools joke!

And anyway, you're not even supposed to be in this flashback! ...Great. Minko's unconscious. What do we do with him?

I'll get the shovel.

I'll get the marshmallows.

Hey, is anyone hungry? Because I was thinking maybe we could make some spaghetti tacos, maybe a little corn-(Minko, who is sneaking up from behind, hits him with a stop sign)

MMinko

APRIL FOOLS TO YOU!!!!! iCarly will be back after these messages. (Sam knocks him out with the shock pen)

You know, even though Spencer and I have to move out of this apartment tonight, forever, I'm still in a great mood.

Oh, when aren't you in a good mood?

I know right [agreeing with Freddie]

Really?

What?! Sometimes I get in bad moods.

No no no, wait wait wait wait wait. In all fairness, sometimes Carly does get in bad moods.

Like when?!

Uh, like when the time T-Bo made you those stuffed mushrooms.

[The rest apart from Carly agree with him and laugh]

Oh c'mon, I wasn't that mad.

You were pretty mad that day-

-no [disagreeing with Sam]

[Everyone looks up for a flashback]

[flashback]

[Sam, Freddie, Spencer and Carly are all reading together]

I just love reading together.

Me too.

We all do.

[T-Bo walks in]

Hey hey Carly! I made you stuffed mushrooms.

[Carly stands up and slams her book shut]

[yells] WHO CARES?! [throws book at T-Bo angrily]

[T-Bo falls against the door, Sam, Spencer and Freddie turn to Carly in shocked at the same time and Carly breathes in and out quickly and deeply in rage and anger. Scene cuts to the group in Tori Vega's living room]

Okay. Okay, I was in kind of a bad mood that day.

GGibby (as Robbie)

Kind of?

You threw a book at T-Bo.

Yeah, and just because he made you some stuffed mushroo-[notices the area they are in] Hey. Uh, hey, wha-

(notices he is Robbie) Gibbeh?

(hesitantly and shocked) When I make it shine...!

[the group all stares straight, then at each other, then straight again]

Okay, at what point did I have insanely long hair?

It was around the time Freddie got hit by that taco truck.

And Carly and I kissed.

And you and I were playing that assassin game.

12 million viewers?

Carly! You gotta come back with me! [gives Carly her backpack]

Back where?

To a future episode.

But, I'm supposed to do iCarly stuff tonight with Sam and Freddie.

Well, bring them along, this concerns them too! [gives Freddie his camera and Sam her remote]

Whoa, whoa, wait a second.

What are you talking about?

What happens to us in the future, do we become hobknockers or something?

No no, you guys all turn out fine. It's your kids.

What?!

Ninos?!

What kids?!

Whos kids?!

Um, yours [points to Carly] and his? [points to Freddie] Or his [points to Freddie] and hers, [points to Sam] or hers [points to Sam again] and his, [points to Freddie] I don't remember, but something's gotta be done about your kids!

Well, how do we get to a future episode of iCarly?

[T-Bo flys out of Spencer's room in a bubble]

Y'all can hitch a ride with me.

Hurry T-bo! Beam us onboard!

And smallify us.

Energising. [beams the others onboard]

C'mon T-Bo let's go!

Wait! In the future, is iCarly still on in reruns?

Reruns? Where we're going we don't need... [puts his costume glasses on] Reruns.

Hang on! [starts moving his spaceship bubble]

[Everyone makes whirling noises, then they all scream and cheer as they fly through the screen into the future.]

[shouts down the corridor] Carly, c'mon!

[Carly walks round the corner with all the luggage, groaning. She drops the bags and leans against Freddie's front door, but the door opens and she falls in and screams. She gets up, still groaning and closes the door]

How you doing?

[Throws a hat on the floor] I'm sick and dying! Urgh!

Maybe I should take you to a doctor.

No. [Starts picking all the bags back up] no, just, open our door so I can... go in there and just be alone.

[Spencer opens the front door]

[Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo are all hanging out in their apartment]

Hey! HEY!

[They all say hi]

[walks in to find Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo partying in the apartment] What is going on here?

I'm cooking steaks.

Playing video games.

I'm in a kiddie pool!

Gibbeh!!!

How long, have you guys been hanging out in OUR apartment?

Uh, how long you guys been on vacation?

8 days.

'bout 8 days.

Carly groans and falls to the floor

She ok?

No, she's like dying.

Gib, help her up!

Kk.

Gibby helps Carly stand up

Man, she looks sicky sick.

Yeah, she's got jungle worms.

[drops Carly] Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! [runs out of the apartment]

What are jungle worms?

They're like these scuzzy little parasites that set up camp in your guts.

Spencer helps Carly onto the couch while she continues groaning

How do you know about jungle worms?

My mom got them from using some foreign guy's toothbrush.

So, what are the symptoms?

Uhh, dry mouth..

I'm so thirsty.

..chills..

Can someone cover me with a blanket?

..moaning..

[moans]

..groaning..

[groans]

..and a lot of, you know..

[Carly runs into the bathroom and throws up]

vomiting.

Poor kid.

Yeah.

One of us should probably get in there and help her.

Hey these steaks are ready.

[They all go over to Sam for some steak, leaving Carly in the bathroom alone]

Can he stand?

LLouis

Here, let's try.

[Louis, Zayn and Niall try helping Harry stand up but he groan and falls back onto the chair.]

LLiam

Wow. He's really sick.

What do you think's wrong with him?

HHarry

I feel cold. And thirsty. Can somebody hold me?

LZLouis, Zayn and Niall

No.

LLouis

Here, have some more of this water.

[Louis picks Carly's bottle up from the floor and hands it to Harry. Carly steps forward and takes the bottle from Harry.]

Harry, you drank from my water bottle?

HHarry

Yeah.

Oh, my god. I gave Harry Styles jungle worms!

NOOO!

I know what might motivate Harry to get out of bed and back on stage.

You think I should work him over with the butter sock?

You know, I really, really, don't.

ZZayn

Did she say butter sock?

LLiam

Is that a sock...?

LLouis

...Full of butt-ah?

Do you guys want to hear my idea?

Yes!

NNiall

Does it involve the butter sock...?

No! I just thought Harry might suddenly feel better if he thought he was going to be replaced in One Direction.

Whoa wait replace Harry?

Not for real we just make him think he's going to be replaced.

LLouis

Who with?

(Carly, Freddie, and Spencer are hiding from Spencer's alarm robot)

We've got to get back to school!

We have a history test!

Can't you turn your stupid alarm bot off?

I am trying to disarm it!

ABAlarm Bot

(Spencer pushes a button on his remote) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed.

Gah, I can't turn it off! Maybe we can-

(the doorbell rings)

Wait! That was just the doorbell, right?

Or does that mean your stupid killing machine's about to explode?

It was just the doorbell.

(from the other side of the door) Hello? What's happening in there?

It's my mom! If she opens the door, she's gonna get blasted!

(yelling) Mrs. Benson, don't open the door! I'm not wearing pants!

Oh, my gosh!

ABAlarm Bot

Scanning pants...

Wait!

What?

If your mom opens the door then that crazy killing machine's gonna focus on her, and then Spencer can run over and unplug it!

Oh, that's good!

No! I don't want my mom to get blasted in the face and torso with popcorn kernels!

Oh, why not?

She's so irritating! It'll just be for a second 'til I unplug it.

(sighs) Alright, fine! Do it!

(yelling) Okay, Mrs. Benson, I found my pants! C'mon in!

(Mrs. Benson opens the door and walks into the apartment)

What is going on in here?

ABAlarm Bot

(focuses on Mrs. Benson) Tracking intruder.

I do not appreciate all of the noise that's been coming from... AAH!

(the Alarm Bot starts shooting Mrs. Benson with popcorn kernels. She is backed up against her door in the hallway)

(to Spencer) GO!

Go unplug it!

Yeah, I'll go!

(Spencer runs over to the outlet where the Alarm Bot is plugged in to. He starts pulling at the plug, but it doesn't come out. Mrs. Benson shouts as the Alarm Bot continues to pelt her with popcorn kernels)

Hurry up!

Unplug it!

I AM TRYING! (Spencer pulls the outlit out of the wall, still not unplugging the Alarm Bot) Oh, my gosh!

Dude!

What?!

(Spencer still struggles with unplugging the Alarm Bot. Mrs. Benson keeps shouting as the Alarm Bot countinues to pelt her)

Get it out!

What's happening?! What am I being pelted with?!

(the Alarm Bot is beginning to run out of popcorn kernels. Spencer is still trying to unplug it)

What are you doing?

Come on!

(the Alarm Bot fires at Mrs. Benson a few more times before finally running out of popcorn kernels and stopping)

ABAlarm Bot

Empty.

(finally pulls the plug out of the outlet) GOT IT! (raises his arms victoriously in the air) YEAH!

[In a deep voice] Luke, I am your father.

[In a deep voice] Don't play around!

[In a deep voice] Why you so UPTIGHT?

[A little boy looks at Sam weirdly after hearing her deep voice]

[In a deep voice] Don't be afraid... I just wanna eat you!

[The little boy screams and runs away]

[Gibby takes off the purple robot head from Freddie]

This is the WORST party ever.

[feeling ashamed] Dude, I am so sorry. I didn't know you--

[yells at Spencer] TWENTY TIMES?! You had to slam me twenty times?!

[gives Freddie a pink stuffed unicorn] Here.

[Freddie hits Spencer with pink stuffed unicorn in anger for dropping him the Jerk Basket]

Why?!

'Cause! You iCarlys were supposed to help me regain my popularity after the bread and butter pickle incident with that little girl, and you failed!

No, we didn't fail!

We did help you!

It's not our fault that afterwards and you went screamed at some dude in a wheelchair!

He rolled over my foot and scratched my loafers!

Well, who gives a rat's--

[interrupting Sam] Sam.

What?! Don't you think--

Stop! Stop. [sighs] He's right.

What?!

Carly?

Are you kidding me?!

NO! After that video went viral of Nevel screaming at that man in a wheelchair... we should've done something to help him.

Why should've we helped him?

It's our fault!

So, I was thinking to close the show, instead of random dancing...

Yeah.

...we can try random scratching, and then maybe Freddie could-

Hey! Ohhh, done! Whoo! [Sam and Carly just look at Spencer without saying anything] I say, it's done! Woooooo! [Sam and Carly still don't say anything] C'mon, ask me about it!

We can see, you made a snowman!

Uhhh, it's a snowwoman, duh. Can't you see her snowbahoobies? That's how you know that it's a- [a snowboob falls off] Dang it! Ah, I can fix that, wait. Urgh!

[Elevator opens and Gibby comes out of it]

Hey hey, guess what. I started using deodorant. [Everyone looks at him oddly] But I can't decide which scent I like best, so under my right arm I used Ocean Breeze... [Sam quickly gets out of her chair away from Gibby] ...and under my left I used Summer Swagger. Carly, c'mon. Which one smells best?..

Gibby, no no, Gibby no... [tries to get Gibby to stop him from making her smell his underarms]

[Gibby forces Carly's head under his underarm]

Alright, that's the Ocean Breeze.

[Carly keeps trying to escape]

I'd stop this if it wasn't hilarious.

[Carly is finally free]

Now smell the left, let's go. [Carly is forced under his other pit and keeps trying to escape again] Okay, that's the Summer Swagger. Breathe it in deep. [Carly's free again] So which one you like best?

Probably the Ocean Breeze.

I knew it! Hey, is that a snowlady?

Straight up!

I think one of her bahoobies might've--

Yeah, I know about it!

Okay.

Hello, good people, and Sam!

Hey.

What up with the fruit bowl, fruit bowl?

I just thought you guys might like some pears, Pear for you, [to Carly] pear for you, [to Spencer] pear for you. [to Gibby]

I'm wearing deodorant.

So, why the pears?

'Cause this Freddie just got himself a job working at the Pear Store.

Cool!

You're selling computers?

Yep! Ipears, Pear Phones, Pear Pads, Pear-port Extremes, and all other Pear related products and accessories.

I love products and accessories.

Do we get a discount?

I do. You do not.

Hey, Gib... Why don't you see which deodorant Freddie likes best?

Ooh, Yeah!

What do you mean which deodorant I like best? [Gibby grabs him] Oh! Gibby.

Oh, all right, Okay.

Gibby.

Just breathe in... Come on breathe, Gibby.

There! I fixed her. And check this out. Her nose lights up. [His sculpture sets on fire] No!

Ah!

(Screaming) What?! [Smoke alarm beeps] Aw!

I'll call the Fire Department.

I'll disable the smoke alarm.

Aw!

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